Catching Up

Yeah, I've been a bit remiss in updates as of late.  Somedays it seems everything just runs together and I seem to lose track myself anymore of what's happening.

So I'll skip all the major day by day details and sum it up as such:

The Good:

• My wife appears to be drinking far less these days and is still living with her parents.
• She 'appears' to be wanting to reconcile, but I'm not sure if it's an act or not.
• She has been attending church on a weekly basis the last few weeks.  She has said that she feels that she has indeed been missing a spiritual component in her life, and 'appears' to want to change this.
• She says she realizes that she does indeed love me.
• She quit bowling Monday nights, admitting to me that the people she 'used' to hang around with drink too much, and possibly a bad influence on her in that regard, and has thus decided to remove herself from that arena.
• I got my 90 day chip for co-dependancy last Friday.

The Bad:

• She is still not working and only has around 2 months of unemployment benefits left.
• She does not know what she wants to do.  No idea.  No plan.
• Although she may not be drinking as much, she still drinks, and her family (mom, dad, sister) who urged her to go to treatment 5 months ago seem to have dropped their hard stance and are now 'okay' with her limited drinking.  Can she maintain this, or is this temporary, just to fall back down sometime in the future?  I'm really surprised at their change in stance after being initially so adamant about it.  Actually, I am dissapointed with their 180, but am I really surprised?  I suppose not.
• There has been a loss of friends on both sides of the fence.  Both of us have lost ppl we thought we were close to, but I believe she has lost more than I have, albeit some of them live on my street.
• I quit my men's support group, for now, on Saturday mornings.  It's getting too intense for me, and I end up feeling like crap more times than not after leaving.

The Ugly:

• When I asked her about her recent stance on not paying bills she flat out told me (admitted) that she is not paying any of her CC bills.  In other words, her credit score continues to tank.  She is headed for personal bankruptcy....again....despite everyone telling her (even her counselor) that she needs to maintain her financial resposnibilities.  She just doesn't care, and that just doesn't work for me.  Not at our age.  I'm not gonna be a party to this monetary foolishness anymore.
• She has offered to pay her one CC bill in my name 4 seperate times now.  She has not.  Even the counselor asked her why not, and read her the riot act.  That was a week ago, and I still haven't seen a dime.
• Most of 'my' friends & family believe that she "hasn't" changed, that she is just doing and saying what she has to to get back in my good graces.  I want to give her thebenefit of the doubt, but everyone says I'm foolish and am wearing rose colored glasses if I believe that years of certains behaviors magically changed in teh last few weeks.
• She tried to call my parents yesterday, but they want nothing to do with her anymore.  My mother is not as forgiving as I am, and surprisingly (even to me), my father says he has witnessed too many or her shennanigans and heard to much vitriol from her mouth that he'd rather not be party to her either.  Which puts me in a position of choosing them over her.  Well, they never abandoned me, helped me out, supported me, and had to live through all this misery of mine the last few years.  They told me to move on and are quite adament about me continuing with my divorce.  They feel that she never thought I had the balls to take a stand, and she realizes that her life is falling apart and losing everything now, and only wants to be my wife again because she has no other backup plan.  I can't say I agree, but I don't disagree either.  Anyway, this will be a major sticking point even if I wanted to allow her back in my life, and I am not going to turn on my parents.