Animals....Part I

God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. (Genesis 1:25)

I'm not sure why God has placed it upon my heart and soul as of late, but I have become somewhat more sensative towards animals, more specifically, common pets. I guess because of their social connection with people as a learned trait we as humans have cultivated over the centuries.

While I do think about wild animals, and their plights, I guess I am more empathetic to domesticaed animals with a higher degree of emotion and intelligence like dogs and cats. That's not to say I don't appreciate a nice fish tank, or those with reptiles, or even birds....but there is something about dogs and cats that just seemed more evolved on an emotional and reasoning plane than other domesticated animals. I suppose the same could be said for horses and other mammals, but because of their size, and my little exposure to them I don't have the same connection with them. I suppose that could and would change if I worked at a stable, or grew up on a farm, but that's all hypothetical.

I puzzle at God's initial plan and design of animals. With humans, we are of one species divided amongst many races. But in the end we are but one species, and God gave us dominion over all animals, sea life, birds, etc. But we fell into sin, whereas I think animals are incapable of sin. Their actions are based upon instincts that are hard-wired from the Creator. Scientists have further gone on to determine that some animals (and insects) have higher brain functions than others, and even have some semblance of basic emotions....not to the complexity of human beings. They may experience fear, anger, desire, survival, etc...but not things such an envy, jealousy, betrayel, lust, etc.

I am further puzzled that God once said he was displeased with his creations prior to deciding to flood the earth in the time of Noah. Other than those creatures that made the trip on the ark, it is said that God wiped out ALL living things. I can understand the demise of wretched human, who were of sin nature, but I cannot fathom his dire sentence cast upon animals. What did they do wrong? I do not believe God makes mistakes, so why was he displeased? Seems rather harsh to me, and I cannot even begin to process this to make a justifcation on His behalf. I just accept it as truth based upon my faith.

As a child, I never had a dog. I had a few fish, a few parakeets, even a hamster. They were fine pets, but I never felt reciprocation of love and comfort from any of them....well, maybe my hamster was the closest thing to showing me some response, but all in all I never experienced what movies and books and poems and more describe as 'mans best friend' or a bond with an animal. I even grew up not caring for cats that much. To me, they were lazy, full of attitude, smelt like amonia, and their dander made my eyes water and my nose stuffed. Like most men, I didn't have a positive reaction when shown a cat.

While I am still not their biggest fans, my stance has definetly softened, and I do look at them somewhat differently today.

When I was on my medications.....and in emotional turmoil....and feeling abandoned by my friends, my family (which weasn't true....it just felt that way), and God (also not true...but still I felt alone) it was my dog that sat on my lap when I cried for hours at a time. He did not judge me...all he knew was his master was hurt, that something was not right, and while he could not talk to me...his actions and his demeanor spoke volumes. I may not have always recognized it at the time for I was spiritually in shambles, but now when I look back I cannot help but realize that my dog was there as a companion, to weather my own personal storm by my side when no one else could. People wanted to always talk to me in cliches, give me upbeat speeches, platitudes on life and 'master plans', and all these things did not do much for me at all.

It was the unsaid words, the silent actions of my dog, who curled up next to me and kissed my hand and wagged his tail between my sobs who sometimes jolted me out of sinking even further. It was during these moments, my bond strengthened with my dog even more so than that of friends and family members....even to this day.

It is with these actions that my thought process of animals and their role in Gods overall plan changed. For all my life I thought of animals as either 'cute' pets, or food, or organic machines of labor....never as an extension of my own soul and emotion. While I once read about clinical studies of animals and the sick and elderly and benefits derived from animal visits, I never once experienced this myself first hand and could identify their theraputic effects.

But in those certain moments now, when all is quiet, and my dog looks at me, or sits in my lap, or follows me about the house, or begs for my attention....when he does have my attention and I look within him, I swear I see and feel the strength and love of God that He has imbued within this animal. It's as if I see beyond his eyes, and peer into something I can't just put into words.

To be continued......

New Links

I added two new links today.

Actually, one link, and one donation widget to the ASPCA.

PuppyTherapy.com is a site they describe as: "Puppy pictures make the world a happier place." I couldn't agree more, as dogs (and even cats) have an unfathomable and limitless amount of unconditional love for their owners.

I know for myself, my dog really got me through some rough patches. When I felt lost and hopeless at times, when I didn't want to hear from any otehr person, it was only through my dogs companionship and attention towards me that I saw the love of God staring back at me. That may sound a bit strange, but his (my dog) devotion to me reminded me so much of His (my Lord) attempt to comfort me and recognize that I wasn't myself.

