By nature, both my wife and I are not morning people. I do adjust a lot faster in the AM than my wife does once I have a cup of coffee. I tend to be usually much more active and productive in the morning than most people once I have my caffiene, but I do tend to operate alone. I'm not one for small talk, idle banter, or "cheery good mornings" first thing upon waking.
Neither is my wife. She actually tends to sleep in a bit longer than myself, although she does go to bed a bit later than me on average as well. However, I noted that the last few weeks, she has been sleeping less and even getting up earlier than me during the week, whereas I have actually been sleeping a bit better and later.
I usually get up at around 6:15 and feed the dog by 6:30, and very rarely do I get to go back to bed for any kind of snoozing. Lately, however, since my wife has been getting up earlier and feeding the dog, I've been lucky and been able to sleep in until 7am or even 7:15.
Why the chnage in my wifes behavior?
Her own stress.
As I mentioned, it's been a little dicey as of late with our finances. I've been doing my best taking care of the big things, and trying to cover her shortfalls as well, but this has drained our saving (I should say 'my' saving as we have seperate accounts) where I can't cover her anylonger. I think she knows this now. We both have made plenty of sacrifices over the last year, and even more so over the last couple of months.
It's been a struggle, but we survive. There's been no vacations, no luxuries, no frivolous spendings. There has been more bagged lunches, cheap dinners, and making other household goods stretch a bit further and longer.
It's been an adjustment for both of us, and while I can't say it's been easy or that I like it, we've been dealing with it. What else can we do but deal with it? But I really can't make any more sacrifices myself. Other than a single magazine subscription that I just renewed and the occasional used book or discounted game, there really isn't anything left for me to cut out. (A nice side benefit I suppose is the fact I'm hardly buying any more liquor either....just an odd side note).
But how did we get here? Well, as I've said before, and I think I am being as honest and fair as I can possibly be, my wife hasn't done us any favors in the past with her spending habits. No, she doesn't go out and buy $200 dresses or $100 shoes. She doesn't drive a fancy car or expensive furniture. She does however tend to put a lot of crap on credit cards including lunches with girlfriends. She gets her nails done a lot, and seems to get a lot of other small stuff. The problem is this: her credit cards are already at very high interest rates and all she does is make the minimum payments. She is also generous with her friends for lunches, also charging these, and maybe the generosity is always 'reciprocated'. So over time, the interest alone is beginning to outpace what she can pay onthe minimum payments. Now it didn't happen overnight, but despite my warnings and naggings and her assurances....what wasn't supposed to happen did....I'm just the only one who isn't in denial about it.
Okay, that's neither here nor there at this point. Suffice to say my wife's current paychecks are basically spent now as soon as she gets them....either to credit card companies or 'fees' assessed by the bank on bounced checks and overdraft protection. It's not that I am ignorant of any of this, it's just that I kinda gave up for right now and find my stress level is much lower if I don't know every detail.
Well, while this may work a bit for my stress, it apprantly has caught up with my wife and now she is stressed out...much more than she leads on.
So this morning, as I came downstairs, getting my coffee fix, and trying to wake myself up, my wife begins to talk to me of her own free will:
I guess she went to her mother sometime this last week and asked for her mother to co-sign a loan fro $10k. This will supposedly pay off her credit cards, and also get the bank off her back. She told me that she has already closed one account and that she is going to get rid of her public storage unit that she is 2 payments behind on (and something I've been lobbying to get rid of for years). She wants to close her checking account and have her check deposited into my account and allow me to be in charge of all the bills. I would give her a weekly allowance. She even mentioned she may have to temporarily give up her *bowling* league for a season (a re-occuring weekly cost of $25-50 every Monday evening).
So I think it is finally sinking into her that she is over her head and all her hard work and long hours is only covering her late fees and interest...that past actions and decisons *she* made has put *us* in a bind.
Now is it 100% her doing? No. I've done a few splurgings on occassion. I've let my eyes be bigger than my wallet here and there. But our situation is 80% my wife and 20% me. I know that may not seem fair or nice, but since we do have seperate accounts, and money isn't pooled, it's easy for me to do the math. I know exactly everything I pay for, and while it's tight, and I skip a lunch here and there, I don't have the bank calling me up and I do not have late fees.
So here's the big caveat to the loan fro my wife. Her mother only agreed to co-sign if we both had a sit down talk with her and bring our bank statements. Her mother admitted this may be a huge invasion of privacy, but I can't blame her. She isn't going to go in on a loan for her daughter if she can't get an accurate accounting of where the current money is going.
