This morning was a legal date for our lawyers coalled the "Trial Setting Conference". I could be wrong, but my best understanding is that both my lawyer and opposing counsel stand before the judge and claim that both sides can't work it out on their own.
Namely my settlement offer was rejected by my wife, and her rebuttle is rejected by me...at least on paper. So hearing that the judge tells both lawyers that the next step is that we will all meet in person at some future date (I'm assuming a few weeks or so) and hash it out as one last ditch effort before it goes to trial.
My lawyer seems to be confident that 90% of all cases are settled here as neither party wants to go to court and spend the money. I would agree, but since my wife seems to be somewhat irrational and stubborn, it will not surprise me (and to the detriment of both our pocketbooks) if she digs in and tries to "get even" in return for my rejection of her claiming to want to work it out.
She supposedly had an interview two weeks ago. Doing what and where, I have no idea, but her part time job isn't cutting it. That would explain why, out of nowhere, my cell phone was hammered the last 2 days with increasingly hostile text messages (all of which I ignored) for the receipt of the ring I bought her 9.5 years ago. It seems everyones best guess is that she wants, or needs, to sell it. I understand that, but I'll also admit it saddens me. It was a nice ring. I spent a lot of time picking it out and still remember the day I gave it to her in front of her parents and mine.
Even if she gave it back to me, I could never give it to someone else. Too many memories.
But the idea that she is demanding that I cough up the receipt magically after almost ten years in silly. Do you keep every receipt? And why is it she expects me to jump through hoops locating and giving it to her 'now'. When I ask for something, she gets around to it whenever she feels like it, and I'm supposed to jump because she asked me to? Not gonna happen.
Anyway, I have a call in to a new CPA to do the taxes. It is not determined if my ex will cooperate or not. Part of me says 'no', because she's mad I'm not jumping at her every command these days, part of me says 'yes' because this is yet another thing I would pay for and one less thing she'd have to take care of herself. So I have no idea.
Finally, I meet with a new counsler today. A faith based one. One who doesn't know me, doesn't know one iota of our story. But I feel the continuing need and desire to have someone address some of my 'spiritual' hangups as of late. There is a certain level of guilt, shame, failure, anger, and forgiveness I have yet to come to terms with. Feelings that wake me up early in the morning, that paralyze me from moving forward at times, that still make me want to crawl into a fetal position at times. But I can tell you I've been off my medication now for at least 2 months. I did have a minor anxiety episode yesterday based on the knoweldge of today's events and the deluge of text messages she's been sending me, but I haven't caved yet.
February 26, 2013
February 21, 2013
7 Cardinal Rules
I must have read this a dozen times already today, and each time it seems to affect me in deeper way. All of these 'rules' ring truth on some level to each of us. At least I'd like to think that everyone can identify to a certain extent on each one of these and how they might apply to our own lives.
I'm also going to admit to you it made me tear up slightly as well. And don't think I haven't noticed how various topics can set me into an emotional tailspin as of late either. This week in general I have noticed I've been abit moodier in general. I've been quick to get frustrated, quick to snap at people, quick to make judgment, etc.
So taking these one by one:
- I'm having an unusually hard time making peace with my past. I think because I truly believe that I haven't been able to have 'my' say to my inlaws, my ex, the friends and neighbors who passed judgement on me without knowing the truth. In my selfish way, I feel wronged, and I can't see a rational way to correct the perceptions leveled against me, the majority of which are just untrue.
- Because I do value my friendships and relationships, this has also been a hard one to swallow. Not that I want it to be my business, but again, I don't like the fact people have based their perceptions and severed ties with me based on falsehoods about my character.
- Ahhh, the cliche of all cliche's. Not sure if I believe this anymore, at least as it applies to me. I see that it has a direct connection to the previous 2 rules.
- Hard to do. Especially when I know I work hard, pray hard, take my time in making decisions and try my best to alleviate any obstructions or sources of conflict. Namely what most of us say "That's not fair." No it isn't. It never will be. Need to accept that, not necessary that I 'understand' it, however.
- Have you read my blog? My mind is my own worst enemy. If I could turn my thought off, the majority of all these other rules may not even factor in.
