Uggg....
So we had another argument last night.
About the usual....money.
My wife started the conversation innocently enough..."Let me run something by you."
Whenever I here something like that, especially from her, there really is no upside. I suppose it was good she waited until it was later in the evening and I was already sitting down.
"What if I took out $15K our from my 401K to pay off my credit card bills, repay my mother, and help with the property taxes."
I suppose her heart was in the right place, but the amount of $15K was a jaw dropper. Now assuming that she pays her mother back the money I am 'aware' of, and even helps to pay the property taxes....that still doesn't account for $10K left over. How can we be in additional $10K worth of debt that I'm not really aware of.
It doesn't help matters that our country seems to be headed towards a recession, and the fact that my company just recently let go of 15 employees, with an additional rumored 20-25 before the end of the year. Then sometime early next year, a reorganization is supposedly in the works with even more employees losing their jobs.
Didn't I just go through this 2 years ago? I'm already beginning to stress out again and these are just rumors. I so wanted to take a vacation this year....to go on the cruise we've been talking about for the past 4 years....but rumors likes these scare me...and tend for me to go into lock down and conservative mode. No wonder I've started to experience my insomnia again this past week.
I know Jesus tells us not to worry, to cast our burdens and troubles upon him and look to Him for peace...I just don't know if I can endure another round of this stress and possible unemployment again so soon. It's been a rough career for me, and as soon as things seem to settle down for me, that's when things always seem to get shaken up....and I always end up on the short end of the stick.
October 31, 2008
October 29, 2008
I Dream of True Love
Every once in a while I experience a dream so full of life and warmth I never wish it to end.
For a person like myself who generally suffers from the occasional bouts of insomnia, is known to be a light sleeper, and tends to have his dreams more often than not filled with disturbing or uncomfortable images that I relish the good ones when I have them.
They are snippets of my subconscious crafting worlds, episodes, scenarios that I experience for God only knows what reason. This morning I awoke from a beautiful dream filled with such intense emotion and reality I felt crest-fallen when I began to realize it was indeed just a dream. I hoped to close my eyes again very quickly and resume my slumber and return to the love I just felt, but it was too late.
I dreamt that I was back in school again. I'm not exactly sure if it was the last few years of High School or College that events took place in, but I was surrounded my numerous students working on a refurbishment project in the hallways. It's as if they were repainting, putting up new wallpaper, cleaning and beautifying in general.
There was a woman there that I seemed to have had casual contact with. She was blond, attractive and about my age if not a year or two younger. She wasn't mean to me by any certain terms, but I felt the vibe she didn't really care for me all that much, somewhat indifferent. My brain was telling me I had been nice to her in the past and I tried to be friendly and cordial, but efforts had never gotten me anywhere.
All of a sudden, with no warning, time flashed forward in an instant. It's as if 5 years past in a blink of an eye and there we were again. However, this time I found myself standing behind her in a line grasping her upper arm in my hands and felt the weight or her body leaning back into me....as couples normally do. It donned on me that we were indeed just that, a couple now...inexplicably...yet it was clear to me something had happened over time and we were bonded together.
Now the girl had a name.....Becky. And she looked exactly like the actress who plays Dr. Reid on the NBC sitcom Scrubs.
She was on a cell phone, speaking to her mother and joking and laughing and we seemed to be in good spirits. It was then when a second, smaller cell phone on her person and she handed me the first phone and told me to talk to her mother while she picked up the second phone.
As she handed me the first, she spun 180 degrees to face me and there was a few feet of distance between us as she lifted the second phone to her ear and began speaking...the whole time her eyes were on me in a very gentle and joyous way. Realizing I had her mother on the phone I said "Hello....", a brief pause, "You know when I first met your daughter she wanted nothing to do with me. Now she is the love of my life and I thank you.", and with that I became very emotional and my voice cracked and I could feel a tear forming in my eye.