In an additional attempt to find some meaning to my life and all the craziness that surrounds me, I have come to realize over the last few months how important domesticated animals are to people. I know 'domesticated' sounds so 'clinical', but sometimes I am at a loss for regular wording. I just know that since I have had my dog, he has revealed so much more to me about myself, me feelings, my emotions, and more and I recognize more of God's creations and His own love for us through my pup.

I recently heard a radio ad in which a "Counsler" type suggested that people take precidence over animals, and if it came down to a choice, people should always come first. I guess at a high level viewing of that statement I would have to agree, but over time, my viewpoint and opinion changes depending on the person and/or situation. After I watch many of Animal Planets shows, I am appalled and embarrased and ashamed on how some people treat their pets. If God asked me to chose between a person and a pet, sometimes I'd be hard pressed to make a decision. People are sinful in nature, whereas pets are not. I have been let down so many times by people, including those that are blood related and best friends, I lack a certain amount of 'faith' anymore, or allegiance to people. I don't have that problem with animals.

Anyway, I have included a link below to raise money for the ASPCA. It is a wonderful organization that is a non-profit entity thats sole purpose is to help end cruelty to animals, and find nice homes for potential adoptees. They also help in animal education, and perform medical procedures and treatments to animals that otherwise may die or suffer.

I am seriously considering devoting some spare time of mine as a volunteer to this organization, but I also know I am very emotional. As much as I want to help animals, I know I get attached very easily. Even now, I find myself in tears at times watching these shows, and I cry for the animals that are suffering or are abused or neglected. I so much want to help them all, but I knwo I cannot. I fear the emotional strain on myself would also put me back in a downward spiral. However, I thank God so much for my dog and his creations, but I do wonder why he allows them to be put in situations where man causes harm.

So, even if you have $5 extra dollars, please click the link below and help me reach my goal of $500.

Father's Day

I've been a step-father for four years now, and father to my pooch for two, and I never really think of myself as a father on a day-to-day basis. My wife and I once tried for children, and I would still like to have my own, but I guess it is currently not in the cards for us, or for me, for that matter.

Sometimes this makes me very sad. There are times I think I am not 'complete' because I do not have any biological children of my own. I can empathize to a certain to degree with women who feel they aren't complete either because they haven't experienced motherhood.

Yes, I think about all those movies and books I cannot share with my son, or the dance recitals of my little girl. The training on how to ride a bike, or that first lost tooth, or that first ball catch. The fact that I cannot give my daughter away at her wedding, or share a beer with my 21 year old son, and finally to be my own grandfather. Seems like that is a part of life that I will never explore, and that does make me sad.

My step-daughter is 15 years old, and we only have her every other weekend. Soon, she will be moving out of state with her dad, and our visits will be further and further apart. She only recently began to call me dad, and I have to say, I do like the ring of that.

But no matter how hard I try, I can't help but shake the feeling that my life in incomplete because of this fact. There are many adults who relish the fact they don't have children. I guess the only time this thought crosses my mind is I wonder how good of a father I may actually might have been. I would like to think I am capable of being a very good father. A loving father. One my children would be proud to have.

On the other hand, I'm a little thankful I don't. Why? Because I never would like to witness my child knowing his or her dad was on the verge of a mental breakdown. That at times it is a struggle for me to get out of bed, to face the day and its responsibilities without secretly wishing to cash it all in. I don't want them to know why daddy cries for no apparant reason, and sometimes I feel as if I could fail them. Not on purpose that is, but to see their protector cringe at the world and run away in fear.

Regardless of those insecurities, I had a very pleasant Father's Day yesterday despite a raging headache I acquired late in the day.

I awoke early in the morning to a strong and fragrant cup of coffee, and my dog sat in my lap in the quiet hours as my wife and daughter continued to sleep. This allowed me to read for a bit, a hobby I wish I could do more of.

When my wife finally awoke, she made some great cinnimon buns. I normally don't eat gooey stuff like that, but yesterday, it just felt, tasted, and smelled so darn perfect. It was then I had a moment of clarity that I cannot really put into words. It was at that moment in time everything seemed perfect....as if I had no care in the world...and everything was going to be okay. I cannot give that feeling enough justice in description, suffice it to say, it felt as if I were not myself.