- Well, I may think God is in charge, but I understand the intent behind this. As in #5, my mind is my own worst enemy and I allow this to rule my state of happiness....which in case if you have't figured out by now is pretty damn vacant.
- I couldn't imagine 'owning' all the problems of the world, nor do I want to, nor do I think I do. I worry about my own problems, but I think (there I go with that thinking again) that the majority of my problems would not be so if certain people lived in reality and stopped putting themselves first. And as I type that, and read it, it comes across very arrogant and selfish on my behalf. I don't claim to have all the answers, nor do I think I am always right or have the best way...but I do have a hard time grasping the fact that others willing drop the ball, throw in the towel, give up, lie and cheat when it others peoples feelings and emotions are in play.
February 20, 2013
No Title
I can't think of a relevant title for my thoughts today. Is it about emotions? Is it about love? Anger? Confusion? Frustration? My own pity party? Something of all of the above?
Probably the later.
I'll shamefully admit I git sucked into watching ABC's 'The Bachelor' this season staring Sean...I'm not saying this because I'm a guy, but he rally seems like a genuine dude...who really cares about people and life. He also comes across very articulate and smart, despite the sterotypical blonde and jock features.
I really like the guy and would consider him 'quality' friendship material if I ever met him.
But this post isn't about Sean. I'm not even sure why I got interested in watching this. Perhaps as some hidden level I am curious to see how 'love' works on a reality show that is part entertainment and how I would react and respond to it at my own level.
Do people really fall in love this quickly? Is it the lights, the camera, the fantasy, the preconceptions? I'm fascinated (God, only knows why) that not just one woman, but a handful of them all have claimed to be 'falling' for a man after these brief encounters with him in a make-believe world, and knowing that other women are vying for his attention at the same time.
Okay, so most of these woman range between the ages of 24 and 32, and I think only one claims to have been married briefly once before at the age of 17, but am I that jaded in my early 40's to be so dumbfounded my their televised devotions?
The weird thing is, I am honestly saying to you that I'm emotional (to a certain extent) on some of the outcomes of the dates and rose ceremonies. I 'feel' for some of these women, and wonder I haven't met anyone like this myself. Do women really throw themselves at men, and have 'love' on their mind...claiming to be a supporter of both family and a husband and seemingly neglect all other thoughts? Or is this just TV and creative editing? Or is it their age and not having real world experience that an extra decade or two under their belts (like me) that can form a real foundation.
It not fair to my ex-wife, and probably not fair to me either, but as a viewer (and human) I can't help but compare snippets of my life to the ones playing out on my TV every week for 2 hours at a time. I'm suckering myself into believing that 'I' actually have a connection with these lovelorn hopefulls, and when Sean dismisses one of them during the weekly rose ceremonies, I 'feel' bad for them. I 'feel' to the extent that I could actually picture them as possibly my own future wife...living out the fantasy that I never recieved from my own marriage.
I look at these women on TV, hear their stories, see how they act, how they respond, their mannerisms, etc., and wonder why I didn't experience any of that.
But then I need to remind myself, I am about 10 years older. That the tropical settings of romantic islands, or cabins with roaring fires amongst serene lakes and snow capped mountains, being jetted in private planes, having 1st class dinners, driving in limosines daily, wearing tuxedos and upscale dresses is not reality. No I drive a 5 year old SUV, and sit in traffic an hour a day, and shop at the local grocery store in my gym clothes, and pick up after my dog, and pick up cigarette butts from my neighbors in my driveway. I buy clothes from Kohl's, and clip coupons, and occasionally have TV dinners. I don't have a six pack (never did), am battling grey hair, and wake up sore in my joints from a hard workout from the day before.
It's not real. And when the cameras go away, what do these women turn into? Where do they return? Do they have the same mundane existance most of us do? How do they react when the 'fairy tale' is over? Will Sean and his fiance (presumably revealed on the last show) actually get married and live happily ever after? Or will it end a few months later like 75% of all the contestants from the previous seasons? If they do get married, will they get divorced like 50% of couples do these days?
More importantly, why am I allowing a show get to me as much as it has and force me to really examine myself day in and day out and my feelinsgs on love?