As I said those words, I could tell her mother was speechless on the other end of the phone and very touched and thankful for what I just said. I looked at my girlfriend, and although she was still on the second phone speaking to whomever, she had clearly heard my words as well and was overcome with emotion. It's as if her soul melted and she cocked her head ever so slightly to one side, her own eyes beginning to well up as well and mouthed the words silently to me "I love you too."
That brief moment in time, when our eyes were locked in their gaze with each other and I recognized the words she had silently spoken....I cannot begin to tell you the flood of positive emotions that came over and filled me from the inside out. It's a love I can't even adequately explain, but I know the feeling was genuine warmth, peace, joy, love....and so much more. I can only imagine this is but a taste of the love the Jesus Christ has for each one of us....and let me tell you, it was so exhilarating I never wanted to be a part from that feeling.
It's as if in my dream I actually experienced what true, pure, uncorrupted, selfless love actually is and can be. I didn't want the moment to end or the feeling to ever leave me.
Shortly after my eyes began to open, and I realized I was awakening and what I had just took part in was a dream. I so badly wanted it not to end, I closed my eyes again hoping I could spend just a few more moments in that ultimate state of bliss....but it was not to happen.
When I became fully aware of where I was (bed) and realized I needed to get up and get ready for work it was very quiet. I instantly began playing the scene over and over in my head for that euphoric feeling and then I felt slightly ashamed and even guilty.
I realized that my wife was still sleeping next to me and the next few thoughts I had were these: If you could only love me like the woman in my dreams did. Why is not our 'love' for each other like this. Why do I feel I have the potential to love you like that, but it will never be reciprocated in that fashion.
And then I felt a twinge of guilt. Did I just commit an affair in my head with an imaginary companion. There was nothing sexual at all. It was just the feeling of mutual respect, mutual love, mutual sharing, a relationship in its purist form....something that I don't think I will ever experience with my own wife....and that just saddens me to the core. I wish my wife could love me in the same manner, but I just don't see that ever happening. It hurts me just to type these last few sentences and depresses me. I'm sad to admit I want more time in my dream induced relationship than my real one as I seemed to have been more admired, respected, and felt 'wanted' more so than my wife can give me.
For a person like myself who generally suffers from the occasional bouts of insomnia, is known to be a light sleeper, and tends to have his dreams more often than not filled with disturbing or uncomfortable images that I relish the good ones when I have them.
They are snippets of my subconscious crafting worlds, episodes, scenarios that I experience for God only knows what reason. This morning I awoke from a beautiful dream filled with such intense emotion and reality I felt crest-fallen when I began to realize it was indeed just a dream. I hoped to close my eyes again very quickly and resume my slumber and return to the love I just felt, but it was too late.
I dreamt that I was back in school again. I'm not exactly sure if it was the last few years of High School or College that events took place in, but I was surrounded my numerous students working on a refurbishment project in the hallways. It's as if they were repainting, putting up new wallpaper, cleaning and beautifying in general.
There was a woman there that I seemed to have had casual contact with. She was blond, attractive and about my age if not a year or two younger. She wasn't mean to me by any certain terms, but I felt the vibe she didn't really care for me all that much, somewhat indifferent. My brain was telling me I had been nice to her in the past and I tried to be friendly and cordial, but efforts had never gotten me anywhere.
All of a sudden, with no warning, time flashed forward in an instant. It's as if 5 years past in a blink of an eye and there we were again. However, this time I found myself standing behind her in a line grasping her upper arm in my hands and felt the weight or her body leaning back into me....as couples normally do. It donned on me that we were indeed just that, a couple now...inexplicably...yet it was clear to me something had happened over time and we were bonded together.
Now the girl had a name.....Becky. And she looked exactly like the actress who plays Dr. Reid on the NBC sitcom Scrubs.
She was on a cell phone, speaking to her mother and joking and laughing and we seemed to be in good spirits. It was then when a second, smaller cell phone on her person and she handed me the first phone and told me to talk to her mother while she picked up the second phone.
