“He will wipe away every tear from our eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4)
Here's to hoping you enjoy your Christmas time togther with your family, and that 2008 may be a blessing.
I know I have learned a lot this past year. I have grown in His word, but still have such a long way to go. I look back and contemplate things that I thought were important to me, really aren't that big after all in the grand scheme of things. I strive to remember that when times are tough, and news is horrid, that I must continue to release control into His hands and place my faith in Him and not those in the world.
I look forward to the day that there will 'no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain.'
God Bless and hope to see you all back in 2008.
December 21, 2007
December 13, 2007
Humbled by Angel Boy Art
If anyone on occasion happens to watch ABC's 'Extreme Home Makeover', you will take note on various tragic stories affecting families, and sooner or later a particular episode (or two) will bring tears to your eyes.
Such was the case of the story of Louis Vitale Jr. of Vermont. When born, he was not expected to live due to a debilitating birth defect. Louis Jr. has since survived the first few critical days of life, and currently at age 2 now lives with his mother, father, and brother (who is 5).
Louis Jr. is considered a 'special needs' child and is fed through a stoma in his stomach, and needs help breathing from a stoma in his trachea. He is wheel chair bound and has limited mobility, slightly disfigured, and may never talk.
Within the first 2-3 minutes of the show, I and my wife were heartbroken. Here I sit in my home worrying about the day to day minutiae that may or may not come to pass, and here this little boy is born into a loving family who parents have the courage of reinforced steel, and he suffers daily.
As therapy, his parents started Angel Boy Art where special needs children like Louis Vitale Jr. can express themselves through art, because of all the other difficulties they suffer. It truly is an amazing story and I encourage you to visit their gallery here, and maybe pick up a print or learn more about Louis Jr., his family and the whole Angel Boy Art project.
However I couldn't help think back to the old non-beleiver argument of "If there is a God of love, why do innocents suffer?" I admit, I think of this as well. Everytime I turn on the news and I see a child or animal born into heinous circumstances and wonder to myself: "Why would God allow this?" These thoughts are then followed up my my own self-guilt and shame for complaining about things that compared to Louis Jr. are trivial. Then in my head I often make bold assumptions: "Well, this should be a one-way ticket to heaven if there ever was one", or "I hope Jesus takes care of them for all the crap they didn't ask for down here in this cesspool".
I have mixed emotions as well: anger, sadness, frustration, empathy, guilt, compassion and much more, but they are so jumbled up inside.
I watched this show for its 1 hour (minus commercials) and I was a wreck as a deplorable human being. And then I thought this poor boy is like this 24 hours a day, for over two years, and who knows how many more years to come?
Louis Vitale Sr., the father then put me in my place as only I hope I can achieve one day in my spiritual thinking: "I learn from my son everyday. There is a reason for this. The reason being that Louis Jr. is a teacher, and he teaches everyone who comes into contact with him on how to be a better person.".......
.......
Ug, like a hammer to the chest, I sit humbled though still confused and distraught why a God of Love allows for this to happen. Louis Jr., does indeed teach people every day. He teaches them compassion, like an animal, he teaches unconditional love despite his short comings and obstacles. Somewhere inside each of us, the Holy Spirit makes himself known as we despretely groan inside for the boys comfort and ease of pain. We thank God that we are healthy, and we want to pray for others sufferings and salvation. Perhaps Louis Jr., will inadvertantly bring some who are on the fence closer to God. Maybe he will remind us how feable we all are. I can go on and on here, but I think you get the gist. At least I think I got the gist, though I wonder if there are other ways God could go about it.
But then I think back to original sin. God did not want any of his children or creations to suffer, and someday, again, He will wipe away all tears and we will be filled with unyielding joyfulness. It was mans arrogance that brought us into our sinful nature, and despite all the evil and 'bad' things that happen, Christ gives us a choice. We have fallen, but He wants to help all of us back up...not to be our crutch in the world...but to look forward to the day when all this earthly pain and suffering is finally over. It is up to each and every one of us to make that decision within our own hearts.
Jesus, Thank You so much for Louis Jr....he reminded me once again that my stuff is of a selfish nature. Louis Jr. has brought me once again before you to pray for children everywhere, and those of my friends and family and non-believers. He reminds me of unconditional love, and how great parents and communities can indeed be when they look past the problems right in their face, and base everything they do on faith!