Probably the later.
I'll shamefully admit I git sucked into watching ABC's 'The Bachelor' this season staring Sean...I'm not saying this because I'm a guy, but he rally seems like a genuine dude...who really cares about people and life. He also comes across very articulate and smart, despite the sterotypical blonde and jock features.
I really like the guy and would consider him 'quality' friendship material if I ever met him.
But this post isn't about Sean. I'm not even sure why I got interested in watching this. Perhaps as some hidden level I am curious to see how 'love' works on a reality show that is part entertainment and how I would react and respond to it at my own level.
Do people really fall in love this quickly? Is it the lights, the camera, the fantasy, the preconceptions? I'm fascinated (God, only knows why) that not just one woman, but a handful of them all have claimed to be 'falling' for a man after these brief encounters with him in a make-believe world, and knowing that other women are vying for his attention at the same time.
Okay, so most of these woman range between the ages of 24 and 32, and I think only one claims to have been married briefly once before at the age of 17, but am I that jaded in my early 40's to be so dumbfounded my their televised devotions?
The weird thing is, I am honestly saying to you that I'm emotional (to a certain extent) on some of the outcomes of the dates and rose ceremonies. I 'feel' for some of these women, and wonder I haven't met anyone like this myself. Do women really throw themselves at men, and have 'love' on their mind...claiming to be a supporter of both family and a husband and seemingly neglect all other thoughts? Or is this just TV and creative editing? Or is it their age and not having real world experience that an extra decade or two under their belts (like me) that can form a real foundation.
It not fair to my ex-wife, and probably not fair to me either, but as a viewer (and human) I can't help but compare snippets of my life to the ones playing out on my TV every week for 2 hours at a time. I'm suckering myself into believing that 'I' actually have a connection with these lovelorn hopefulls, and when Sean dismisses one of them during the weekly rose ceremonies, I 'feel' bad for them. I 'feel' to the extent that I could actually picture them as possibly my own future wife...living out the fantasy that I never recieved from my own marriage.
I look at these women on TV, hear their stories, see how they act, how they respond, their mannerisms, etc., and wonder why I didn't experience any of that.
But then I need to remind myself, I am about 10 years older. That the tropical settings of romantic islands, or cabins with roaring fires amongst serene lakes and snow capped mountains, being jetted in private planes, having 1st class dinners, driving in limosines daily, wearing tuxedos and upscale dresses is not reality. No I drive a 5 year old SUV, and sit in traffic an hour a day, and shop at the local grocery store in my gym clothes, and pick up after my dog, and pick up cigarette butts from my neighbors in my driveway. I buy clothes from Kohl's, and clip coupons, and occasionally have TV dinners. I don't have a six pack (never did), am battling grey hair, and wake up sore in my joints from a hard workout from the day before.
It's not real. And when the cameras go away, what do these women turn into? Where do they return? Do they have the same mundane existance most of us do? How do they react when the 'fairy tale' is over? Will Sean and his fiance (presumably revealed on the last show) actually get married and live happily ever after? Or will it end a few months later like 75% of all the contestants from the previous seasons? If they do get married, will they get divorced like 50% of couples do these days?
More importantly, why am I allowing a show get to me as much as it has and force me to really examine myself day in and day out and my feelinsgs on love?
February 18, 2013
Couponing...my new sport
But I am getting good at it.
I have to be, being a single man who supports himself these days. It's becoming a new ritual for me. I get the Sunday paper, sit down with a cup of coffee and my scissors, turn up the radio, and clip away the items I know I will use, and the occasional items I think I 'might' use someday in the future.
I also signed up for my grocery store's electronic rewards program where I get an email about 3 times a week for items coming up on sale.
I average around 35% savings every Sunday when I grocery shop for the week. That's a combination of paper coupons, electronic coupons, and a little pre shopping stragegy for the week. It's not uncommon for me now to plan out dinners based on weekly ads and how much I'll buy.
The lowest I think I've saved is around 24%. That's when I first started. My personal best record is either 47 or 48%, but like I said, it's generally around 35-37% for the most parts these days. On a single income, that's quite substantial. I'm spending roughly only $.65 on the dollar. So what used to cost me $100 in grcoceries, now only costs me around $65. This is generally pretty good as I figure I'm saving about $100 a month (probably more like $125-150), or $1,200+ a year.
