Job update

As predicted, I found out about my estranged wife's new job last night:

It is $9 an hour, cash under the table, part time.  It could range anywhere from 20 to 40 hours a week right now, so its just totally random.  No 401K. No health.

*Sigh*

She says that once a few people leave, she hopes to ask for a raise of up to $15 an hour in a few months.

I have two thoughts on all this:

1. Good that she found something.  It will get her out from sitting at her parents house all the time, and help build her confidence, self-worth, and keep her busy.  Hopefully open news doors and make new contacts for thr future.  Perhaps a stepping stone to something else.
2. Way to aim low.  42, cash under the table, no benefits.  She will spend $10 a day in gas and toll road charges to get there and back, not to mention a pretty crappy commute on one of the worst freeways known in the state.  She has settled on being broke her whole life.  While she seems very excited, I am quite honestly disapointed.  But it's her life, not mine.

Someone got a new job...

.....and it isn't me.

Like so many things about my marriage, I guess I shouldn't be surprised I am one of the last people to find out my wife finally got a job, and I didn't even hear it from her.  Surprise!

While I am happy for her, and this will be a stepping stone for her to get back on her feet and help buidl some of that self-worth and confidence she has been missing for quite some time, it's not what I was expecting.

Apparently, today is her first day and she will be working at a 'Tea Room'.

I don't have many details yet, I suppose I'll find out later tonight at what I think will be my last counseling session with her (at least thats my plan), but it's a far cry from what I expected for her.  However, I know she wanted to get back into the food industry after being away from it for so many years (at least 12+), and with her unemployment benefist scheduled to run out soon, I suppose anything is good news.

From what I can gather she will be working in the kitchen, and possibly be a server, or doing some ordering.  Again, I'll know more later.  But I did notcie a few things.  The place only serves food from 11am to 2:30pm Wed-Thur, and 11am to 3:30pm Fri-Sun, closed Mon & Tue.

If I do my math correctly, that's 20.5 hours a week.  Maybe she'll put in an extra hour for prep and cleanup, so in a best case scenario that may just shy of 30 hours, if she does indeed work every day.  If so, that means church will most likely be missed on Sunday's, and our schedules will have us working diffrent days.

Since it is a mom & pop shop, I cannot imagine there is a 401K program, high hourly salary, an insurance plan, or other benefits.  I know that sounds very dour coming from me.....don't get me wrong...I'm happy that she found something that will get her back into the swing of things.  She has been unemployed since April of 2011 and she really needs the boost, and I see this is a new start for her.  All good.

In this economy, beggars can't be choosers, and I know her back is up against the wall.  At least perhaps I won't have to pay for her anymore, or if I do pay alimony, it won't be as much now that she is working once again and paying no rent.

Although, I wish she would apply herself, go back to school, and aim a little higher.  I think that she could if she tried, but she's always been somewhat complacent.

I am kinda bummed out I found out the way I did.  For someone who wants to be upfront with me and reconcile, I'm a little taken aback that she didn't tell me right away.  Apparently, but like I said in the beginning, it doesn't shock me that all her friends found out before me.  I guess I can count that as something else that hasn't changed.

In the dark....and feeling it.

Last Thursday we had another meeting with our counselor.

It didn't go bad, nor did it go good.  It just went.  Afterwards I wonder why I drag myself to these things.  I came to teh realization that I seriously don't know what I want to do, and have become myself what I disliked about my wife for so long....I'm a person who just wants to avoid all this because I'm not ready to think about it.

I've been able to maintain my composure for over a week now.  I haven't gotten too emotional over any of this, probably because I've been avoiding trying to think about it, and probably because the increase from 20mg to 40mg of 'happy pills' daily is most likely having an effect on me.

My wife once again showed up to church on Sunday to meet me.  I could tell there was a litte tension between us as I know she wanted to hang out afterwards and I said 'No', because I was meeting my great-aunt and 2nd cousin for lunch before they went back to Texas.  In the parking lot we hugged, and once again she said she "loved" me.  I felt a little tugging of my heart strings, but carried on the rest of the day without any further contact.

