I recently joined Facebook, a social networking site supposedly geared more to adults than MySpace is. I've seen MySpace before, and I don't particularly care for it. It's just a jumble of random color schemes, music blurbs, and juvenile teen-speak.
MySpace debuted prior to Facebook, and it became the mouthpiece for the whole 15-20 year old crowd, of course there are adults on there as well....and I would imagine many are on there posing as someone they are actually not. A very scary place in cyberspace with adult predators, damaged children, very little monitoring, etc. I actually detest it. I could go on and on about the negatives of MySpce, but that's not what this post is about.
Facebook is the more mature brother to MySpace....where more adults gravitate too, and the conversations and blurbs have a bit more substance without as much vulgarity.
However, I have mixed thoughts on Facebook as well. My wife is addicted to it.....dangerously so. Not that I worry about her 'cheating' on me, but she, like so many others begin to develop an unhealthy addiction to it that it begins to replace actual face-to-face conversations. Just like texting with cellphones....I don't get the point. If you're holding a phone in yoru hand, why not just call? Why would you use a phone to type a message and wait for a reply? Why not 'talk' to the person. I recently heard an interview with various therapists who also warn about teh dangers of this trend....more and more people are not actually talking to each other anymore. Conversations are being chipped down to basic words that fly back and forth in the ether and we as humans are losing are ability to look people in the eye...to read facial expressions, to share 'real' experiences and so on. Everything is becoming snippets, and things of course get lost in translation.
One of my best friends says the same thing. His wife, since introduced to Facebook, is on it all the time, which robs him and her of their relationship together. He hates these social sites and refuses to join.
For a long time I agreed with him, and felt the same way.
Until I looked over my wifes shoulder and discovered I could search for many a lost friend. Before I knew it, I had my own profile created and within minutes had found friends I hadn't seen in over 20-25 years. Elementary schools chums, high school buddies, ex-girlfriends, college fraternity brothers.
Today I have about 60 friends on my 'friends' list....and you know what? My wife isn't listed as one of them. I haven't asked her, and she hasn't asked me. In a way...it may not be a bad idea, but it does still strike me strange that we haven't asked each other to be on our respective social lists. Maybe we need to protect our privacy even in cyberspace. In all honesty, I'm kinda glad she doesn't 'check up' on me...I have had a few ex-girlfriends write me, and while they have been completly innocent, the potential of bringing up the past has been a concern of mine...something I tip-toe around quite a bit. As a matter of fact, this past weekend I had an ex-girlfriend write me which took me by surprise (I'm ashamed to say I forgot about her), and then added in a comment that in regards to my picture "You look great, but then again...you were always easy on the eyes." Of course it was a nice compliment and I'm flattered, but it's nothing I want to share or explain to my wife who this person is, was, or anything else for that matter. Sometimes it's good to have certain chapters in life to be closed....for good.
The one true blessing so far is a college roommate of mine who I haven't seen or spoke to since '93 contacted me. That's 15 years since we last spoke to each other, and I had the opportunity to share with him my testimony of re-discovering God and Christ a few years ago due to some comment I posted. We were able to speak on the phone yesterday for the first time in 15 years. We spoke for about 30 minutes....until he was cut short due to a family manner. We rehashed the past for a bit, and he paid me quite a few compliments as how he remembered me and how he thought I was the one guy 'who had it all together and make something of his life'.
Now that I am in the Lord, I don't have much to hide, and I told him about my issues the last few years.....the depression, the anxiety, the drugs, the emotions, the thoughts of death. He was both shocked and happy....happy that I am now a Christian, for he too became one a few years back as well. He told me about his lows and issues as well and how he came to know the Lord. A far cry since our college days living as modern day Romans.
We were able to share our testimonies with each other, and our frienship seemed like it was as alive today as it was all those years ago, but now we have something else in common....Christ as our savior...and I suppose I need to thank Facebook for bringing us back together.
January 26, 2009
January 13, 2009
Nothing new to report
Fortunately, I wasn't laid off last week, but that doesn't mean I'm in the clear. Our company did release some temporary workers, how many...I'm not sure...and it appears at least for the time being any additional layoffs may be on hold for at least a month, maybe two.
So I suppose I have some breathing room for the time being, and this little mini-scare I had last week had me once again cinching up the old financial belt. Money right now is going directly to debt and the neccessities, such as food and gas. Once again, I fear that any hopes of a real vacation may be dashed as I look around and see so many others right now facing economic hardships.
I'm not sure why, but I didn't go to church this past weekend. I got up early and intended to go, but once again like what happened a few weeks back, the closer it got time to leave....the more I just sat struggling within and making excuses to enjoy a cup of coffee and solitude.
I've been think of 'R' lately and haven't found the courage to call his ex-fiance up to see how she's doing. Maybe I'll call this weekend and make it a point to bring my dog over to play with her and R's dog as an excuse.
Getting back to the unemployment thing again....only now that that particular episode is over do I recognize the enemy was using my own insecurities and fears against me. I let the rumors rob me of piece of mind, and for those few days I made myself physically uncomfortable for nothing. I worried and panicked and stressed, for what? Too bad this is a life lesson I constantly fail at learning anything.
So I suppose I have some breathing room for the time being, and this little mini-scare I had last week had me once again cinching up the old financial belt. Money right now is going directly to debt and the neccessities, such as food and gas. Once again, I fear that any hopes of a real vacation may be dashed as I look around and see so many others right now facing economic hardships.
I'm not sure why, but I didn't go to church this past weekend. I got up early and intended to go, but once again like what happened a few weeks back, the closer it got time to leave....the more I just sat struggling within and making excuses to enjoy a cup of coffee and solitude.