I really don't have a problem with this at all. I have nothing to be ashamed of or hide from my mother-in-law. My accounting is rock solid and my spending habits can be all justified. I think my wife is more nervous, as now she won't just have to passify me, but now explain to her mom and most likely her dad. I feel a stern, yet loving, lecture coming our way, and I'm okay with it.
I think her parents need to know. They need to know that I am doing my very best, that I'm not just spending willy-nilly, that my own advice to my wife has never sunk in and I can't cover her anylonger. To me, this actually may be a saving grace moment. I won't be alone in this struggle any longer and my wife can't be in denial any more either. It will relieve some stress off my back as I feel the knowledge is out there. She is going to have to make some promises and deals with her parents....and I'm okay with that.
I am thankful that my wife came to me and seems to understand the severity of our financial issues. That we can't continue to live paycheck to paycheck, barely keeping our eyes above water. I hope that this may even bring us closer together. That she trusts me with her money and knows that I have both of our best interests at heart. That I'm not going to lose my cool or top, and use this situation as a building process moving forward.
I know this is a longer than usual post, but it feels good to get it out there. Now as I pointed out to my wife this morning, it's up to her to get this ball rolling. If she's serious, she needs to start putting this all in motion and commit to a time frame. She has a tendency to have all these ideas, but never follows through on them. Well, I'm here to support her, but I'm not going to drive this. She says she'd liek to have this all taken care of (and close down the storage unit) by Nov. 1.
We'll see.
August 27, 2010
August 26, 2010
Hey Doc...
I received a letter in the mail yesterday from my local health care provider. It seems that my general practioner would like me to come in and re-check my blood work and check teh status of my higher than normal cholesterol.
Whether it was a computerized booking or something he actually though of himself, I'm glad someone is paying attention, because Lord knows I'm not. See, during my last physical (somewhere around a year, maybe more) the doctor said that despite what appears to be looking healthy on the outside, isn't always the case on the inside, and that my cholesterol was higher than it should be for my age (then 39). He requested that I drop a few pounds, change some dietary habits, get more exercise, etc.
The strange thing is that for the most part I do all these things already. I rarely eat junk food, I'm more muscular than the average male my age (I still go to the gym, just not as much as I'd like to or sometimes have the energy for), I don't smoke or do illicit drugs, and I eat a fair amount of greens. My biggest weakness: cheese and chicken wings. Well, I've really cut back on the buffalo wings (a treat for me), I use egg substitute, I've lost around 8 lbs since last year, and I try and make a mental note of the amount of red meat and cheese I eat. I still eat cheese, but try for 2% where I can and I also trim more fat of my steaks. So hopefully, my cholesterol wil improve. But now that I have 2 weeks until my appointment, I can make more of an effort between now and then to really eat right.
I'm glad I'm going to the doctor for my physcial as well. I still have some occasional issues I think are related to stress and some other concerns. This last year my father had his prostrate removed due to cancer. My father is on the road to full recovery as it was caught early on. My father's side of the family has a predisposition to certain cancers so I need to talk to my doc about pre-screening.
I'm also experiencing some other issues. To be frank, and excuse the graphic nature of this, I've been having some anal bleeding epsiodes here and there. Last year it was bad. Bright red blood and I went to the emergency room because there was a lot of blood. It eventually cleared up, but it was undetermined if I had a fissure, or ulcer, or something else. It looks fine down there, but I notice when I drink a bit, have spicy food, or under stress....I bleed. I need to really talk to him about that and maybe have a colonoscopy...just to be safe.
In other news, and it is brighter: The Lord answered a prayer for me/us in regards to some finances. My aunt came through with a nice sized check to help us get out of some tight spots.
I've been sleeping pretty good despite the very warm weather as of late (it's been in the mid to upper 90's this last week), and my hives/chronic uticaria has not made a return thus far this year.
I've been enjoying a new video game called 'Dead Space' and reading a lot more. I actually started a new novel earlier this week (400+ pgs), and I'm already 1/3rd done.
Work is still boring, but my few day vacation is coming up next week. I'll have 5 days off wrapped around Labor Day, and even though I'll be staying home, I'm very excited to just hang out at my house and try my hardest to relax. Depends on how how it will be.
I've also been listening to a lot of Christian talk radio as of late. I enjoy it, but at the same time, I am constantly convicting myself and tend to get a little worried. I keep trying to remind myself that we are forgivem have faith, we are new creatures in Christ, but man, these guys on the radio can really drag you down sometimes and make people like me worry about everything.
To be honest, and I've said it before, sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss. Now that I know the Lord and the Good News, there is a battle that rages on between my spiritual and secular side, and we all know that Satan just loves to whisper in our ears. He reminds me he's around, stalking me constantly, the first to point out when I trip.