December 11, 2007
You can't please everybody.
The Bible tells us that this ignorance is "willful" (Psalm 10:4). It's not that a person can't find God, but that he won't. It has been rightly said that the "atheist" can't find God for the same reason a thief can't find a policeman. He knows that if he admits that there is a God, he is admitting that he is ultimately responsible to Him. (- Ray Comfort)
Some time back I posted on my blog here I came across a site in regards to famous people who claim to be atheists. As I suggested then, and I stand by that now, I feel somewhat saddened for them all and bummed to find out some of the people I looked up to in life are non-believers.
The best I can do for those that are still alive today is to pray for them, because I believe all things are possible in His time and His will. The softening of hearts can indeed happen, and there are plenty of examples in the bible in which stated atheists found God later in life.
As Ray Comfort points out, ignorance is "willful", though this may sound a bit harsh. I can tell atheists that I too have been known to struggle. My faith has been questionable at times, and even though I do believe today, I'd be lying if I said the thought never occurred to me: "If there is a God, then why did X happen to me, or to Y, or how could He allow this to take place?"
Hey, I wish I had the answers. Not only for atheists, but for me as well. It'd sure make my life a lot simpler, or I suppose all of our lives simpler if we never had a reason to question God's existance or sovereignty over us all.
I received some comments from a person lately in regards to that post that simply said: "U Suck." Well, on some days I surely do. There are days I am deplorable and wonder why Christ would die for me, let alone anyone else, and ask nothing in return other than my love, and sharing that love with others. There are days I look in the mirror and cannot even love myself, and I've shared my anger and bitterness in regards to people around me and how 'unfair' life is.
So someone telling me that "I suck" multiple times, because I am concerned with the salvation of some very talented and influential people, in the grand scheme of things, does little to me. Oh, yes, if you're reading this, you did indeed cause me some ire; I am writing about it now aren't I? However, in the end all that be all, believe me, you have to do a lot better in your argumentative skills other than "U suck" to even begin to shake me. You can't shake someone who has already been at their lowest, 'cause I've already been there and knows how miserable life can be without God. And I'm not saying my life today is a bed of roses...not by a long shot. I'm still a new person in Christ, and admittedly I am not mature enough to debate anyone for that matter. How arrogant would I be if I claimed I could?
The one thing that you did indeed accomplish, is that you know have me praying for you along with praying for myself. And while I may continue to suck for quite some time in your eyes for caring for others eternal peace, perhaps one day we will meet, God willing, in the afterlife and we can share a hug and look back at this on how we first met and you came to know the Lord. Perhaps you will make my own faith grow stronger as well.
Some time back I posted on my blog here I came across a site in regards to famous people who claim to be atheists. As I suggested then, and I stand by that now, I feel somewhat saddened for them all and bummed to find out some of the people I looked up to in life are non-believers.
The best I can do for those that are still alive today is to pray for them, because I believe all things are possible in His time and His will. The softening of hearts can indeed happen, and there are plenty of examples in the bible in which stated atheists found God later in life.
As Ray Comfort points out, ignorance is "willful", though this may sound a bit harsh. I can tell atheists that I too have been known to struggle. My faith has been questionable at times, and even though I do believe today, I'd be lying if I said the thought never occurred to me: "If there is a God, then why did X happen to me, or to Y, or how could He allow this to take place?"
Hey, I wish I had the answers. Not only for atheists, but for me as well. It'd sure make my life a lot simpler, or I suppose all of our lives simpler if we never had a reason to question God's existance or sovereignty over us all.
I received some comments from a person lately in regards to that post that simply said: "U Suck." Well, on some days I surely do. There are days I am deplorable and wonder why Christ would die for me, let alone anyone else, and ask nothing in return other than my love, and sharing that love with others. There are days I look in the mirror and cannot even love myself, and I've shared my anger and bitterness in regards to people around me and how 'unfair' life is.
So someone telling me that "I suck" multiple times, because I am concerned with the salvation of some very talented and influential people, in the grand scheme of things, does little to me. Oh, yes, if you're reading this, you did indeed cause me some ire; I am writing about it now aren't I? However, in the end all that be all, believe me, you have to do a lot better in your argumentative skills other than "U suck" to even begin to shake me. You can't shake someone who has already been at their lowest, 'cause I've already been there and knows how miserable life can be without God. And I'm not saying my life today is a bed of roses...not by a long shot. I'm still a new person in Christ, and admittedly I am not mature enough to debate anyone for that matter. How arrogant would I be if I claimed I could?