I wish I could say this also translates into eating healthier....but alas, it doesn't. I don't buy candy bars, sugar cereal, soda pop, or heavily breaded or fried fare...but I do get an occasional frozen pizza now, or some other 'rich' skillet meal with cheese sauce (maybe some Haburger or Tuna helper). I could still cut back on the carbs I suppose, and eat more veggies or 'natural' products. I'm aware of this, and do try, sometimes with better results than others. I also note that I ingest a little too much sodium though from frozen meals or cup of noodles I take to work for lunch.
I'm getting good at noting marketing patterns as well. I don't think most guys pay any attention to this, and perhaps women do but they just don't discuss it or find it interesting as I do. What I'm saying is that I can predict pretty well now when certain items will go on sale based on upcoming holidays, or coupons in the weekly paper, commericials, or even judging marketing/sales cyles (Ex: Oscar Meyer lunch meats have not been on sale the past two weeks, but Hormel and Johnson Farms has, so Oscar Meyer is due for a sale either next week or the week after). That's a lame example, but it holds true. If Coke is on sale this week, Pepsi products usually are the following, and I save coupons for my next trip.
I even bought myself a coupon organizer from Amazon sometime back, and it really helps.
These savings also translate into me bringing more bagged lunches at work. Not only is this a savings from going out to lunch a few times a week, it also save me money on gas. I noticed that over the last few months, my estimated MPG in my car has crept up from 19 MPG to 20.2 MPG these days. I'm actually making my tank stretch a little further nowadays as well, which is really important since gas prices in my area just spiked again ($4.29 a gal for 87 octane today).
Going to CR on Friday nights, or just staying home has also helped. I'm not hitting the town throwing away $25 for friday night dinners and drinks. If I am going to have a beer or a mixed drink, I do it at home. I can get a whole bottle of Jack Daniels on sale for around $15, whereas a single Jack & Coke's at the local watering hole is now $6 each! There was a while I was having a few beers every Friday night after work. Generally that was $20 give or take afew every Friday...probably closer to $85 - 100 a month. Now I don't. That's a huge saving right there if you think about it.
Video games? I buy used or wait until they are 3-4 months old, because they usually drop in price afetr an appropriate cycle in time like most software. Why buy a game on day 1 for $59.99, when I can get it for $29.99 or $39.99 4 months from now?
Lastly, this mentality has carried over to my utilities as well. I may have mentioned it before, but when I am gone to work for the day, I don't have fans running in the house 24/7 as 'we' did under the old regime. I unplug certain appliances if not in use (toaster, electric shaver chargger, oscilating fans, etc.) and make sure the lights are all off. With her out of the house, my utilities have actually dropped to 1/3rd their former level...yes..this is fact.
I get a kick when the checker behind the cash register looks at me and says, "Pretty good for a guy. I'm impressed."
So call that a silver lining if you will.
February 11, 2013
A Lesson from Paul
When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in harmony with each other. Don't try and act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all!
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible.
Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written:
"I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it," says the Lord.
Instead, do wha the Scriptures say"
"If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink, and they will be ashamed of what they have done to you."
Don't let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good. (Romans 12: 15-21)
This passage is from my New Believers Bible, a slightly more simplistic version than the same verses in my NIV bible, but same nonetheless.
After debating on not going to church yesterday because I really wasn't in the mood to do so, I'm glad that a friend talked me into going afterall. The message seemed longer than usual, but perhaps God really needed to speak AT me and TO me.
See, I've been struggling the last few weeks in regards to forgivness, a degree of bitterness, thoughts of 'justice' and 'fairness', and overall moving on. But that's the rub, these issues I am guilty of making MY own, and not placing faith in God that He will see me through it all.
If you'll recall, it wasn't to long ago I was speaking of forgiveness right here in an earlier post. But it just wasn't about me forgiving, but trying my hardest to remember not to seek the world's brand of justice, not to seek revenge, not to drag her down as far as I can in a game of "Who's going to win this"?