There has been no contact between us on Monday or Tuesday either.  When we spoke briefly on the phone Saturday prior to us seeing each other on Sunday, I expressed pretty clearly to her that just because she's been out of her program for 4 weeks and ready to move forward, leave the past in the past....I'm not.  I'm not there yet.  I explained that while I am happy she is indeed improving, and make positive strides in the right direction, that again, 4 weeks of good behavior does not magically negate the last 5 months of her disappearance nor the last few years of our marriage.  "Good for you, but not for me." is all I could really muster.

I went on to tell her that quite frankly I'm kinda tired of all these meetings and talking.  I know it has to be done sooner or later, and I know she is trying, but I just want to enjoy some peace and quiet right now.  No, I am not galavanting around, sewing my wild oats or experiencing bachelorhood.  I'm playing with my dog, hanging out with my guy friends, trying to figure out what I want to do and don't want to feel neither rushed or pressured.

I have made note (as I expressed in an earlier post), that both my inlaws and SIL/BIL have been completely mum now.  That hurts a bit, and I miss them dearly.  I don't miss her friends however.  Quiet honestly, many of her friends I could do without just fine.  I just picture them as habitual drinkers, bitchers, and lack of resposnible characteristics with nothing really important to say on anything.  No, the majority of them I'm actually happy I don't see them on a regular basis.

That being said I did sign the papers and handed them to my lawyer last week.  I have no idea where we are in moving forward legally.  I imagine anyday my wife will call when her lawyer contacts her and I pray we can remain amicable.  I'm supposed to go to another session with her tomorrow...I don't want to.  I feel I owe it to her, but I'm not sure why.  It just drains me, and I don't see anything happening aftwerwards.  It's a 3 day weekend this weekend as well.  She may want to do something with me on Sunday.  I don't know what to think.  I could care less either way.  It isn't fair to her or me, but I seriously don't know what to do anylonger.

Catching Up

Yeah, I've been a bit remiss in updates as of late.  Somedays it seems everything just runs together and I seem to lose track myself anymore of what's happening.

So I'll skip all the major day by day details and sum it up as such:

The Good:

• My wife appears to be drinking far less these days and is still living with her parents.
• She 'appears' to be wanting to reconcile, but I'm not sure if it's an act or not.
• She has been attending church on a weekly basis the last few weeks.  She has said that she feels that she has indeed been missing a spiritual component in her life, and 'appears' to want to change this.
• She says she realizes that she does indeed love me.
• She quit bowling Monday nights, admitting to me that the people she 'used' to hang around with drink too much, and possibly a bad influence on her in that regard, and has thus decided to remove herself from that arena.
• I got my 90 day chip for co-dependancy last Friday.

The Bad:

• She is still not working and only has around 2 months of unemployment benefits left.
• She does not know what she wants to do.  No idea.  No plan.
• Although she may not be drinking as much, she still drinks, and her family (mom, dad, sister) who urged her to go to treatment 5 months ago seem to have dropped their hard stance and are now 'okay' with her limited drinking.  Can she maintain this, or is this temporary, just to fall back down sometime in the future?  I'm really surprised at their change in stance after being initially so adamant about it.  Actually, I am dissapointed with their 180, but am I really surprised?  I suppose not.
• There has been a loss of friends on both sides of the fence.  Both of us have lost ppl we thought we were close to, but I believe she has lost more than I have, albeit some of them live on my street.
• I quit my men's support group, for now, on Saturday mornings.  It's getting too intense for me, and I end up feeling like crap more times than not after leaving.