I've been think of 'R' lately and haven't found the courage to call his ex-fiance up to see how she's doing. Maybe I'll call this weekend and make it a point to bring my dog over to play with her and R's dog as an excuse.
Getting back to the unemployment thing again....only now that that particular episode is over do I recognize the enemy was using my own insecurities and fears against me. I let the rumors rob me of piece of mind, and for those few days I made myself physically uncomfortable for nothing. I worried and panicked and stressed, for what? Too bad this is a life lesson I constantly fail at learning anything.
January 07, 2009
An uncertain tomorrow
It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep. (Psalm 127:2)
I guess I've been feeling petty vain the last few days then. I've been up both late and rising early, my stress feels tangible inside as the knots behind my sternum have been present the last few days.
Today is Wed., and there are very strong rumors that my company (that I've now been with for 1.5 years) is going to lay off people tomorrow. They have already done two smaller rounds prior to the holidays in which about 40 people (out of our 700 or so) were let go and I felt very bad for them. As someone who was laid off a few years back and struggled to find a new job that actually paid me some respect and granted me an 'okay' salary, it's not a situation I am too eager to repeat anytime soon.
The problem now is that a coworker planted a seed in my head the other day that was innocent in nature, but began to fester within my being into something that's been now robbing me of my sleep and focus. It got so bad at one point last night that I was seriously thinking of popping a Clonzapen or having a stiff drink. In the end I did neither. I was able to find an older resume of mine however and spent some time updating it in perhaps a knee-jerk reaction and posted it to Monster.com last night. I think I'll have to spend a little bit more time in tweaking it and re posting it so it looks a little better.
Anyway, the rumored day for the layoff is tomorrow, Thursday, and I wouldn't be lying if I wasn't scared. My wife and I are not in a financial place right now where losing my job is going to be easy by any means. As a matter of fact we curtailed our usual Christmas spending way back and even informed loved ones not to expect much from us this year. We haven't gone to many places as of late or done any fixups about the house. Yeah, it's been a bit tight this year.
I took the chance to speak with my current boss yesterday to 'feel out' the situation, and like the master poker player he says he's not, didn't reveal one iota of information. For every positive thing he may have alluded to, there was an equal not so positive thing to balance it. Needless to say, I didn't feel much better afterwards and perhaps a few more questions were raised inside my head about my future and my career than when I first walked in.
Tomorrow is payday, and it may or may not be my last check with the company, but I guess I'll know within the next 34 hours (from when I write this).
But what plagues me just as much of the uncertainty of my job is the uncertainty of my faith and trust in the Lord. Once again, I have allowed the enemy to steal any peace, joy, and calmness in my life and replaced it with stress, anxiety, frustration, etc. All this flies in direct opposition in which Christ asks us to trust in Him, to turn over all burdens to Him, to not worry about the future for He will provide and take care of all His children.
Thank you Lord for keeping your future promises to us despite my own inability to sometimes to accept them on faith alone. Your will be done, and if it is not good news for me tomorrow, please let me have learned from the previous time on how to handle things in my life.
I guess I've been feeling petty vain the last few days then. I've been up both late and rising early, my stress feels tangible inside as the knots behind my sternum have been present the last few days.
Today is Wed., and there are very strong rumors that my company (that I've now been with for 1.5 years) is going to lay off people tomorrow. They have already done two smaller rounds prior to the holidays in which about 40 people (out of our 700 or so) were let go and I felt very bad for them. As someone who was laid off a few years back and struggled to find a new job that actually paid me some respect and granted me an 'okay' salary, it's not a situation I am too eager to repeat anytime soon.
The problem now is that a coworker planted a seed in my head the other day that was innocent in nature, but began to fester within my being into something that's been now robbing me of my sleep and focus. It got so bad at one point last night that I was seriously thinking of popping a Clonzapen or having a stiff drink. In the end I did neither. I was able to find an older resume of mine however and spent some time updating it in perhaps a knee-jerk reaction and posted it to Monster.com last night. I think I'll have to spend a little bit more time in tweaking it and re posting it so it looks a little better.
Anyway, the rumored day for the layoff is tomorrow, Thursday, and I wouldn't be lying if I wasn't scared. My wife and I are not in a financial place right now where losing my job is going to be easy by any means. As a matter of fact we curtailed our usual Christmas spending way back and even informed loved ones not to expect much from us this year. We haven't gone to many places as of late or done any fixups about the house. Yeah, it's been a bit tight this year.
I took the chance to speak with my current boss yesterday to 'feel out' the situation, and like the master poker player he says he's not, didn't reveal one iota of information. For every positive thing he may have alluded to, there was an equal not so positive thing to balance it. Needless to say, I didn't feel much better afterwards and perhaps a few more questions were raised inside my head about my future and my career than when I first walked in.
Tomorrow is payday, and it may or may not be my last check with the company, but I guess I'll know within the next 34 hours (from when I write this).
But what plagues me just as much of the uncertainty of my job is the uncertainty of my faith and trust in the Lord. Once again, I have allowed the enemy to steal any peace, joy, and calmness in my life and replaced it with stress, anxiety, frustration, etc. All this flies in direct opposition in which Christ asks us to trust in Him, to turn over all burdens to Him, to not worry about the future for He will provide and take care of all His children.
Thank you Lord for keeping your future promises to us despite my own inability to sometimes to accept them on faith alone. Your will be done, and if it is not good news for me tomorrow, please let me have learned from the previous time on how to handle things in my life.
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