As I sat on the couch again, my daughter brought me a gift. It was signed from my wafe, my daughter, and my dog. The card was cute. And for the first time, in a long, long time....I truly believe my wife put some thought into my gift. It was one of the most thoughful and nicest things I have ever received from here and I was not only impressed, but touched.

Later that day I planted a tree. Seriously, I planted a citrus tree in my backyard, and I hope to watch it grow over the next few years and provide me with juicy splendor and abundance, not to mention shade and color to my otherwise spartan yard.

Even later still, both sets of our parents came over for dinner. As I BBQ'd, my wife made many of the side dishes and we all had a great time visting, despite my headache. I think my father and father-in-law enjoyed themselves. And to top it all off, I had a very hot shower and a peaceful sleep last night.

Suffice to say, today is full of pleasant memories of yesterday.

If only I had more of those days.

Adding Bible Gateway Link

I kinda sat here this morning looking for some inspiration in the book of James, or any topic as of late that concerns my life, but it seems as if I am drawing a blank.

That's not to say that things have calmed down completely, but my head feels a litte 'grey' this morning and I'm having trouble focusing on 'one' clear thought. It seems I have 'revelations' at the oddest times, and they are never when I am near a PC when I can let my mind flow.

So instead, I figured I'd add some code this morning to a website that can access different versions of the bible. It helps me specifically if I want to look at the diffrences between NIV and NAS versions, but there are quite a few other version as well that can be accessed.

Enjoy.

Turning a Corner

"Cause I've never come close in all of these years
You are the only one to stop my tears
And I'm so scared, I'm so scared

Take me back in time maybe I can forget
Turn a different corner and we never would have met
Would you care" (lyrics from A Different Corner - George Michael)

I know it's been a over a week since my last post. It's been lack of free time as opposed to subject matter to blog about, and I can honestly say for the first time in a long time, I actually feel upbeat....and I'm not taking any anti-depressants right now. As a matter of fact, I haven't touched my Lexapro in almost a month, and Clonzapen in almost three weeks.

That doesn't mean everything is hunky-dory, but perhaps I have been so busy as of late and surrounding myself with 'old' friends and 'new' activities, my mind hasn't had a chance to dwell on the minutiae of life.

I recently started a new job which may also be what the doctor, or in this case, God, has ordered. New settings, new people, new responsibilities....and less stress. I've only been on the job for a week, and it is far less stressful. I don't make as much as I did when I got laid off a year ago, but I am doing better than I was with my recent contract job. I sometimes wonder if God was reminding me that money isn't everything, so He allowed me to be stripped of my financial means and experience hard and stressful work with much less pay. After eight months, perhaps He thought I was ready to move on again, and presented me with an opportunity with a decent financial increase and less stress. At least that's what I would like to think.

My marriage has been a bit happier as well lately. I cannot say it is in the place I would like it to be or imagined it should be, but that is something I continue to pray about as well. Since my mood has been a bit better lately, I also notice that my spouse has had a better attitude towards me as well, and we have been actually doing more together. I would still like (at least what I observe), certain bad habits to disappear, but I guess I cannot expect everything to change at once. Baby steps.

I've been thinking back over the what really has been different the last few weeks. Besides the obvious career change, I've been allowing myself to socialize a bit more as well. I've been visiting a bit more with my neighbors, I recently attended an evening men's only BBQ at my church, and made the large step of meeting up with some old co-workers from my previous job. I was really hesitant on that last one, wondering if that is all they would want to talk about...my departure and what I have been doing this past year. Thankfully, the topic, while broached, was not dwelled upon and I was happy to report that I am bouncing back and am at least 'happy' now. The nicer aspect was that my previous peers treated me as the same 'ole guy they knew, and missed. I even got some warm hugs and firm handshakes from a few that I truly believe were genuine, and this too made me feel good.

But one thing for sure, I am reminded in subtle ways, everyday, that Christ does indeed look after me and makes such things possible. It is in the time of depression and hurt and anger and hopelessness that I so often forget this. I can only see what is in front of me, and quickly look for an immediate scapegoat and temptations. I also believe that I need to make a conscious effort to share my experience's with my friends and peers I come into contact with...to let them know, and not to be ashamed, that I am a man, a human, with real emotions that was kicked down (and can be again), but only through my faith and beliefs in the one true God can I hope to survive and find some semblance of sanity. Oh, I tell them it's not always easy, but I do tell them God is real and He is working with me in ways I do not understand, and He has a plan for me....it might not be 'my' plan, but He knows me better that I do.

Witness.