The one thing that you did indeed accomplish, is that you know have me praying for you along with praying for myself. And while I may continue to suck for quite some time in your eyes for caring for others eternal peace, perhaps one day we will meet, God willing, in the afterlife and we can share a hug and look back at this on how we first met and you came to know the Lord. Perhaps you will make my own faith grow stronger as well.
December 06, 2007
100th post - A long road to get here.
"But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee. Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the Lord hath wrought this?" (Job 12:7-9)
Didn't really dawn on me until a few posts ago that I was coming up my 100th post. And I can't say that I had given much thought on what I was going to say.
A lot has transpired in almost two years. I lost a loved one, I had a surgery, I lost my job, my marriage was rocky, I drank, I was under a lot of stress, I was diagnosed bi-polar and depressed and thus medicated for both, and my walk with the Lord was questionable at best.
There was a period of time I cried daily, if not hourly. I wanted to run away, to disappear into the night and start over elsewhere leaving everyone behind. I had thoughts of suicide, but alas to chicken to carry any of those thoughts out. I realized a lot of my pride got in my way of a number of things and in short I was not a happy person to be around. I didn't even want to be me.
I think of the young man, Robert Hawkins, who just yesterday took the life of 7 people at a mall in Nebraska, and then turned the gun on himself and ended his own existence bringing the count of to 8. I am saddened for him, and the victims, and the affected families as well. Strangely, I am not filled with anger towards his selfish and perhaps cowardly act, because, dare I say I too know the pain of depression and the feelings of hopelessness and emptiness.
And then there was God. Correction; then there IS God.
Oh, I always knew there was a God. That's never really been a doubt of my life that He exists, it just seemed like He wasn't existing in my life. I realize now that it was me who wasn't allowing Him in. My words and actions and the condition of my heart were blinded to Him.
I know I said this before, and some of you may think I am strange, but I believe in my own heart that God exposed His true love for me through my dog. When I sat broken and listless, when I thought my wife could have been more supportive and I was sick of everyone else's cliches, it was my dogs limitless devotion and love to me, his owner, that began to break down my walls.
It wouldn't be too much longer before I felt a calling to go back to church. To try and let go of my pride (easier said than done...even today) and learn to submit to His will and His control.
It was a long road, and I'll never say I am 100% cured now (maybe someday), for I occasionally have relapses when my emotions seem to get the better of me (usually when the enemy is there to try and knock me back on my ass), and sometimes they do.
The attacks are stronger sometimes than others, and I can't say that I don't feel doubt here and there about everything.
But having God back in my life has allowed me to turn the corner. Oh, it's an uphill battle, but today I am standing up taking it one step at a time, rather than sitting staring at an empty bottle or contempt for humanity.
I wonder about Robert Hawkins. Did he finally find peace that has plagued his mental state for however long? Could I have ever reached that level if pushed hard enough? Were the other victims saved and do they find themselves in heaven today, or did they reject Christ once given the chance before and decided that religion could come at a later time? I don't know and I don't think any of us ever will.
So today, I was taking a break outside and saw a feral cat. Not 'feral' in the sense it was foaming at the mouth and diseased, but a cat that lives in the field by my work, who probably dines on the occasional field mouse or bird. It was skinny and laying in the bushes, trying to keep warm, and it dawned on me that this is that cat's existence, day in and day out, until one day it is either hunted by a larger predator, gets hit by a car, or dies of natural causes.
And as I studied this cat, laying still and breathing steadily, I felt as if there was a certain 'peace' amongst the whole scene, as if the Holy Spirit was there showing me something. That 'something' was God's creation and that I could admire it, and the cat was okay with my presence there watching it. All other sounds and cares of mine momentarily disappeared, and it was just me and the cat, God's example to me that all things are taken care of, even me, if I allow Him to.
As I sat there longer, my thoughts drifted towards my dog, and all the trust and joy he gives me, and am I no different when Jesus looks at me? Am I to be calm, and peaceful, and give Christ the trust and joy that animals give me? I should, though I don't always remember to. Someday perhaps I will no longer need my medication...I can only hope and pray.