The Ugly:

• When I asked her about her recent stance on not paying bills she flat out told me (admitted) that she is not paying any of her CC bills.  In other words, her credit score continues to tank.  She is headed for personal bankruptcy....again....despite everyone telling her (even her counselor) that she needs to maintain her financial resposnibilities.  She just doesn't care, and that just doesn't work for me.  Not at our age.  I'm not gonna be a party to this monetary foolishness anymore.
• She has offered to pay her one CC bill in my name 4 seperate times now.  She has not.  Even the counselor asked her why not, and read her the riot act.  That was a week ago, and I still haven't seen a dime.
• Most of 'my' friends & family believe that she "hasn't" changed, that she is just doing and saying what she has to to get back in my good graces.  I want to give her thebenefit of the doubt, but everyone says I'm foolish and am wearing rose colored glasses if I believe that years of certains behaviors magically changed in teh last few weeks.
• She tried to call my parents yesterday, but they want nothing to do with her anymore.  My mother is not as forgiving as I am, and surprisingly (even to me), my father says he has witnessed too many or her shennanigans and heard to much vitriol from her mouth that he'd rather not be party to her either.  Which puts me in a position of choosing them over her.  Well, they never abandoned me, helped me out, supported me, and had to live through all this misery of mine the last few years.  They told me to move on and are quite adament about me continuing with my divorce.  They feel that she never thought I had the balls to take a stand, and she realizes that her life is falling apart and losing everything now, and only wants to be my wife again because she has no other backup plan.  I can't say I agree, but I don't disagree either.  Anyway, this will be a major sticking point even if I wanted to allow her back in my life, and I am not going to turn on my parents.

Rescheduled pessimism

Tonight is my 2nd meet with a counselor after last weeks scheduled meet didn't happen due to unforseen circumstances.

In all honesty I really don't have much of a desire to go.

Where as last week I was both mad and irritated with my estranged wife's blathering about my mother and trying to convince me I was co-dependant on my co-dependancy support group, and the suggestion it was somehow my fault she can't get her mail...this week I just don't don't really care.

Well, I suppose I do care a bit...I care in the sense that I'm curious on how she would describe that ill-fated dinner attempt to the counselor from her perspective, and to see what he could draw out of her.

I don't have much of a desire to talk.  I know that if pressed I can talk, and then get wound up, animated, and feel the inner Hulk start to break through my Dr. Bruce Banner exterior.

I just don't have much of a fight in me anymore.  I never wanted to fight to begin with.  People who really 'know' me would agree (I'd like to think anyway) that I'm both fair and also not too confrontational.  To take a page out of my wife's playbook, I just wish I could wake up and sweep it all under the rug, like that one season of Dallas where the whole season was a dream as Bobby stepped out of the shower.

She already texted me once this morning all cheerful, asking me to bring her mail tonight.  If anything, of course I will, because I hate seeing it pile up.  And I'm especially sick of all the postcards and advertisements from casinos I get daily in her name.  What, did she visit every single one of them when she was away?

I caught myself looking at the calendar at work this morning.  She's been out of the house just shy of 5 months.  In just over a week from now it will be 5 months.  Most of her stuff is still there as well.  Last night I was looking for some lotion (it's so hot and dry at my house, my skin is all rough), and opened up a few cabinets I hadn't yet opened before.  I found so much more shampoo, lotions, odd medicines and OTC remedies, I could open my own CVS.  Seriously, I have more shampoo and lotion at my house that I coudl possible use in over two years easily.

Well at least easily fill yet another two decent sized boxes of 'stuff' for her to take.

She still thinks we are getting back together.  I can't say 100% for sure 'No', but then again, I don't want to put any effort into right now.  I try not to be bitter,  I've let some...but not all of my anger subside.  I'll admit, I have my moments, but if I allow myself to really think and sit still, the laundry list of her various 'issues' look infinetly long, and I know to a certain degreee have altered me over the years (hence my own medications).

But I'm plugging along.

A few of my friends and my family believe that her changes are too little, too late...and what she really wants is the feeling of security I provide.  Truth be told, my friends (more than one who've known her for years) tell me to run, and run hard.  Zebra's don't change their stripes...at least not for long.