As she handed me the first, she spun 180 degrees to face me and there was a few feet of distance between us as she lifted the second phone to her ear and began speaking...the whole time her eyes were on me in a very gentle and joyous way. Realizing I had her mother on the phone I said "Hello....", a brief pause, "You know when I first met your daughter she wanted nothing to do with me. Now she is the love of my life and I thank you.", and with that I became very emotional and my voice cracked and I could feel a tear forming in my eye.
As I said those words, I could tell her mother was speechless on the other end of the phone and very touched and thankful for what I just said. I looked at my girlfriend, and although she was still on the second phone speaking to whomever, she had clearly heard my words as well and was overcome with emotion. It's as if her soul melted and she cocked her head ever so slightly to one side, her own eyes beginning to well up as well and mouthed the words silently to me "I love you too."
That brief moment in time, when our eyes were locked in their gaze with each other and I recognized the words she had silently spoken....I cannot begin to tell you the flood of positive emotions that came over and filled me from the inside out. It's a love I can't even adequately explain, but I know the feeling was genuine warmth, peace, joy, love....and so much more. I can only imagine this is but a taste of the love the Jesus Christ has for each one of us....and let me tell you, it was so exhilarating I never wanted to be a part from that feeling.
It's as if in my dream I actually experienced what true, pure, uncorrupted, selfless love actually is and can be. I didn't want the moment to end or the feeling to ever leave me.
Shortly after my eyes began to open, and I realized I was awakening and what I had just took part in was a dream. I so badly wanted it not to end, I closed my eyes again hoping I could spend just a few more moments in that ultimate state of bliss....but it was not to happen.
When I became fully aware of where I was (bed) and realized I needed to get up and get ready for work it was very quiet. I instantly began playing the scene over and over in my head for that euphoric feeling and then I felt slightly ashamed and even guilty.
I realized that my wife was still sleeping next to me and the next few thoughts I had were these: If you could only love me like the woman in my dreams did. Why is not our 'love' for each other like this. Why do I feel I have the potential to love you like that, but it will never be reciprocated in that fashion.
And then I felt a twinge of guilt. Did I just commit an affair in my head with an imaginary companion. There was nothing sexual at all. It was just the feeling of mutual respect, mutual love, mutual sharing, a relationship in its purist form....something that I don't think I will ever experience with my own wife....and that just saddens me to the core. I wish my wife could love me in the same manner, but I just don't see that ever happening. It hurts me just to type these last few sentences and depresses me. I'm sad to admit I want more time in my dream induced relationship than my real one as I seemed to have been more admired, respected, and felt 'wanted' more so than my wife can give me.
October 21, 2008
Suicide on the rise in the U.S.
I found this article on CNN.com and wanted to share it:
After a decade-long decrease, U.S. suicide rates have started to rise, largely because of an increase in suicides among middle-aged white men and women.
If the economy continues to decline, suicides could go up, researchers say.
White people age 40 to 64 have "recently emerged as a new high-risk group for suicide," according to the study in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.
Suicides increased between 1999 and 2005 by about 3 percent annually in white men and 4 percent in white women age 40 to 64, according to Susan Baker, M.P.H., of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore, Maryland, and her colleagues. Suicide rates remained the same in Asians and Native Americans, and declined in blacks.
Overall, the suicide rate rose in the early 1980s, then dropped each year from 1986 to 1999. From 1999 to 2005, however, the rates have increased 0.7 percent annually.
In all, 32,637 people killed themselves in the United States in 2005, a rate of 11 per 100,000 people.
The reason for the increase is unknown. But if economic conditions continue to decline, suicides could go up. "This is a concern, especially when one looks at the high rates during the Great Depression," says Baker. Health.com: How exercise can improve your mood
Seetal Dodd, Ph.D., a senior fellow at the University of Melbourne in Australia, has found that suicide rates tend to fluctuate with the economic trends -- at least in men.
Seetal Dodd, Ph.D., a senior fellow at the University of Melbourne in Australia, has found that suicide rates tend to fluctuate with the economic trends -- at least in men.