The animals taught me something today. Actually God taught me something today through the animals. There I was and still am humbled that I too am like a feral cat....living one day at a time, wanting to place my trust in God to take care of me, that He is in control and I am not. The peace that was shown to me today is something I really can't define, it goes beyond just a mere definition...it was a 'feeling', that one day I hope to experience in eternity.
Didn't really dawn on me until a few posts ago that I was coming up my 100th post. And I can't say that I had given much thought on what I was going to say.
A lot has transpired in almost two years. I lost a loved one, I had a surgery, I lost my job, my marriage was rocky, I drank, I was under a lot of stress, I was diagnosed bi-polar and depressed and thus medicated for both, and my walk with the Lord was questionable at best.
There was a period of time I cried daily, if not hourly. I wanted to run away, to disappear into the night and start over elsewhere leaving everyone behind. I had thoughts of suicide, but alas to chicken to carry any of those thoughts out. I realized a lot of my pride got in my way of a number of things and in short I was not a happy person to be around. I didn't even want to be me.
I think of the young man, Robert Hawkins, who just yesterday took the life of 7 people at a mall in Nebraska, and then turned the gun on himself and ended his own existence bringing the count of to 8. I am saddened for him, and the victims, and the affected families as well. Strangely, I am not filled with anger towards his selfish and perhaps cowardly act, because, dare I say I too know the pain of depression and the feelings of hopelessness and emptiness.
And then there was God. Correction; then there IS God.
Oh, I always knew there was a God. That's never really been a doubt of my life that He exists, it just seemed like He wasn't existing in my life. I realize now that it was me who wasn't allowing Him in. My words and actions and the condition of my heart were blinded to Him.
I know I said this before, and some of you may think I am strange, but I believe in my own heart that God exposed His true love for me through my dog. When I sat broken and listless, when I thought my wife could have been more supportive and I was sick of everyone else's cliches, it was my dogs limitless devotion and love to me, his owner, that began to break down my walls.
It wouldn't be too much longer before I felt a calling to go back to church. To try and let go of my pride (easier said than done...even today) and learn to submit to His will and His control.
It was a long road, and I'll never say I am 100% cured now (maybe someday), for I occasionally have relapses when my emotions seem to get the better of me (usually when the enemy is there to try and knock me back on my ass), and sometimes they do.
The attacks are stronger sometimes than others, and I can't say that I don't feel doubt here and there about everything.
But having God back in my life has allowed me to turn the corner. Oh, it's an uphill battle, but today I am standing up taking it one step at a time, rather than sitting staring at an empty bottle or contempt for humanity.
I wonder about Robert Hawkins. Did he finally find peace that has plagued his mental state for however long? Could I have ever reached that level if pushed hard enough? Were the other victims saved and do they find themselves in heaven today, or did they reject Christ once given the chance before and decided that religion could come at a later time? I don't know and I don't think any of us ever will.
So today, I was taking a break outside and saw a feral cat. Not 'feral' in the sense it was foaming at the mouth and diseased, but a cat that lives in the field by my work, who probably dines on the occasional field mouse or bird. It was skinny and laying in the bushes, trying to keep warm, and it dawned on me that this is that cat's existence, day in and day out, until one day it is either hunted by a larger predator, gets hit by a car, or dies of natural causes.
And as I studied this cat, laying still and breathing steadily, I felt as if there was a certain 'peace' amongst the whole scene, as if the Holy Spirit was there showing me something. That 'something' was God's creation and that I could admire it, and the cat was okay with my presence there watching it. All other sounds and cares of mine momentarily disappeared, and it was just me and the cat, God's example to me that all things are taken care of, even me, if I allow Him to.
As I sat there longer, my thoughts drifted towards my dog, and all the trust and joy he gives me, and am I no different when Jesus looks at me? Am I to be calm, and peaceful, and give Christ the trust and joy that animals give me? I should, though I don't always remember to. Someday perhaps I will no longer need my medication...I can only hope and pray.
The animals taught me something today. Actually God taught me something today through the animals. There I was and still am humbled that I too am like a feral cat....living one day at a time, wanting to place my trust in God to take care of me, that He is in control and I am not. The peace that was shown to me today is something I really can't define, it goes beyond just a mere definition...it was a 'feeling', that one day I hope to experience in eternity.