Maybe it's just me, but when I trip or stumble, I really feel that Satan really lets me know this. But Jesus is a little more subtle and not as forward when he lifts me back up or tries to support me. I wish it were reveresed, but whose issue is that? Mine? Dunno.
Whether it was a computerized booking or something he actually though of himself, I'm glad someone is paying attention, because Lord knows I'm not. See, during my last physical (somewhere around a year, maybe more) the doctor said that despite what appears to be looking healthy on the outside, isn't always the case on the inside, and that my cholesterol was higher than it should be for my age (then 39). He requested that I drop a few pounds, change some dietary habits, get more exercise, etc.
The strange thing is that for the most part I do all these things already. I rarely eat junk food, I'm more muscular than the average male my age (I still go to the gym, just not as much as I'd like to or sometimes have the energy for), I don't smoke or do illicit drugs, and I eat a fair amount of greens. My biggest weakness: cheese and chicken wings. Well, I've really cut back on the buffalo wings (a treat for me), I use egg substitute, I've lost around 8 lbs since last year, and I try and make a mental note of the amount of red meat and cheese I eat. I still eat cheese, but try for 2% where I can and I also trim more fat of my steaks. So hopefully, my cholesterol wil improve. But now that I have 2 weeks until my appointment, I can make more of an effort between now and then to really eat right.
I'm glad I'm going to the doctor for my physcial as well. I still have some occasional issues I think are related to stress and some other concerns. This last year my father had his prostrate removed due to cancer. My father is on the road to full recovery as it was caught early on. My father's side of the family has a predisposition to certain cancers so I need to talk to my doc about pre-screening.
I'm also experiencing some other issues. To be frank, and excuse the graphic nature of this, I've been having some anal bleeding epsiodes here and there. Last year it was bad. Bright red blood and I went to the emergency room because there was a lot of blood. It eventually cleared up, but it was undetermined if I had a fissure, or ulcer, or something else. It looks fine down there, but I notice when I drink a bit, have spicy food, or under stress....I bleed. I need to really talk to him about that and maybe have a colonoscopy...just to be safe.
In other news, and it is brighter: The Lord answered a prayer for me/us in regards to some finances. My aunt came through with a nice sized check to help us get out of some tight spots.
I've been sleeping pretty good despite the very warm weather as of late (it's been in the mid to upper 90's this last week), and my hives/chronic uticaria has not made a return thus far this year.
I've been enjoying a new video game called 'Dead Space' and reading a lot more. I actually started a new novel earlier this week (400+ pgs), and I'm already 1/3rd done.
Work is still boring, but my few day vacation is coming up next week. I'll have 5 days off wrapped around Labor Day, and even though I'll be staying home, I'm very excited to just hang out at my house and try my hardest to relax. Depends on how how it will be.
I've also been listening to a lot of Christian talk radio as of late. I enjoy it, but at the same time, I am constantly convicting myself and tend to get a little worried. I keep trying to remind myself that we are forgivem have faith, we are new creatures in Christ, but man, these guys on the radio can really drag you down sometimes and make people like me worry about everything.
To be honest, and I've said it before, sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss. Now that I know the Lord and the Good News, there is a battle that rages on between my spiritual and secular side, and we all know that Satan just loves to whisper in our ears. He reminds me he's around, stalking me constantly, the first to point out when I trip.
Maybe it's just me, but when I trip or stumble, I really feel that Satan really lets me know this. But Jesus is a little more subtle and not as forward when he lifts me back up or tries to support me. I wish it were reveresed, but whose issue is that? Mine? Dunno.
August 23, 2010
It was a warm one
Well, the mild weather we've been having as of late has finally broke and are heat wave is here, albeit a bit late this summer. Our neighboorhood starting at around last Thursday has been warm enough now to finally run the A/C. According to the weatherman we can expect this heat (mid 90's) for the majority of this week as well.
The thing about the heat..it tends to make us all just a bit crankier than usual, it has the ability to suck all our energy out of our system, and it tends to make us stay home more. That last one is not a bad thing, we just don't want to be ouut in the heat, so I suppose that saves us some money, although what we save we'll probably spend on the A/C bill in a few weeks.
So things have seemed relatively normal (at least normal for us) this week which is kinda nice change of pace and mental scenery. Just some tidbits of this last week:
The thing about the heat..it tends to make us all just a bit crankier than usual, it has the ability to suck all our energy out of our system, and it tends to make us stay home more. That last one is not a bad thing, we just don't want to be ouut in the heat, so I suppose that saves us some money, although what we save we'll probably spend on the A/C bill in a few weeks.