I honestly don't know, and not sure that I ever will.  I do continue to pray for her, although not as much as I used to.  In God, all things are indeed possible.  Even the worst of people can turn around...and maybe she is indeed trying....I'm just not sure I'm buying what's she's now selling.

I explained to a friend that God has been silent to me lately.  That I pray on making the correct decision.  My friend had some insight I never thought of before: "If you are feeling uptight and anxious, this is NOT of the Lord.  The Lord is about inner peace, love, relaxation, calm.  God would not answer in a way that would make you feel uptight or mentally frustrated."

Point taken.

Maybe that is the answer after all.  If I am this unsure, this uptight, this uncaring, this mentally taxed....how can it be from the Lord, and especially with His blessing?

This is my biggest problem: In the end, I am too forgiving.  I always, always, always want to give someone the benefit of the doubt no matter how many times they have proven me wrong or let them down.  I'm not about 2nd chances...I'm about 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on and so forth, usually to my own detriment.

Then there's the thing about my mom.

That is an absolute non-negotiable.  That, I will not budge on one iota.  She has to make a 'real', not half-hearted, attempt to bury the hatchet with my mom.  If not...then forget it.  That would make my decision easy actually.  I almost hope that it comes up tonight and says it's either 'her' or 'my mom'.  I don't need to think twice on that.  Anyone that can leave their kid twice, their husband...and then throw down that kind of ultimatum...I have no respect.

Speaking of my mom, she did call me yesterday.  She still has no idea that my wife and I are meeting with a counselor...she's already mentioning things 'post divorce' and is looking for the day I can put this all behind me.

I hate thinking about all this stuff, thus my earlier mention that's I'd liek to bury my own head in the sand for a while and see what it feels like....to ignore everything around me.  The little bit I have done...has in fact...been peaceful.

No show

So we both showed up on time last night, well, 7:50pm, and I noted that the lights looked off in his office.

At 8:01pm, I asked my wife to call the guy and see what's up?

She got a hold of him at 8:05.

He had a family emergency.  Secretary was supposed to call us.  Neither one of us got a call.

Awesome.  After he just told us last week he expects us to be on time, and he expects 24 hour notice cancellation notice lest he charge us.  Being the smart a$$ I am, I asked my wife if we get to bill him for our gas and time for driving here.

Probably a good thing nothing happened last night.  I was determined to sit stoic anyway and let her do the talking as I can get carried away.  I had a bad day, nay, week at work anyway.  We are short handed, it's warm, everything keeps breaking.  Needless to say I had a headache last night anyway, I was tired, and not in the best of moods.  I told my wife as much, so it wouldn't be a surprise if I didn't really participate much in what was supposed to be our session.

So, instead of sitting their in a parking lot dumbfounded and grasping for something to say oddly, I just looked at her and said "Okay, bye.", and gave her a hug, and left.  I could tell she wanted to say more and was perhaps surprised (and possibly frustrated) that I left so abruptly.

But really, what were we going to do in that parking lot?  If I stayed for any more time, I could see it devolving into pointing fingers once again.  I just wasn't in the mood to be on the receiving end, or attempting to explain anything without a nuetral, third-party there.

Went home, took a nice hot shower.....and an Alieve aspirin for my headache and backache.

I wonder if she'll show up to church this Sunday?  Either way, I'm making plans with MY friends to be out and about, not letting her consume my thoughts.  As my best friend put it: "Hey, the onus is on her to prove to you that she has changed and everyone knows that." 

True-dat.

Does a leopard change its spots? (Part II)

I have a minor headache.  It's been extremely warm at work and I had to work the majority of yesterday in a warehouse with no air-conditioning working in dirty conditions, up and down stairs a dozen or so times. 

Add to that the fact my sleep is on again/off again, and the last two days I have had a lot on my mind.

Getting back to where I left off....

Tuesday day started off okay and I had decided since we are both Italian, that I wanted to eat at an Italian restaraunt not far from my job so as we could eat around 5:30 or so, and I could get home to my dog, take a nice shower, watch some Olympics, and go to bed.