December 03, 2007
Turning to a brother for help
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." (Romans 8: 26 - 27)
I humbled over the weekend. Not by any particular act per-se, but by studying Romans, chapter 8. Actually chapters 6 - 8 really spoke to me and put some things in perspective. I just hope I can retain this knowledge and recall these words the next time I have ill thoughts in regards to the state of my relationship with people, but my more importantly my wife.
So my last post....I never finished. Not sure that I will now, since a week has passed. In summation, my wife hurt my feelings and because I internalize and have a hard time putting my thoughts and emotions in order, I broke down and wept. My wife saw my despair but fails to recognize my side, or what I consider the 'root' of our problem. I take it all upon myself, as usual, and forget to turn it over to Christ. And if I do turn it over to Christ, I am guilty of taking it back almost immediately thereafter.
The Enemy taunts me with my failures and strikes where he knows it hurts worse....my emotions where I always question not only the strength of my faith, but quick to recognize the faults of others. And when that happens, sin wells up in my heart. I think corrupt thoughts, self-doubt, anger, selfishly and I act out.....My eyes drift elsewhere seeking momentary happiness in carnal ways not pleasing to the Lord, or to my spirit in the long-run. The pain hurts so much at times, I look for a quick fix....in the world. My prayers turn to mush to the point where I don't know what to do anymore and want to give up.
I turned to a brother in the church and explained whats going on. We spoke for nearly 45 minutes. He understood. He even went as far as to say he and his own wife had been praying for me as they 'felt' something was amiss in my life.
The ability to vent and unload on someone who does not judge, but just listens was good for me. Just by speaking my thoughts, I was able to determine some actions that needed to be taken.
I decided to take my wife out on a long over-due date. It was nice. We had dinner and a movie. I prayed in my head numerous times, and with the thought of others praying for me as well, helped strengthen my own will within.
My wife and I have done 'okay' this week. We spent the day shopping together. Spent Friday night in and watched TV together. We walked the dog together. I was 'okay' with the fact she wanted to go and play cards with some girlfriends and so I was prepared she's be home late, and I was 'okay' with that too. She then took me to dinner on Sunday, and it was nice.
This morning I even had an intimate dream about her, something I hadn't had in ages.
I humbled over the weekend. Not by any particular act per-se, but by studying Romans, chapter 8. Actually chapters 6 - 8 really spoke to me and put some things in perspective. I just hope I can retain this knowledge and recall these words the next time I have ill thoughts in regards to the state of my relationship with people, but my more importantly my wife.
So my last post....I never finished. Not sure that I will now, since a week has passed. In summation, my wife hurt my feelings and because I internalize and have a hard time putting my thoughts and emotions in order, I broke down and wept. My wife saw my despair but fails to recognize my side, or what I consider the 'root' of our problem. I take it all upon myself, as usual, and forget to turn it over to Christ. And if I do turn it over to Christ, I am guilty of taking it back almost immediately thereafter.
The Enemy taunts me with my failures and strikes where he knows it hurts worse....my emotions where I always question not only the strength of my faith, but quick to recognize the faults of others. And when that happens, sin wells up in my heart. I think corrupt thoughts, self-doubt, anger, selfishly and I act out.....My eyes drift elsewhere seeking momentary happiness in carnal ways not pleasing to the Lord, or to my spirit in the long-run. The pain hurts so much at times, I look for a quick fix....in the world. My prayers turn to mush to the point where I don't know what to do anymore and want to give up.
I turned to a brother in the church and explained whats going on. We spoke for nearly 45 minutes. He understood. He even went as far as to say he and his own wife had been praying for me as they 'felt' something was amiss in my life.
The ability to vent and unload on someone who does not judge, but just listens was good for me. Just by speaking my thoughts, I was able to determine some actions that needed to be taken.
I decided to take my wife out on a long over-due date. It was nice. We had dinner and a movie. I prayed in my head numerous times, and with the thought of others praying for me as well, helped strengthen my own will within.
My wife and I have done 'okay' this week. We spent the day shopping together. Spent Friday night in and watched TV together. We walked the dog together. I was 'okay' with the fact she wanted to go and play cards with some girlfriends and so I was prepared she's be home late, and I was 'okay' with that too. She then took me to dinner on Sunday, and it was nice.
This morning I even had an intimate dream about her, something I hadn't had in ages.
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