So things have seemed relatively normal (at least normal for us) this week which is kinda nice change of pace and mental scenery. Just some tidbits of this last week:
- I did stay at work all week long. Tempted as I was, I didn't go home early or take any time off despite being bored out of my skull most of the time. Got bills to pay.
- I did put in a formal request for Sep. 2nd & 3rd off. My wife will be out of town for a few days, and this will allow me to hang out at my house to just do some 'me' things. Most likely work on one of my models. I'll play a video game, catch up on some movies, and try my best to relax. I may even invite my father out one day for lunch and even do some more 'purging' of household items.
- My dog turned 5 last week. I have mixed emotions about this event. I love him so very, very much....more than I can ever express without sounding insane and insensitive to my family. But the fact is, his life is about 1/3rd over and I'm so so scared of that final day. He got a peanut butter cake and a toy.
- I finished the novel "The Art of Racing in the Rain". Loved it, although the overall tone was sad. Now I splurged yesterday (didn't tell my wife I spent $8, after coupon) and bought myself a new science fiction book I am very excited to start today at lunch.
- I didn't drink at all this weekend. I haven't being feeling to well...most likely the heat and my low energy level, so there was no craving for beer or booze, and I feel just fine.
- I did go to church yesterday. It was a bit longer than usual. I'm not crazy about the songs, and there was two more than usual yesterday, but the message was very, very good, and somewhat convicting. It's quite obvious to me and the man in the mirror that additional changes need to be made, once I find the courage and energy to take the first step.
- A friend confided in me that he and his wife are seperating as a trial. He had an affair 3 years ago, and while his wife forgave him, he hasn't forgiven himself. He is hurting in his shame and feels unworthy in the eyes of the Lord. He came to me and I tried to counsel him the best I could, also sharing some of my own secrets and feelings about my own marriage and my struggle with depression. Hopefully we will meet up this upcoming weekend and I can witness to him. God please give me the right words and the right ears to listen and give yoru advice, and not the advice of the world.
- A prayer of mine was answered this last week. A relative, an agnostic one that I've been praying for for years, surprised me by sending me a financial check....no strings attached. It was enough to cover some shortcomings in our household finances and truly a Godsend.
- It was too hot for the gym this weekend. I feel like I should have gone, but I just had no energy.
- My wife and I are getting along fine this past week, kinda like we used to so early on in our marriage. I like it. This relaxes me and puts me in a state of calm. Thank you Jesus.
- I desire a road trip. I'm hoping next year, maybe even early on, say late March or early April my wife and I can take a driving vacation for a week. Not sure exactly sure where. If we had more money I'd love to fly to the east coast. I really want to see things out there, but I'm just not sure we afford it at that time.
- Although it's only Monday....I feel good right now. Here's hoping this last for a week and ahlaf before my time off.
August 11, 2010
Busy and burnt
It's Wed. morning and I'm feeling a little burnt out....again.
It's been a bit busier at work since the end of last week, but I'm not sure if it's due to real issues, the fact that there have been a lot of people out due to vacation, training, or sickness, or because one of my bosses likes to hear himself talk, ergo the over drawn out meetings that take an hour to say something that should only take ten minutes.
Either way, since I started thinking about it almost two weeks ago, I can't stop thinking about taking a few days off. I just don't know when. One of my bosses will be gone all next week, so I'm not going to waste that golden time. This week is half over and two guys in my department are out the whole week as well, and another one is working a modified schedule. That equates to our department being short handed, and there have literally been issues every single day thus far where I guess I'd feel guilty for taking a day off.
It's self punishment mixed in with a sprinkle of guilt. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think that I need to put in a good showing and make my presence known when we are short handed. I'm also probably the only person that is actually thinking that though.
Today's lunch in PB&J sandwiches and a thing of Yoplait yogurt. Dinner last night was a baked potato smothered in canned Chili. The night before that was frozen fish and a few steamed vegetables. So boring and unsatisfying. But we are trying to tighten our belt. My daughter had her hours cut to a paltry 10 hours for the whole week. My wife got a final notice for the water bill last night in which I just shake my head. Not sure how that didn't get paid, but apparently she had enough to buy her cigarettes and a 1.75L of Crown Royal and wants us both to go to a concert this Saturday night. Really? You want to go to a concert where the beers are $7 each, plus parking, plus whatever else and we have a final notice on the water bill? Yeah, I'm still living in the Twilight Zone where up is down and left is right.