I really did want a peaceful dinner, for the both of us.

As soon as I pulled into the aprking lot, I got a text from her stating she's...(wait for it)...IN THE BAR.    Yes, you read that right.  Oh great, I can already imagine how this is going to turn out.

I walked in, and there she was, sitting at the bar with a glass of wine.  So, even if you don't think you are an alcoholic,...is it wise to meet your estranged husband with a glass of wine in your hand after you recently admitted that you drank too much and we had an intervention for you?  (Don't let this side track you....I'm just pointing it out for later).

I had iced-tea and suggested we eat because I was hungry (true statement).  We made small talk and everything seemed fine, and after about 20 minutes or so we got seated at our table.

We made more small talk and I asked how her job search is going.  No news there.  I asked if she had to pay her parents rent....the answer was "No."  She asked why.  Well, I said "It would be nice if you picked up and started paying for your credit card that I made the last 5 payments on then at $90 a pop.  It's tough for me to pay everything.  (I didn't even want to bring up the taxes).

She looked at me, increduously, "Well, since you've been holding all my mail and all my debtors are fining me for late fees......"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa.", I interjected  "You are a big girl.  Don't blame ME for YOU not calling the various companies and make arrangments.  You could have easily called them up, gone to the post office, made address changes...but you chose not to.  That is your responsibility...not mine...and again, you've had 4+ months to do something about it, even after I warned you week one.  Nope, don't lay your financial irresponsibility at my feet because YOU chose not to get your mail."

Waiter was nice and we ordered our food, and as we waited my wife brought up the subject: "So, would you consider going to the place ('camp feel good') I did for a 8 days?"

That caught me TOTALLY off gaurd.

"Um....No."

"Why?"

"Um...because I don't think I need it."

"You get a whole new perspective on things."

"Okay, great.  But I don't need a new perspective on things.  I also don't have $4K laying around or can take the time off my job.  Plus, I know where my faults are and I am addressing them and always have.  Your family and friends all suggested that you go....no one suggested I needed to go."  What the F is happening here?

"It could help you."

"Help me with what?  I already see my own therapist.  I already go to a men's support group on Saturday.  I go to Celebrate on Friday for codependancy...And I am dealing with my crap."

"Don't you think your co-dependant on your codependancy group?"

Oh crap, no she didn't....

"WHAT?  No, I go because I CHOOSE to go.  I don't go every Friday night.  I started going because I realized I was relying on you and everyone else, trying to make you all happy while I was miserable.  Plus, I've only been going just over 60 days, which is like 9 or 10 times for 2 hours at a time.  That doesn't make me co-dependant on them.  What, now you're an expert on codependancy?  You never even heard of the term before I told you about it.  Yes, I have issues...Yes, I am far from perfect...but despite the fact I may be on some medication, I am teh responsible one and own my actions.  You hurt ME."

That last statement must have hit her between the eyes, because I saw the flash behind her own gaze.  Ahhhh....here we go, the true colors are about to show, I know that look.  Before I knew it, she began rehashing all these things from the past....and my mom..

Ah-ha.  There it is.  She just played the 'mom' card.

She asked me if my parents knew we were out to dinner tonight.  I said my dad did, my mom did not.  She asked why was that?  I said because my mom is still hurt from you cursing her out over the holidays and doesn't want to see me in any more pain and confusion.

Me: "You may not like my mom, think she interferes too much.  But I don't.  See I don't have a huge family.  I don't have brothers or sisters or children that I tell to 'F'-off unlike you.  I also don't disrespect my parents, or yours.  I would never, ever raise my voice to your parents, let alone curse them out.  You have no respect for my parents or my family, and barely yours.  And so much for you drawing a line in the sand and wanting to start over and look forward as you say.  You've been back all of 1 week, and already you go right back to the past and go after my mom."

Then she had the audacity to quote the bible to me.  HER: "As a husband, you are supposed to cleave from your parents and become one with your spouse."