The study is cause for concern, Dodd says, because it identifies middle-aged white men as the new high-risk group for suicide -- the same section of the population at risk for suicide during an economic downturn.
"There is a considerable risk that the current economic situation may result in a further spike in the suicide rate for men of working age, especially if we start to see an increase in unemployment and a decrease in housing affordability and consumer sentiment," Dodd says.
Robert Bossarte, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Rochester in New York, says that people have traditionally focused on suicide prevention in the very young and the old, but not necessarily the middle-aged. Historically, people over 65 have had the highest suicide rates, but this study suggests that trend is changing.
October 08, 2008
Upcoming 40th
We received an envelope on our doorstep when I got home last night.
I was quite surprised when I opened it up to learn that we were invited to a 40th birthday party for one of our other neighbors. Even more so that is 2 months from now?!?
I'm not exactly sure if it's a misprint so I'll have to call. I don't think I've ever been invited to a party for someone I've only had a few brief conversations with let alone two months in advance. In a way I'm touched. I take a little bit of comfort in knowing that one of the neighbors think well enough of my wife and I to ask us to attend a birthday party.
My wife doesn't know about it yet since she is away on business and I haven't spoken to her yet since I found it. It would be nice if she goes, but even if for some reason she doesn't I will be there. For the longest time I thought our neighborhood needs a certain type of 'healing' or 'support' for each other in lieu of recent events and past indiscretions and cliques that appear to have formed. Despite the fact my wife may not get along with everyone...actually...in all honesty, there have been a few that have shunned my wife for who knows what (at least nothing that I am personally aware of), I'd like to think that my neighbors like me. I may be the second youngest man on the street, but I think I have a certain repoir with everyone and have never ruffled any feathers. I'm smart enough to know what to get involved in...and what not to.
Anyway, it would be somewhat disrespectful if we did not go, and may close down the avenue of any future socialization between our house hold and others. I'm not going inorder to 'score' points, but rather to show my appreciation that they though of us and thank them.
I really don't know much about him, so getting a gift is going to be an exercise in brain power. What do you get someone you really don't know that hopefully won't offend their character?
Hopefully my wife will agree to attend as well....but I plan on going no matter what.
I was quite surprised when I opened it up to learn that we were invited to a 40th birthday party for one of our other neighbors. Even more so that is 2 months from now?!?
I'm not exactly sure if it's a misprint so I'll have to call. I don't think I've ever been invited to a party for someone I've only had a few brief conversations with let alone two months in advance. In a way I'm touched. I take a little bit of comfort in knowing that one of the neighbors think well enough of my wife and I to ask us to attend a birthday party.
My wife doesn't know about it yet since she is away on business and I haven't spoken to her yet since I found it. It would be nice if she goes, but even if for some reason she doesn't I will be there. For the longest time I thought our neighborhood needs a certain type of 'healing' or 'support' for each other in lieu of recent events and past indiscretions and cliques that appear to have formed. Despite the fact my wife may not get along with everyone...actually...in all honesty, there have been a few that have shunned my wife for who knows what (at least nothing that I am personally aware of), I'd like to think that my neighbors like me. I may be the second youngest man on the street, but I think I have a certain repoir with everyone and have never ruffled any feathers. I'm smart enough to know what to get involved in...and what not to.
Anyway, it would be somewhat disrespectful if we did not go, and may close down the avenue of any future socialization between our house hold and others. I'm not going inorder to 'score' points, but rather to show my appreciation that they though of us and thank them.
I really don't know much about him, so getting a gift is going to be an exercise in brain power. What do you get someone you really don't know that hopefully won't offend their character?
Hopefully my wife will agree to attend as well....but I plan on going no matter what.
October 07, 2008
Exhausted
I'm not exactly sure why, but I just don't seem to have much energy lately. The last few days I catch myself constantly yawning, daydreaming, and feeling very lethargic. The idea of actually getting up in the morning and going to work, or basic chores around the house just seems like a monumental undertaking.