That pretty much means I can't go to the fair even if I wanted to tomorrow. It sets a bad example if I complain about the water bill, and then I go off to the fair for the day with my friend. Hypocritical? Hell yes. Self defeating? Check.
As I was walking in the door today I was trying to think of that moment in my life where I zigged when I should have zagged. When did it all change to set me down this path? Here's where Christians get all tripped up, including me: pre-destination or free-will? I get a headache just musing about it, so I'll stop while I'm ahead.
My daughter asked me last night during a cooking show, Master Chef, if I would ever do that. We've had this discussion before and my answer is still yes. However, that's all hindsight. If I didn't have a bad back or bad shoulder, and was 20 years old again....sure, I'd love to be a chef.
I'd love to work for myself and do something passionate. Instead, here I sit...feeling trapped due to financial obligations not all of my doing (although I did play a part to be honest), more educated and knowledgeable than my direct superior...but hand-tied in not being able to make a decision with a wishy-washy committee always second guessing everything and are too afraid to commit one way or another. (nice run on sentence there)
Interuption.....My boss just sent me an email to invite me to a mandatory meeting this Friday (before his vacation) to discuss, again, ad-nasuem, what we just discussed the otehr day. It hasn't even been a week for crying out loud, and I've been covering other stuff since we are short handed. I HAVE NOTHING NEW TO SAY THAT I HAVEN'T JUST SAID A FEW DAYS AGO. God man...give it a rest.
I have to stop this entry right now before I blow up and go all Flight Attendant ala Steve Slater.
It's been a bit busier at work since the end of last week, but I'm not sure if it's due to real issues, the fact that there have been a lot of people out due to vacation, training, or sickness, or because one of my bosses likes to hear himself talk, ergo the over drawn out meetings that take an hour to say something that should only take ten minutes.
Either way, since I started thinking about it almost two weeks ago, I can't stop thinking about taking a few days off. I just don't know when. One of my bosses will be gone all next week, so I'm not going to waste that golden time. This week is half over and two guys in my department are out the whole week as well, and another one is working a modified schedule. That equates to our department being short handed, and there have literally been issues every single day thus far where I guess I'd feel guilty for taking a day off.
It's self punishment mixed in with a sprinkle of guilt. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think that I need to put in a good showing and make my presence known when we are short handed. I'm also probably the only person that is actually thinking that though.
Today's lunch in PB&J sandwiches and a thing of Yoplait yogurt. Dinner last night was a baked potato smothered in canned Chili. The night before that was frozen fish and a few steamed vegetables. So boring and unsatisfying. But we are trying to tighten our belt. My daughter had her hours cut to a paltry 10 hours for the whole week. My wife got a final notice for the water bill last night in which I just shake my head. Not sure how that didn't get paid, but apparently she had enough to buy her cigarettes and a 1.75L of Crown Royal and wants us both to go to a concert this Saturday night. Really? You want to go to a concert where the beers are $7 each, plus parking, plus whatever else and we have a final notice on the water bill? Yeah, I'm still living in the Twilight Zone where up is down and left is right.
That pretty much means I can't go to the fair even if I wanted to tomorrow. It sets a bad example if I complain about the water bill, and then I go off to the fair for the day with my friend. Hypocritical? Hell yes. Self defeating? Check.
As I was walking in the door today I was trying to think of that moment in my life where I zigged when I should have zagged. When did it all change to set me down this path? Here's where Christians get all tripped up, including me: pre-destination or free-will? I get a headache just musing about it, so I'll stop while I'm ahead.
My daughter asked me last night during a cooking show, Master Chef, if I would ever do that. We've had this discussion before and my answer is still yes. However, that's all hindsight. If I didn't have a bad back or bad shoulder, and was 20 years old again....sure, I'd love to be a chef.
I'd love to work for myself and do something passionate. Instead, here I sit...feeling trapped due to financial obligations not all of my doing (although I did play a part to be honest), more educated and knowledgeable than my direct superior...but hand-tied in not being able to make a decision with a wishy-washy committee always second guessing everything and are too afraid to commit one way or another. (nice run on sentence there)
Interuption.....My boss just sent me an email to invite me to a mandatory meeting this Friday (before his vacation) to discuss, again, ad-nasuem, what we just discussed the otehr day. It hasn't even been a week for crying out loud, and I've been covering other stuff since we are short handed. I HAVE NOTHING NEW TO SAY THAT I HAVEN'T JUST SAID A FEW DAYS AGO. God man...give it a rest.
I have to stop this entry right now before I blow up and go all Flight Attendant ala Steve Slater.