The real answer is, we both already lost. But who gains to lose more? Not just financially, but spiritually, and in happiness. Yes, she may indeed get 1/2 my money that I saved up and she blew through her own. I may have the law decide I own her for four years while she continues to do nothing.
But I have a chance of finding a different type of happiness. My habits will bring me new friends, and hopefully someday a new outlook, where I can be at peace with myself inside. Perhaps He will introduce me to someone else, someone appreciative of what I have to offer and recognize my hard work and values for what they are and continue to be.
On the other hand, what are the chances of her doing the same? She will go through the alimony, she will be continue to fault everyone else, she will continue to surround herself with enablers and those who don't know His word.
My grandfather is in his mid 90's, I'm in my early 40's, and I can look back over the last 30 years of my relationship with him and realize that my grandfather is still bitter although he tries to bury it deep down inside and pretend its not there. But we see it. He isn't fooling anyone.
He never remarried. He never allowed himself to find that kind of joy again. If I listen to my mom and my aunt and my grandmother, then my grandfather has been smoldering for over 50 years now.
I don't want to be that guy.
Yesterday's message was more than just being about forgiveness. It was about not seeking vengeance. Not seeking tit-for-tat. Not seeking to reject. Not about "getting even". Instead it was about letting God handle the inequities in life, that He will deal out His justice when He is ready. It may take months, even years, or maybe in the afterlife, but He will determine the outcome if I trust Him.
Instead I am to kill her with kindness.
To be honest, that's hard for any of us to do. And I am no different from anyone else.
I can fully admit that I'm guilty of wanting to dole out my own brand of justice. But if I do? Does that make me any better than her? Do I get a trophy if she is miserable and I "win"? Will my own thoughts betray me and blind me from letting me see the person I may possibly meet in the future? Will my own smoldering rage scare others away? Will I miss the mark of eternal joy because I was hung up on something trivial, and material that I can't take with me into the next life anyway? Will God look at me and say "You didn't get it my son. I told you to forgive as I have forgiven you. I wanted you to be a light amongst others, but instead you squandered any possible joy you could have experienced with thoughts of injustice and anger and drove others from you instead of to you."
God also says he doesn't remove anything from the faithfulls lives that He doesn't replace with something better.
I want that "better". Not because I am greedy or claim to 'deserve' it for my trials and tribulations, but because I want to share with someone I can respect and will respect back. I want to be treated the way I treat others and how I would treat a wife, a spouse, a helpmate, a soulmate. I want to be secure in giving my love out again, and knowing that person will love me...in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, who puts marriage first....above stagnant gossipers trudging through life and have disposable relatinships because they may not agree on one thing.
My pastor finished yesterday with the an old saying, but he added something new (at least to me) at the end:
"They say 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'. Perhaps, but it tends to leave an aweful aftertaste for all the rest of your days."
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible.
Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written:
"I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it," says the Lord.
Instead, do wha the Scriptures say"
"If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink, and they will be ashamed of what they have done to you."
Don't let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good. (Romans 12: 15-21)
This passage is from my New Believers Bible, a slightly more simplistic version than the same verses in my NIV bible, but same nonetheless.
After debating on not going to church yesterday because I really wasn't in the mood to do so, I'm glad that a friend talked me into going afterall. The message seemed longer than usual, but perhaps God really needed to speak AT me and TO me.
See, I've been struggling the last few weeks in regards to forgivness, a degree of bitterness, thoughts of 'justice' and 'fairness', and overall moving on. But that's the rub, these issues I am guilty of making MY own, and not placing faith in God that He will see me through it all.
If you'll recall, it wasn't to long ago I was speaking of forgiveness right here in an earlier post. But it just wasn't about me forgiving, but trying my hardest to remember not to seek the world's brand of justice, not to seek revenge, not to drag her down as far as I can in a game of "Who's going to win this"?
The real answer is, we both already lost. But who gains to lose more? Not just financially, but spiritually, and in happiness. Yes, she may indeed get 1/2 my money that I saved up and she blew through her own. I may have the law decide I own her for four years while she continues to do nothing.