While I went to bible study on Saturday morning, I failed to go to church again on Sunday...I just wasn't in the mood to get up....which sounds like an excuse and a cop-out, and it is. That's been on my mind the last few days and I have a twinge of guilt about it as well.
It may be a combination of a few things: warm weather, chores at the house that seemingly never end, my wife is out of town for the next seven days on business, and a very stagnant career.
The weather has been a bit on hot side as of late which can drain your energy, but add to the fact I work in some non-air conditioned rooms or walk quite a bit over black asphalt everyday with no shade, I end up feeling sweaty, dirty, and drained. Lately my soles of my feet and my calves have been very sore where the thought of walking anymore any particular day makes me place my head down on my desk.
With my wife out of town for 8 days straight and myself gone for 9.5 hours a day at work, the thought of coming home to do laundry, walk the dog (plus feeding and picking up after him), getting the mail, cooking dinner, cleanup, vacuum, mop, dust, trash, etc. also seems daunting.
Finally my work. The last two weeks it has been a real struggle to get motivated. It's not a 'bad' job, Lord knows there are plenty worse ones out there. I'm very thankful for what I have. I'm lucky to realize I even have a job in this current economy as well. But all that aside, it's been very thankless as of late. It has been stagnant and riddled with hardware issues that no one wants to spend money on to fix. So I just seem to keep patching and fixing the same things over and over again. It seems as I fix one thing, something else then breaks. Rinse and repeat...ad-naseum.
I look back at this summer and with the holidays approaching once again, and I realize that yet another year is almost gone where we have not taking any sort of vacation. We either have no money, or no time. Or is it because we are not willing to make the time? It just seems we always have some sort of other obligation we aren't in control of, and when we do get a break, it's perhaps one day...and we're so tired...we just want to stay home anyway.
I can't speak for my wife, but once again, I just feel burnt out. The 9.5 hour day just seems like it drags on and on, and my normal work week seems like it takes forever for Friday to roll around.
I slept okay last night, but had no real strength (mental or physical) to want to get up today. I could have stayed in bed another hour or so, but the fact that I do have a job and responsibility did make me get up. Even my infusion of a medium cup of Starbucks isn't getting me peppy enough to last the whole day.
As I was walking into work this morning, I was thinking about happiness again. On how I wish I could do certain things all over again, perhaps even my career. I don't know how to explain how I feel about my job. I do indeed like it, but perhaps more so on my terms. If I could be left to my own devices, and my own budget, I think I'd enjoy my job much more. But the fact that I have to answer to people who don't understand my niche hardware, or hold the purse strings on ever getting new equipment makes it seems like I always show up to work with one arm tied behind my back and someone else erecting hurdles in my path. Despite the earlier 'promises' that I was hired to take the ball and run with it, clearly no one has given me the ball yet. I'm still waiting for it to be passed down to me, and I doubt it's going to happen anytime soon.
So I was contemplating, yet again, on why I do what I do. Why aren't I working with animals. Why am I still here? Sure, my bills and financial responsibilities (especially those of my wife) won't go away anytime soon, so I do what I have to do, to ensure we make it. But as every day marches on, I realize I'm not really happy, and I don't think I have been for quite some time now. Could I be happy with something easier and pays less? I don't know. I don't want something easy in the sense of non-challenging....I need a challenge. I'm just tired of corporate America...and I just keep thinking about dogs and pets instead...and working at a pet store or something.
My thoughts are really disjointed today. I'm quickly scanning back over the last few paragraphs and I realize I'm spending a lot of time writing, but not really capturing my feelings as I intended to share with you so I think I'll end here for now.
While I went to bible study on Saturday morning, I failed to go to church again on Sunday...I just wasn't in the mood to get up....which sounds like an excuse and a cop-out, and it is. That's been on my mind the last few days and I have a twinge of guilt about it as well.
It may be a combination of a few things: warm weather, chores at the house that seemingly never end, my wife is out of town for the next seven days on business, and a very stagnant career.
