Not exactly sure as to why, other than I've been lazy, and the fact that I stated in the last few posts that I wanted a more positive spin here. Things have been dark and cloudy for the past year and things were feeling downright melancholy. I didn't want to continue to post dour thoughts and negative news, but unfortunately there hasn't been a lot of upbeat news thus far now that we're into April of 2014.
For all intents and purposes, daily life has been a circular pattern of doing the same stuff over and over, or being at the service of my parents for some recent tragedies that have befallen my family.
I won't go into much detail, I just try to ignore it at this point, lest I get mired into sadness and reliving the things I can't change nor do I have control over. However, to bring you up to speed here are the main events of the last 6 months:
- My mom's mom, obviously my grandmother, passed unexpectedly back in October. I was actually on day one of my first vacation in years, and as I stepped off the plane in Canada, my cell phone rang and my father delivered the bad news. I was sad. I didn't get to say "Goodbye", and here I am thousands of miles from home and there is nothing I can do.
- Then in November, after a last ditch 11th hour power grab attempt (which failed) by my ex-wife, my divorce was finalized. I was not happy (and still not), nor did I celebrate the occasion. Overall, it's sad and continues to bother me....not so much missing her any longer, but I do miss my in laws terribly and the sense of family that seemingly was ripped from my hands and heart. Needless to say my Holidays sucked.
- Speaking of Holidays, my aunt and uncle decided not to attend Christmas, so it was just me, my dog, and my parents. It sucked.
- Fast forward to February 3rd, Superbowl Sunday....My grandfather died (my mom's father). Although he was in his mid 90's and we knew it was coming, it still didn't make things easier for anybody, especially my mother.
- My dog, my love, has a liver ailment and is now on medication.
- In March, the collection agencies step up their game on my ex-wife and send process servers to 'my' house. Not amusing. But they are after her, not me, and this is just further proof that she can't get her act together and she has a civil case in Superior Court levied against her. Now if I was still married to her, guess who would be bailing her out? I don not miss that.
- My work load increased dramatically, and while that isn't a bad thing in itself, it is when your boss is a micro manager and one day you can't take it anymore and you have a mutual blowout. Things needed to be said, and they were, and I am not sorry.
That about sums it up.
So the good news?
Well, there is some.
I started dating again. I found someone, or she'd say she found me, who is everything my ex was not: responsible, loving, Christian, cares about her health (doesn't smoke, rarely drinks), who is affectionate, loves dogs, loves family, loves God. She's a few years older than me, and treats me with respect...something I haven't been used to for quite some time.
I'm also off my meds, and have been now for almost 4 months and feel 'okay'.
I dropped some weight. I'm maintaining 219-220, but like to get down to 210. I was 236 at one point.
I don't cry as much. Every time I hear about my ex's continuing issues, and the holes she digs for herself, I feel just a bit better I didn't stick around to continually pick up the pieces or bail her out. That's her parents problem/issue today,....Good luck.
I'm trying to get out more...trying that is. My sleep still isn't what I'd like it to be. I still have the occasional dreams I don't want, but things are moving forward. My job is 'okay', safe and secure for now. I have a roommate who is considerate, quiet, friendly, and likes both my dog and my friends.
Hopefully, I this entry will be a turning point for me and I will be more regular and upbeat.