Me: "Oh, that's rich...one of the 10 commandments is to also HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER, something you don't do to yours, let alone mine.  I got news for you, my parents have known me and stuck by me for 42 years.  I am their only child.  I have known you for 11, married for not even 9, and you walked out on me, your daughter, and your ex..  So if you think this is a choice I need to make, guess what...."  I'll let her piece that together by heself.

And then she started to cry. 

And I didn't.

I did take that as my cue to calm down before this escalated.  She excused herself for a minute, presumably to compose herself before she came back.  While she was gone, I made a quick mental inventory of what just happened the last 20 minutes.  Let's recap shall we?

1. It's apparently my fault she is not smart enough to pay her own bills, make arrangments with CC companies, failed to contact her car insurance company until they dumped her, racked up tons of penalties from the toll roads she contionously drives through, etc... As if I held her mail hostage and she never figured out she could use her computer or cell phone to make the appropriate changes.
2. I am co-dependant on my co-dependant support group.
3. My mom interfers (in what?, I still don't know) in our life and therefor does not deserve her respect, but instead it's okay to curse at her.
4. She wants to forget the past and move forward, that is until its fits her arguments, and then she can bring up the past over and over and over again.
5. Now she's quoting bible verses to me, a person who doesn't own a bible, and has just went this once this last Sunday, the first time in years.
6. Finally, not once did I detect any remorse or hear any apologies for anything else.  Instead, it was everybody else's fault...all over again.

At this point I just realized it was in my best interest to shut-up.  I know myself well enough that I could easily get sucked into an escalating argument in a public place.  She started in on me once again.  I help up my hand: "Stop.  Just Stop.  I am not going to sit here and go in a circle with you.  I have nothing else to say."  (Believe me, I have plenty to say but I didin't want to get worked up.)

We finished our meal more or less in silence.  We couldn't finish, so I offered for her to take the leftovers home.  She declined, so heck, I guess I'll take them home.  There's a whole other meal here.

At this point, I figure I'll just cut my losses and go home.  No drawn out speech in the parking lot, no "lets take a step back and start over".  No, all I coudl think about was going home, taking a shower, feeding my pup, and watching some TV.

She asked if I planned on still going to our next 'scheduled' meeting on Thursday (tonight) with the counsler.  I said I would even though I have no desire to.  If anything, I need to hear her perspective on what she thinks happened on Tuesday.  I must be strong tonight and keep my mouth shut (gonna be hard), but I need her to do ALL the talking and I just need to sit, listen, and absorb.  It's the wrong perspective to have, but for all intents and purposes, this should be comedy for me tonight.  I need her to solidify her absurd logic and outlook on things so that when my lawyer gets back next week, I can tell him to move forward...that she hasn't changed afterall.

Does a leopard change its spots? (Part I)

It's been a strange week (and a few days).

My wife (as you now know) is living with her parents since she came back, and rent free to boot.  She began texting me on a regular basis early last week, and I only answered the most important ones while ignoring all the rest.

She finally called me and asked if I wanted to see a marriage counsler with her.  Huh?  I have been asking her for a long time to see one and she has rejected them in the past stating she doesn't get anything out of them.  Now she wants to go?  I was slightly hesitant at first, then she inquired if I would like to see a 'faith based' counsler (one whose methods is based in scripture), and I agreed. 

But I had one condition - She had to locate one that was between us both.  I was not about to start searching for one for her or out close to her parents house.  If she wants this, she needs to spend some time and effort (for once). 

Imagine my surprise when she actually did in record time.

She set up an appointment for last Thursday and I agreed to go.  Quite honestly, I really didn't want to go, but since is the first time I can remember that she put some effort into it, I figured why not?  At the very least, I wanted to "hear" what she had to say...about anything.  I was determined to keep my initial involvement at the bare minimum so I could digest and try my best to understand her thinking. 

I wouldn't call it a "test", but I was really curious, if anything, to see if she did show any change, remorse, attitude adjustment, whatever.