The weather has been a bit on hot side as of late which can drain your energy, but add to the fact I work in some non-air conditioned rooms or walk quite a bit over black asphalt everyday with no shade, I end up feeling sweaty, dirty, and drained. Lately my soles of my feet and my calves have been very sore where the thought of walking anymore any particular day makes me place my head down on my desk.
With my wife out of town for 8 days straight and myself gone for 9.5 hours a day at work, the thought of coming home to do laundry, walk the dog (plus feeding and picking up after him), getting the mail, cooking dinner, cleanup, vacuum, mop, dust, trash, etc. also seems daunting.
Finally my work. The last two weeks it has been a real struggle to get motivated. It's not a 'bad' job, Lord knows there are plenty worse ones out there. I'm very thankful for what I have. I'm lucky to realize I even have a job in this current economy as well. But all that aside, it's been very thankless as of late. It has been stagnant and riddled with hardware issues that no one wants to spend money on to fix. So I just seem to keep patching and fixing the same things over and over again. It seems as I fix one thing, something else then breaks. Rinse and repeat...ad-naseum.
I look back at this summer and with the holidays approaching once again, and I realize that yet another year is almost gone where we have not taking any sort of vacation. We either have no money, or no time. Or is it because we are not willing to make the time? It just seems we always have some sort of other obligation we aren't in control of, and when we do get a break, it's perhaps one day...and we're so tired...we just want to stay home anyway.
I can't speak for my wife, but once again, I just feel burnt out. The 9.5 hour day just seems like it drags on and on, and my normal work week seems like it takes forever for Friday to roll around.
I slept okay last night, but had no real strength (mental or physical) to want to get up today. I could have stayed in bed another hour or so, but the fact that I do have a job and responsibility did make me get up. Even my infusion of a medium cup of Starbucks isn't getting me peppy enough to last the whole day.
As I was walking into work this morning, I was thinking about happiness again. On how I wish I could do certain things all over again, perhaps even my career. I don't know how to explain how I feel about my job. I do indeed like it, but perhaps more so on my terms. If I could be left to my own devices, and my own budget, I think I'd enjoy my job much more. But the fact that I have to answer to people who don't understand my niche hardware, or hold the purse strings on ever getting new equipment makes it seems like I always show up to work with one arm tied behind my back and someone else erecting hurdles in my path. Despite the earlier 'promises' that I was hired to take the ball and run with it, clearly no one has given me the ball yet. I'm still waiting for it to be passed down to me, and I doubt it's going to happen anytime soon.
So I was contemplating, yet again, on why I do what I do. Why aren't I working with animals. Why am I still here? Sure, my bills and financial responsibilities (especially those of my wife) won't go away anytime soon, so I do what I have to do, to ensure we make it. But as every day marches on, I realize I'm not really happy, and I don't think I have been for quite some time now. Could I be happy with something easier and pays less? I don't know. I don't want something easy in the sense of non-challenging....I need a challenge. I'm just tired of corporate America...and I just keep thinking about dogs and pets instead...and working at a pet store or something.
My thoughts are really disjointed today. I'm quickly scanning back over the last few paragraphs and I realize I'm spending a lot of time writing, but not really capturing my feelings as I intended to share with you so I think I'll end here for now.
October 02, 2008
Dreams
It started Monday night, and now it's been three days in a row now that I've had 'bad' dreams. Not exactly nightmares, or anything demonic or evil, but bad dreams none the less.
Monday night I had a dream in regards to my old job again...the one I lost two years back. I felt very uncomfortable running into old co-workers and I found myself walking the halls of my old company again. I'm not exactly sure why I was there, or what my circumstances were, but I do know in the back of my mind I was concerned about finances.
Tuesday I dreamt my wife and I were arguing, and that she threatened divorce. I have no idea again the circumstances that led up to this. When I woke up that morning my emotions were both of sadness and of anger. Perhaps I've been thinking about my neighbors too much and how their circumstances sometimes overlap with mine.