But I have a chance of finding a different type of happiness. My habits will bring me new friends, and hopefully someday a new outlook, where I can be at peace with myself inside. Perhaps He will introduce me to someone else, someone appreciative of what I have to offer and recognize my hard work and values for what they are and continue to be.
On the other hand, what are the chances of her doing the same? She will go through the alimony, she will be continue to fault everyone else, she will continue to surround herself with enablers and those who don't know His word.
My grandfather is in his mid 90's, I'm in my early 40's, and I can look back over the last 30 years of my relationship with him and realize that my grandfather is still bitter although he tries to bury it deep down inside and pretend its not there. But we see it. He isn't fooling anyone.
He never remarried. He never allowed himself to find that kind of joy again. If I listen to my mom and my aunt and my grandmother, then my grandfather has been smoldering for over 50 years now.
I don't want to be that guy.
Yesterday's message was more than just being about forgiveness. It was about not seeking vengeance. Not seeking tit-for-tat. Not seeking to reject. Not about "getting even". Instead it was about letting God handle the inequities in life, that He will deal out His justice when He is ready. It may take months, even years, or maybe in the afterlife, but He will determine the outcome if I trust Him.
Instead I am to kill her with kindness.
To be honest, that's hard for any of us to do. And I am no different from anyone else.
I can fully admit that I'm guilty of wanting to dole out my own brand of justice. But if I do? Does that make me any better than her? Do I get a trophy if she is miserable and I "win"? Will my own thoughts betray me and blind me from letting me see the person I may possibly meet in the future? Will my own smoldering rage scare others away? Will I miss the mark of eternal joy because I was hung up on something trivial, and material that I can't take with me into the next life anyway? Will God look at me and say "You didn't get it my son. I told you to forgive as I have forgiven you. I wanted you to be a light amongst others, but instead you squandered any possible joy you could have experienced with thoughts of injustice and anger and drove others from you instead of to you."
God also says he doesn't remove anything from the faithfulls lives that He doesn't replace with something better.
I want that "better". Not because I am greedy or claim to 'deserve' it for my trials and tribulations, but because I want to share with someone I can respect and will respect back. I want to be treated the way I treat others and how I would treat a wife, a spouse, a helpmate, a soulmate. I want to be secure in giving my love out again, and knowing that person will love me...in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, who puts marriage first....above stagnant gossipers trudging through life and have disposable relatinships because they may not agree on one thing.
My pastor finished yesterday with the an old saying, but he added something new (at least to me) at the end:
"They say 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'. Perhaps, but it tends to leave an aweful aftertaste for all the rest of your days."
February 06, 2013
All quiet on the Western front....sorta
It's been relatively quiet the last few weeks, that is to say, I haven't heard anything directly from 'her' side since my last post. Which all things considering, is a good thing for me.
I spoke to my lawyer once, I think the same day as I posted, later in the afternoon and he told me not to worry. He says this was a ludicrous offer and only a judge, out of his/her mind, would accept this. Which begs me to ask, if the counetr offer is so outlandish to begin with, why did her lawyer allow that offer to even float over? I guess it really doesn't matter...maybe her lawyer allowed this to happen to either: A) see if they could get a rise out of me and how I would react, or B) Everything my ex-wife does earns her lawyer $$, even the silly stuff she can be billed for, but I do indeed wonder how my wife is paying for this all.
I know I'll end up paying her some alimony, but the longer she doesn't get her hands on it, the better. The only news I really have to report is that my lawyer and hers have a meeting on Feb. 26th as a preliminary to setting a trial date. This is mandated by the court and I have a copy of the official summons, so it is moving at a snail's pace....but it is moving.
One really sad thing happened this past week that breaks my heart, but also goes to prove yet again that my wife has infact not changed is the following: My step-daughter turns 21 in about two weeks from now and she posted the fact she is having a party in a few weeks. A mutual friend of my wife's and mine (Mostly my wife as they grew up together, went to school together, were best friends at some point) asked my step-daughter if she could attend. My step-daughter said yes and sent my wife's friend the details.