August 05, 2010
Thursday Check In
This morning has been my busiest morning in about two weeks. I like it like that. It's just busy enough to make the time go by without really thinking about it, but not so busy and stressful that I feel pressured, rushed, or prone to make mistakes in my work.
I just finished anothr boring sack lunch. Some left over potato salad (we have a ton of it left over from the previosu weekend) and a home made rast beef sandwich. I'm normally okay with sandwiches, but it just seemed to taste a bit old, plain, and unispiring today. The best part was the colby-jack cheese (which I alywas give a pinch, the size of nickle, to my dog...he loves it!). The bread was some psuedo halthy wheat-berry, multi-grain stuff, that just seemed off as well.
I've been taking more lunches to work lately, usually 3 times (sometimes even 4) a week to help save money. Sometimes I don't mind, but lately it's been a bit...um, melancholy to my taste buds? On the flip side, I'm also saving gas money as I'm not driving to a fast food joint, it's portion control, it's quiet, and I also get to read a book. I'm enjoying my novel by Garth Stein. Today, I read close to 50 pages, or just about 1/6th.
I've been thinking about the Amazon Kindle more and more lately. The price has come down quite a bit, but there's something about holding an actual book in my hands that just seems more comforting and real to me than some electronic tablet. That's wierd to me because I generally embrace technology and I like gadgets a lot. But that idea of spending between $139-189 for an 'electronic reading device' just seems a tad high.
As I write this, I have 4 hours left in my 'work' day. Then I have a 1/2 hour commute home. I'll probably being grilling pork chops again....which I do like, and some kind of rice dish. I'll walk my dog most likely, and settle into the rut that is watching TV until 10pm or so and go to bed. We'll also probably stay home again tomorrow night (Friday) as well. Maybe chat with the neighbors a bit, but overall, it'll be a low-key weekend (i.e. spend free) again.
I may take 1 day off next week. I just feel I need too. Maybe the wife and I will go to the county fair before it goes away again until next year. We've gone every year the last 3 years. I like walking around and looking at the art work and the animals and having myself some country food, but big city fairs don't seem to have to have the same flair or feeling as some 'real country fair' like you see in the movies. No, our fair is a city affair, with traffic jams, over-priced rides, and influence from the 'burbs.
Even if we don't go to the fair, I may take the day off anyway. It'll be nice just to sit at home, maybe work on a model, sit in the sun with a book and a fresh brewed glass of ice-tea, maybe do a small project or two at home I've been wanting to tackle for a while.
Heh...3 hours 50 minutes left.
I just finished anothr boring sack lunch. Some left over potato salad (we have a ton of it left over from the previosu weekend) and a home made rast beef sandwich. I'm normally okay with sandwiches, but it just seemed to taste a bit old, plain, and unispiring today. The best part was the colby-jack cheese (which I alywas give a pinch, the size of nickle, to my dog...he loves it!). The bread was some psuedo halthy wheat-berry, multi-grain stuff, that just seemed off as well.
I've been taking more lunches to work lately, usually 3 times (sometimes even 4) a week to help save money. Sometimes I don't mind, but lately it's been a bit...um, melancholy to my taste buds? On the flip side, I'm also saving gas money as I'm not driving to a fast food joint, it's portion control, it's quiet, and I also get to read a book. I'm enjoying my novel by Garth Stein. Today, I read close to 50 pages, or just about 1/6th.
I've been thinking about the Amazon Kindle more and more lately. The price has come down quite a bit, but there's something about holding an actual book in my hands that just seems more comforting and real to me than some electronic tablet. That's wierd to me because I generally embrace technology and I like gadgets a lot. But that idea of spending between $139-189 for an 'electronic reading device' just seems a tad high.
As I write this, I have 4 hours left in my 'work' day. Then I have a 1/2 hour commute home. I'll probably being grilling pork chops again....which I do like, and some kind of rice dish. I'll walk my dog most likely, and settle into the rut that is watching TV until 10pm or so and go to bed. We'll also probably stay home again tomorrow night (Friday) as well. Maybe chat with the neighbors a bit, but overall, it'll be a low-key weekend (i.e. spend free) again.
I may take 1 day off next week. I just feel I need too. Maybe the wife and I will go to the county fair before it goes away again until next year. We've gone every year the last 3 years. I like walking around and looking at the art work and the animals and having myself some country food, but big city fairs don't seem to have to have the same flair or feeling as some 'real country fair' like you see in the movies. No, our fair is a city affair, with traffic jams, over-priced rides, and influence from the 'burbs.