Last night. once again it was work related, and I found myself in an innocent pickle and my delays were causing the grief of others that were just trying to get their own job done as well. I was clearly out of my comfort zone and familiar territory.
The result of these has left me a little weary in the morning, and a bit sore. I've been waking up to find myself not energized and my legs and lower back full of aches.
My wife has been haveing a rough time at her own work this past week as well. She's been getting up early to go to work, working long hours, and then coming home and working on her laptop for additional hours. Last night as I watched TV, she was on her laptop until 11pm! She's on salary (for 40 hours), but easily has worked about 60 hours a week the past two, and has to go out of town next week on a business trip for 6 days (Vegas, no less). She's been getting no support at work...she told me her boss and her co-worker have been working very minimal hours at best...and then keep questioning her on the status of everything. There may be some organizational changes in the future she fears as well, which may place her under a different manager, and now she fears that she'll be stuck in her position for another five or more years.
Unfortunately with the economy the way it it, and her limited skill set, she can't really afford to quit and look for a new job. We aren't broke, nor are we close to losing our home, but we really can't afford any luxuries right now...and we don't even have a child living with us. It could be worse, but we're a long way from better too. I've been watching the candidates and this whole financial crisis thing pretty closely. We've definetly tightened our belts and made some personal sacrifices that come close to the time when I did lose my job. It can be very frustrating and mentally taxing to us and our marriage.
Monday night I had a dream in regards to my old job again...the one I lost two years back. I felt very uncomfortable running into old co-workers and I found myself walking the halls of my old company again. I'm not exactly sure why I was there, or what my circumstances were, but I do know in the back of my mind I was concerned about finances.
Tuesday I dreamt my wife and I were arguing, and that she threatened divorce. I have no idea again the circumstances that led up to this. When I woke up that morning my emotions were both of sadness and of anger. Perhaps I've been thinking about my neighbors too much and how their circumstances sometimes overlap with mine.
Last night. once again it was work related, and I found myself in an innocent pickle and my delays were causing the grief of others that were just trying to get their own job done as well. I was clearly out of my comfort zone and familiar territory.
The result of these has left me a little weary in the morning, and a bit sore. I've been waking up to find myself not energized and my legs and lower back full of aches.
My wife has been haveing a rough time at her own work this past week as well. She's been getting up early to go to work, working long hours, and then coming home and working on her laptop for additional hours. Last night as I watched TV, she was on her laptop until 11pm! She's on salary (for 40 hours), but easily has worked about 60 hours a week the past two, and has to go out of town next week on a business trip for 6 days (Vegas, no less). She's been getting no support at work...she told me her boss and her co-worker have been working very minimal hours at best...and then keep questioning her on the status of everything. There may be some organizational changes in the future she fears as well, which may place her under a different manager, and now she fears that she'll be stuck in her position for another five or more years.
Unfortunately with the economy the way it it, and her limited skill set, she can't really afford to quit and look for a new job. We aren't broke, nor are we close to losing our home, but we really can't afford any luxuries right now...and we don't even have a child living with us. It could be worse, but we're a long way from better too. I've been watching the candidates and this whole financial crisis thing pretty closely. We've definetly tightened our belts and made some personal sacrifices that come close to the time when I did lose my job. It can be very frustrating and mentally taxing to us and our marriage.
October 01, 2008
Reconciliations
Well, at least I have a glimmer of some good news as of late.
It appears that my neighbors recent seperation and possible divorce looks to be put on hold. I noticed his car in the driveway earlier last week and it was there the next morning.
Of course speculation was running wild throughout the block, but it was all hush-hush. I had a feeling early on that this may be possible despite what others were constantly saying.
Finally after a few days, the female neighbor sent my wife an e-mail saying they needed to talk. Of course, with much trepidation, humbleness and timidness our neighbor explained to my wife that she and her husband were going to try and 'work things out'. I am to understand that he has agreed to go to cousneling, and after being a way for a few weeks has perhaps 'woke up and smelled the coffee' and while much needs to be worked on for the forseeable future in terms of trust and emotions, he will be over there a few nights a week.
