My life is currently upside down.
My marriage is once again under attack and has been for the past 11 days. It's not looking to good folks, and this time, it was me who screwed up.
Things had been going well for a bit now, and I stuck my foot in my mouth, made a mistake (one too many based on my past) and I can understand why my wife may have issues with trust with me.
I'm in the dog-house big time, and I don't think there's been a day gone by in the last 11 days where I haven't been crying or submitting to the Lord. I know He has forgiven me, as has my family (I have discussed this with them already...and it was humbling and embarassing to say the least).
That being said, my wife is keeping me at arms distance until after the Holidays. Although she is cordial towards me one minute, it can turn somewhat hostile the next in which I just need to sit and listen. That's tough.....to listen to the same accusations day in and day out. I know I screwed up...but to be reminded numerous times a day in spirit crushing.
My sleep and eating cycles have been disrupted, and even in the same room, I feel 100 miles away from her and it kills me.
I'm now on day 5 or 6 of a new Lexapro cycle to help me cope as well as some mild anxiety medication. The sleeping pills I take at night don't seem to help much.
Lord give me strength, and peace of mind, and rest my soul. Through you, even the most hardened hearts can soften. I am human, and I am not perfect. I will occassionally stumble, and thus try harder the next time. Why do these silly temptations get in my way time and time again?
I also need to learn to forgive myself.
November 29, 2011
November 08, 2011
Eyesight is going on me
The last few days, I have forgotten my eye-glasses at home.
And now that I don't have them with me, they are more missed than ever.
When did my reading ability get so hazy? It's as if when I turned 40 years old, God flipped yet another switch within my body and has allowed for my once 20/15 eyes to get very tired and fuzzy. The cruelty of it all is that: A) I love to read, and B) I started building models about a year or so back and my eyes are needed more than ever.
I'm really noticing my issues today as I got a new textbook to begin studying for an exam I wish to take in a few months on convergence technologies. I cracked the book open today, and noted that my eyes are both very fatigued in feeling, and appropriate reading distance from my face....everything is becoming increasingly blurry.
It's a little disconcerting, to say the least. At this rate, it'll be sooner rather than later, that I will need to wear reading glasses full time, or opt for surgery. Just a Godly reminder that our bodies...our earthly temples...are not perfect, but finite, and as in all things in the circle of life...they too have begun to show their age and break down slowly with each passing day.
That's the irony of it all...a sick joke the universe plays out. Musicians who lose their hearing, Master Chefs that lose their sense of smell, engineers who lose their dexterity, and those of us who read and observe the world through our eyes....begin to lose our sight.
And now that I don't have them with me, they are more missed than ever.
When did my reading ability get so hazy? It's as if when I turned 40 years old, God flipped yet another switch within my body and has allowed for my once 20/15 eyes to get very tired and fuzzy. The cruelty of it all is that: A) I love to read, and B) I started building models about a year or so back and my eyes are needed more than ever.
I'm really noticing my issues today as I got a new textbook to begin studying for an exam I wish to take in a few months on convergence technologies. I cracked the book open today, and noted that my eyes are both very fatigued in feeling, and appropriate reading distance from my face....everything is becoming increasingly blurry.
It's a little disconcerting, to say the least. At this rate, it'll be sooner rather than later, that I will need to wear reading glasses full time, or opt for surgery. Just a Godly reminder that our bodies...our earthly temples...are not perfect, but finite, and as in all things in the circle of life...they too have begun to show their age and break down slowly with each passing day.
That's the irony of it all...a sick joke the universe plays out. Musicians who lose their hearing, Master Chefs that lose their sense of smell, engineers who lose their dexterity, and those of us who read and observe the world through our eyes....begin to lose our sight.
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