Even if we don't go to the fair, I may take the day off anyway. It'll be nice just to sit at home, maybe work on a model, sit in the sun with a book and a fresh brewed glass of ice-tea, maybe do a small project or two at home I've been wanting to tackle for a while.
Heh...3 hours 50 minutes left.
August 03, 2010
One foot in front of the other
It's a sunny Tuesday afternoon here and the day just got a bit slow. Overall, my work has been slow now for almost 2 weeks, and I'm doing the best to stretch my projects out as best I can to try and occupy my time.
For the most part I had a pretty decent weekend, that is until my step-daughter and wife got into it yet again for something stupid and trivial. I dislike when they get into arguments, because more times than not, it is generally over the most mundane of topics. In this case they got into an argument over the working of a service warranty of an Apple iTouch. An iTouch that neither of them own, bought, or broke, and for some reason they thought a party in front of 15 neighbors was the appropriate place to have this spirited discussion.
Talk about awkward. My neighbors looked at me, and I kinda just shrugged my shoulders. "What am I gonna do? If they want to make asses of themselves in public, let them." Yeah, I'm not getting involved in something so asinine and inject myself into this. Talk about wasted energy. I don't want to sound aloof and uncaring, but it was so ridiculous I didn't want to tocuh it with the proverbial 10 foot poll. No, I'm not letting this ruin my weekend. I'm trying to pick my battles wisely these day.
Friday night was very low key. I stayed home and watched a few movies. Heh...I've officially become my parents....who would have guessed I would stay home on a Friday night and feel content to watch TV and go to bed at an early hour?
Saturday I weet ahead and smoked a brisket for 6.5 hours and finished it off in the oven. It turned out great, or at least a few of my friends and neighbors thought so. The traditional bbq went off without a hitch, although the smoking itself was much more involved and tiring than I initially thought it woulld be. I wanted to go to the gym, but in the end I didn't.
Sunday was a day of sleeping in (a rarity for me), then some early morning cleaning, followed by working on one of my train models for a good portion of the day. It was fairly relaxing, for the most part, but in the back of my head I knew the floor could be cleaner, but I was too lazy to mop. Again, I wanted to go the the gym, but was just lazy.
My primary reason for me wanting to go to the gym is for health and to drop a few pounds. I'm supposed to be in a wedding in about 2.5 months from now and would really would like to drop between 10-15 lbs. I think I can do it if I 'man' up and stick to my guns. That being said, it's about self control, smaller portions, less carbs, and curbing my social drinking. Might not sound like much, but it's been 3 days since I had a drink. I know that sounds a little strange, but today I am craving a lo-ball tumbler of good whisky over rocks. I like to sip whisky on occassion, and the feeling is a bit stronger than usual today.
Also, I've been a bit sore lately....and not the type of sore from being active, but the sore or achey feelings of not being active. I need to get the old blood pumping, to stretch a bit, to take in some deep breaths, to sweat it out and feel the testosterone and endorphins pumping through my muscles. I love that tight, swollen feeling of hard at work muscles. I'm gonna try for sure to hit the gym both days this weekend.
Next week, I may try and take a day off of work and go to the fair. Not sure if I actually will or not, but I've taking off a day at work at least once the past 3 years to spend a day at the fair with some of my friends. I hate to break tradition, but this year I'm on the fence. To put it bluntly, I'd like to go, but if I don't make it this year...no big deal.
I started reading a new book: The Art of Racing in the Rain, a novel, by Garth Stein. Very touching. It's the world and family dynamics trying to be understood from the view point and narration of the family dog. (Please dear Lord, please I request that my own dog has a soul and I will be reunited with him someday in heaven. Is it weird to think/state that I love my dog that much?) Most of the time people can take a flying leap for all I care. No,..my dog is loyal and loving to the end...as God intended them to be. Thank you Jesus for my my little guy. I wish I could love people in the same capacity, but they just disapoint me in the end.
Thank goodness this summer has been a bit cooler. One of our fans broke in our house last week, and I haven't had the need to replace it yet. It hasn't been hot enough, which is nice, because that means a lower electric bill from not running the AC.
Tonight I'm gonna grill some pork chops and some vegetables. A somewhat healthy dinner and I'm looking forward to it, although I'm not looking forward to going to the store after work.
Finally, yesterday....I had a very troublesome moment in regards to death again. Mainly my own. I was coming back from lunch, and then a thought popped into my head: I hope heart-attacks aren't painful. Yeah, I becoming convinced that is how God is going to take me home. A heart-attack induced by stress. At times I think my heart valves are already damaged, although I've never spoken to a doctor or had a cardiogram done. I just know the human body under great stress, heartache, fatigue, etc. can do damage to the heart muscle. I think I've worried enough the last 15 years to last a lifetime by now, so I can't help but think that a coroner would say my heart gave out. I'm just saying....it wouldn't suprise me, but it is disconcerting to say the least.