He, (and it is understandable as to why) is a little shy right now to face everyone on the street for I am sure what he sees as a grilling and the task of explaining his recent actions to all. I don't blame him. I'm nit exactly sure what I would do either. I'd like to think I'm man enough to go door to door and maybe lay it on the line on a one-on-one conversation with those that I felt were involved. In this manner, I'm gald I stayed out of it to begin with other than my advice to the wife.
On the other hand my own wife feels a bit awkward right now and has a small serving of self-imposed 'crow' to eat. This is one of the times where I tried to give my wife advice as to how involved she should get lest things turn around, but she went with her own feelings anyway, and now realizes that perhaps she got 'too' involved and now even feels more awkward than anyone else on the street that has moved back in. She gave me that look the other day that said "Don't tell me 'I told you so'. I know, okay."
I did run into him yesterday for the first time since everything went down about a month ago. All I could muster up was "Hey, I like you hair like that." (It was a little longer and did look good). I didn't want to bring attention to all the stuff going on in their lives right now, so I pretended that all was normal.
If and when he is ready to talk, perhaps he'll open up to me. I can imagine he'll need all the friends he can get right now with all eyes on the street currently on him.
The Lord recommends that we seek for reconcillation. He doesn't want any marriage or relationship to suffer. I hope His attention soon turns to me and my own wife. I'd like to think she learned some lessons in this recent situation next door, and for the first time since we've been married....she has been a little more open about her feelings and is able to admit some of her own flaws in our marriage. I suppose that's a good sign. I guess I'll take what I can get for now.
It appears that my neighbors recent seperation and possible divorce looks to be put on hold. I noticed his car in the driveway earlier last week and it was there the next morning.
Of course speculation was running wild throughout the block, but it was all hush-hush. I had a feeling early on that this may be possible despite what others were constantly saying.
Finally after a few days, the female neighbor sent my wife an e-mail saying they needed to talk. Of course, with much trepidation, humbleness and timidness our neighbor explained to my wife that she and her husband were going to try and 'work things out'. I am to understand that he has agreed to go to cousneling, and after being a way for a few weeks has perhaps 'woke up and smelled the coffee' and while much needs to be worked on for the forseeable future in terms of trust and emotions, he will be over there a few nights a week.
He, (and it is understandable as to why) is a little shy right now to face everyone on the street for I am sure what he sees as a grilling and the task of explaining his recent actions to all. I don't blame him. I'm nit exactly sure what I would do either. I'd like to think I'm man enough to go door to door and maybe lay it on the line on a one-on-one conversation with those that I felt were involved. In this manner, I'm gald I stayed out of it to begin with other than my advice to the wife.
On the other hand my own wife feels a bit awkward right now and has a small serving of self-imposed 'crow' to eat. This is one of the times where I tried to give my wife advice as to how involved she should get lest things turn around, but she went with her own feelings anyway, and now realizes that perhaps she got 'too' involved and now even feels more awkward than anyone else on the street that has moved back in. She gave me that look the other day that said "Don't tell me 'I told you so'. I know, okay."
I did run into him yesterday for the first time since everything went down about a month ago. All I could muster up was "Hey, I like you hair like that." (It was a little longer and did look good). I didn't want to bring attention to all the stuff going on in their lives right now, so I pretended that all was normal.
If and when he is ready to talk, perhaps he'll open up to me. I can imagine he'll need all the friends he can get right now with all eyes on the street currently on him.
The Lord recommends that we seek for reconcillation. He doesn't want any marriage or relationship to suffer. I hope His attention soon turns to me and my own wife. I'd like to think she learned some lessons in this recent situation next door, and for the first time since we've been married....she has been a little more open about her feelings and is able to admit some of her own flaws in our marriage. I suppose that's a good sign. I guess I'll take what I can get for now.
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