We both arrived on time and met with the counsler and was led into his circa 1980's pastel one room office.  Once my wife sat down on a couch, I purposely chose to sit on the other couch.  For some reason, my nerves started to ratchet up a bit.  I noted that my leg was fidgety and I was trying to control my breathing.

The session was an hour long, and despite my efforts to let this be her time, the counsler ended up directing questions to me.  Perhaps he noticed my body language.  In the end, I did most of the talking and started to become emotional....the exact OPPOSITE of what I wanted to happen.

The times that my wife did speak, I was shell shocked.....She began to say things I always wanted to hear.  Who was this person?  She hit on all the right notes....Is this too good to be true?  Did 8 days really change her?  Color me skeptical, but despite everything I wanted to hear for the first time in years, it was such a dramatic turn-around that I began to feel that gut reaction deep within that this might all be an act.

I chose my words very carefully.

The one thing she said that resonated with me was "Being single is not an option for me. I love you."  First, I have not heard her say 'I love you' in a long time, but what did 'being single is not an option' mean?  Does it mean she really does want to change, or is it that she realizes she's 42 and that getting back with me is returning to her own security, financial and otherwise.  Of course, being single is an option.  I don't like it either, but you should have thought about that before hand.

My wife then went on about realizing that she is missing a 'spiritual' component in her life (I.E. God), and said she wants to start going to church.

What?

Now I'm really not sure who this person is. 

The counsler looked at me and said "What do you think about that?  What if she went to church with you this Sunday?  Would that be okay?"  (Admitedly, I was momentarily speechless).

I said "Well, it's up to her.  I've been asking her to go for the last 4+ years and she has shown no interest.  I cannot make her go.  I will be there.  If she shows up, great, if not....well...it's up to her."

She said she would be there.

A couple more thinsg were said between us before our session was over and we walked out.  She asked if I had eaten yet....No, I hadn't, and I was hungry.  She said lets go grab something to eat.  I agreed and found a local place.  We sat across from each other and I listened to her talk about her 'therapy' or whatever it is she went to.  I'm still not convinced, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt.  They will eventually reveal their true colors in time.  She might be on guard tonight, but she will eventually prove me right...or wrong.  Time will be the great educater.

I drove home and soon I got a text from her thanking me for dinner, and other stuff I longed to hear.  I responded with "You're welcome", but no more.

The following day I sent her a link to a web-series by Rick Warren called "Crazy Makers".  It was a 30 minute sermon on relationships between men and women.  I only watched the one, but shortly thereafter, she responded that she watched a few.

She watched a few....Maybe she has changed?  I didn't expect her to watch the one right away, but she watched a few and told me how good she thought they were.  (color me surprised).

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday morning I went to church.

And she showed up right at 9am.  I introduced her to a few fellow regular attendees and the service was really good (though I'm still not a fan of all the initial singing....) 

Afterwards we had lunch and it was pleasant.  Then I told her I needed to go grocery shopping giving her a chance to exit if she wanted to.  No, instead she insisted she go with me and I showed her how I am becoming a master of clipping coupons and taking advantage of weekly deal.  In the end, I saved 37% off my bill, or a whole utility payment for the month.  She was impressed.

We went back to the house and she volunteered to clean it.  I told her she didn't have to, but again, she insisted and proceeded to vacuum and dust the entire downstairs of the house.  I did help...I mopped and did the toilets, but again, I'm not sure who this person is.

Finally at 3:30pm I said it might be time for her to go...I have other errands.  She asked if we could go dinner this Tuesday...I said yes.  She then asked about attending the county fair....I said 'maybe'. (Whoa, slow down a bit here......You've been gone for 4+ months and I agreed to meet at one counseling session, and now you are wanting to schedule all this stuff.  I need time to think, and process myself). 

I think she's trying a bit "too hard" right now.  As much as I appreciate and recognize she's trying....I'm still skeptical.  It seems a little 'staged' or 'forced' right now.

To be continued..........