Does a leopard change its spots? (Part I)

It's been a strange week (and a few days).

My wife (as you now know) is living with her parents since she came back, and rent free to boot.  She began texting me on a regular basis early last week, and I only answered the most important ones while ignoring all the rest.

She finally called me and asked if I wanted to see a marriage counsler with her.  Huh?  I have been asking her for a long time to see one and she has rejected them in the past stating she doesn't get anything out of them.  Now she wants to go?  I was slightly hesitant at first, then she inquired if I would like to see a 'faith based' counsler (one whose methods is based in scripture), and I agreed. 

But I had one condition - She had to locate one that was between us both.  I was not about to start searching for one for her or out close to her parents house.  If she wants this, she needs to spend some time and effort (for once). 

Imagine my surprise when she actually did in record time.

She set up an appointment for last Thursday and I agreed to go.  Quite honestly, I really didn't want to go, but since is the first time I can remember that she put some effort into it, I figured why not?  At the very least, I wanted to "hear" what she had to say...about anything.  I was determined to keep my initial involvement at the bare minimum so I could digest and try my best to understand her thinking. 

I wouldn't call it a "test", but I was really curious, if anything, to see if she did show any change, remorse, attitude adjustment, whatever.

We both arrived on time and met with the counsler and was led into his circa 1980's pastel one room office.  Once my wife sat down on a couch, I purposely chose to sit on the other couch.  For some reason, my nerves started to ratchet up a bit.  I noted that my leg was fidgety and I was trying to control my breathing.

The session was an hour long, and despite my efforts to let this be her time, the counsler ended up directing questions to me.  Perhaps he noticed my body language.  In the end, I did most of the talking and started to become emotional....the exact OPPOSITE of what I wanted to happen.

The times that my wife did speak, I was shell shocked.....She began to say things I always wanted to hear.  Who was this person?  She hit on all the right notes....Is this too good to be true?  Did 8 days really change her?  Color me skeptical, but despite everything I wanted to hear for the first time in years, it was such a dramatic turn-around that I began to feel that gut reaction deep within that this might all be an act.

I chose my words very carefully.

The one thing she said that resonated with me was "Being single is not an option for me. I love you."  First, I have not heard her say 'I love you' in a long time, but what did 'being single is not an option' mean?  Does it mean she really does want to change, or is it that she realizes she's 42 and that getting back with me is returning to her own security, financial and otherwise.  Of course, being single is an option.  I don't like it either, but you should have thought about that before hand.

My wife then went on about realizing that she is missing a 'spiritual' component in her life (I.E. God), and said she wants to start going to church.

What?

Now I'm really not sure who this person is. 

The counsler looked at me and said "What do you think about that?  What if she went to church with you this Sunday?  Would that be okay?"  (Admitedly, I was momentarily speechless).

I said "Well, it's up to her.  I've been asking her to go for the last 4+ years and she has shown no interest.  I cannot make her go.  I will be there.  If she shows up, great, if not....well...it's up to her."

She said she would be there.

A couple more thinsg were said between us before our session was over and we walked out.  She asked if I had eaten yet....No, I hadn't, and I was hungry.  She said lets go grab something to eat.  I agreed and found a local place.  We sat across from each other and I listened to her talk about her 'therapy' or whatever it is she went to.  I'm still not convinced, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt.  They will eventually reveal their true colors in time.  She might be on guard tonight, but she will eventually prove me right...or wrong.  Time will be the great educater.

I drove home and soon I got a text from her thanking me for dinner, and other stuff I longed to hear.  I responded with "You're welcome", but no more.

The following day I sent her a link to a web-series by Rick Warren called "Crazy Makers".  It was a 30 minute sermon on relationships between men and women.  I only watched the one, but shortly thereafter, she responded that she watched a few.

She watched a few....Maybe she has changed?  I didn't expect her to watch the one right away, but she watched a few and told me how good she thought they were.  (color me surprised).

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday morning I went to church.

And she showed up right at 9am.  I introduced her to a few fellow regular attendees and the service was really good (though I'm still not a fan of all the initial singing....) 

Afterwards we had lunch and it was pleasant.  Then I told her I needed to go grocery shopping giving her a chance to exit if she wanted to.  No, instead she insisted she go with me and I showed her how I am becoming a master of clipping coupons and taking advantage of weekly deal.  In the end, I saved 37% off my bill, or a whole utility payment for the month.  She was impressed.

We went back to the house and she volunteered to clean it.  I told her she didn't have to, but again, she insisted and proceeded to vacuum and dust the entire downstairs of the house.  I did help...I mopped and did the toilets, but again, I'm not sure who this person is.

Finally at 3:30pm I said it might be time for her to go...I have other errands.  She asked if we could go dinner this Tuesday...I said yes.  She then asked about attending the county fair....I said 'maybe'. (Whoa, slow down a bit here......You've been gone for 4+ months and I agreed to meet at one counseling session, and now you are wanting to schedule all this stuff.  I need time to think, and process myself). 

I think she's trying a bit "too hard" right now.  As much as I appreciate and recognize she's trying....I'm still skeptical.  It seems a little 'staged' or 'forced' right now.

To be continued..........