For the most part I had a pretty decent weekend, that is until my step-daughter and wife got into it yet again for something stupid and trivial. I dislike when they get into arguments, because more times than not, it is generally over the most mundane of topics. In this case they got into an argument over the working of a service warranty of an Apple iTouch. An iTouch that neither of them own, bought, or broke, and for some reason they thought a party in front of 15 neighbors was the appropriate place to have this spirited discussion.
Talk about awkward. My neighbors looked at me, and I kinda just shrugged my shoulders. "What am I gonna do? If they want to make asses of themselves in public, let them." Yeah, I'm not getting involved in something so asinine and inject myself into this. Talk about wasted energy. I don't want to sound aloof and uncaring, but it was so ridiculous I didn't want to tocuh it with the proverbial 10 foot poll. No, I'm not letting this ruin my weekend. I'm trying to pick my battles wisely these day.
Friday night was very low key. I stayed home and watched a few movies. Heh...I've officially become my parents....who would have guessed I would stay home on a Friday night and feel content to watch TV and go to bed at an early hour?
Saturday I weet ahead and smoked a brisket for 6.5 hours and finished it off in the oven. It turned out great, or at least a few of my friends and neighbors thought so. The traditional bbq went off without a hitch, although the smoking itself was much more involved and tiring than I initially thought it woulld be. I wanted to go to the gym, but in the end I didn't.
Sunday was a day of sleeping in (a rarity for me), then some early morning cleaning, followed by working on one of my train models for a good portion of the day. It was fairly relaxing, for the most part, but in the back of my head I knew the floor could be cleaner, but I was too lazy to mop. Again, I wanted to go the the gym, but was just lazy.
My primary reason for me wanting to go to the gym is for health and to drop a few pounds. I'm supposed to be in a wedding in about 2.5 months from now and would really would like to drop between 10-15 lbs. I think I can do it if I 'man' up and stick to my guns. That being said, it's about self control, smaller portions, less carbs, and curbing my social drinking. Might not sound like much, but it's been 3 days since I had a drink. I know that sounds a little strange, but today I am craving a lo-ball tumbler of good whisky over rocks. I like to sip whisky on occassion, and the feeling is a bit stronger than usual today.
Also, I've been a bit sore lately....and not the type of sore from being active, but the sore or achey feelings of not being active. I need to get the old blood pumping, to stretch a bit, to take in some deep breaths, to sweat it out and feel the testosterone and endorphins pumping through my muscles. I love that tight, swollen feeling of hard at work muscles. I'm gonna try for sure to hit the gym both days this weekend.
Next week, I may try and take a day off of work and go to the fair. Not sure if I actually will or not, but I've taking off a day at work at least once the past 3 years to spend a day at the fair with some of my friends. I hate to break tradition, but this year I'm on the fence. To put it bluntly, I'd like to go, but if I don't make it this year...no big deal.
I started reading a new book: The Art of Racing in the Rain, a novel, by Garth Stein. Very touching. It's the world and family dynamics trying to be understood from the view point and narration of the family dog. (Please dear Lord, please I request that my own dog has a soul and I will be reunited with him someday in heaven. Is it weird to think/state that I love my dog that much?) Most of the time people can take a flying leap for all I care. No,..my dog is loyal and loving to the end...as God intended them to be. Thank you Jesus for my my little guy. I wish I could love people in the same capacity, but they just disapoint me in the end.
Thank goodness this summer has been a bit cooler. One of our fans broke in our house last week, and I haven't had the need to replace it yet. It hasn't been hot enough, which is nice, because that means a lower electric bill from not running the AC.
Tonight I'm gonna grill some pork chops and some vegetables. A somewhat healthy dinner and I'm looking forward to it, although I'm not looking forward to going to the store after work.
Finally, yesterday....I had a very troublesome moment in regards to death again. Mainly my own. I was coming back from lunch, and then a thought popped into my head: I hope heart-attacks aren't painful. Yeah, I becoming convinced that is how God is going to take me home. A heart-attack induced by stress. At times I think my heart valves are already damaged, although I've never spoken to a doctor or had a cardiogram done. I just know the human body under great stress, heartache, fatigue, etc. can do damage to the heart muscle. I think I've worried enough the last 15 years to last a lifetime by now, so I can't help but think that a coroner would say my heart gave out. I'm just saying....it wouldn't suprise me, but it is disconcerting to say the least.
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