The very next day, my step-daughter (who as I said will be 21) was forced to call this person and "un-invite" her per my wife's crazy demands. My wife is upset that this person was "one" of the people that shared the fact that she lied to me and went out of town to meet her male 'friend' when I was led to believe she was taking part of a girl's night out only 30 minutes from our house, as opposed to 4 hours away in another state.
So yes, my wife has been texting some nasty stuff to her ex-friend blaming her for taking my side, and thus is not invited to her daughter's birthday. This person has helped my wife so many times in the past, even prior to me, by babysitting her daughter when she was growing up, attending other functions, and countless other favors.
There is absolutely nothing I can do here but shake my head at my ex. This person is heart-broken for being uninvited, but not by my daughter, but by my ex. My ex is so bitter and angry in these text messages, there is no way she has 'changed'. How she has her parents believing she is, is beyond me.
This is the person who accuses me for not being able to forgive her, but apparently she can't forgive her own best friend for exposing her own double-life. Good Lord. Even though this incident has nothing directly to do with me, it still affects me indirectly to see how vitriolic my wife can be and how she continues to hurt those that don't agree with her or see her side.
I told this person she is better off. Be strong. You didn't do anything wrong. Your only crime (and it's only a crime to my wife) is that you exposed her lies, and you weren't the only one. Why do you want to be associated with someone who can throw away a 30 year friendship just as easily as an 8 year marriage? Be happy. Don't let her rob your joy, because if you get caught up in the drama, you gave 'her' the power....that is me talking from experience....first hand.
I spoke to my lawyer once, I think the same day as I posted, later in the afternoon and he told me not to worry. He says this was a ludicrous offer and only a judge, out of his/her mind, would accept this. Which begs me to ask, if the counetr offer is so outlandish to begin with, why did her lawyer allow that offer to even float over? I guess it really doesn't matter...maybe her lawyer allowed this to happen to either: A) see if they could get a rise out of me and how I would react, or B) Everything my ex-wife does earns her lawyer $$, even the silly stuff she can be billed for, but I do indeed wonder how my wife is paying for this all.
I know I'll end up paying her some alimony, but the longer she doesn't get her hands on it, the better. The only news I really have to report is that my lawyer and hers have a meeting on Feb. 26th as a preliminary to setting a trial date. This is mandated by the court and I have a copy of the official summons, so it is moving at a snail's pace....but it is moving.
One really sad thing happened this past week that breaks my heart, but also goes to prove yet again that my wife has infact not changed is the following: My step-daughter turns 21 in about two weeks from now and she posted the fact she is having a party in a few weeks. A mutual friend of my wife's and mine (Mostly my wife as they grew up together, went to school together, were best friends at some point) asked my step-daughter if she could attend. My step-daughter said yes and sent my wife's friend the details.
The very next day, my step-daughter (who as I said will be 21) was forced to call this person and "un-invite" her per my wife's crazy demands. My wife is upset that this person was "one" of the people that shared the fact that she lied to me and went out of town to meet her male 'friend' when I was led to believe she was taking part of a girl's night out only 30 minutes from our house, as opposed to 4 hours away in another state.
So yes, my wife has been texting some nasty stuff to her ex-friend blaming her for taking my side, and thus is not invited to her daughter's birthday. This person has helped my wife so many times in the past, even prior to me, by babysitting her daughter when she was growing up, attending other functions, and countless other favors.
There is absolutely nothing I can do here but shake my head at my ex. This person is heart-broken for being uninvited, but not by my daughter, but by my ex. My ex is so bitter and angry in these text messages, there is no way she has 'changed'. How she has her parents believing she is, is beyond me.
This is the person who accuses me for not being able to forgive her, but apparently she can't forgive her own best friend for exposing her own double-life. Good Lord. Even though this incident has nothing directly to do with me, it still affects me indirectly to see how vitriolic my wife can be and how she continues to hurt those that don't agree with her or see her side.
I told this person she is better off. Be strong. You didn't do anything wrong. Your only crime (and it's only a crime to my wife) is that you exposed her lies, and you weren't the only one. Why do you want to be associated with someone who can throw away a 30 year friendship just as easily as an 8 year marriage? Be happy. Don't let her rob your joy, because if you get caught up in the drama, you gave 'her' the power....that is me talking from experience....first hand.
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