No Title

I can't think of a relevant title for my thoughts today.  Is it about emotions?  Is it about love?  Anger? Confusion?  Frustration? My own pity party?  Something of all of the above?

Probably the later.

I'll shamefully admit I git sucked into watching ABC's 'The Bachelor' this season staring Sean...I'm not saying this because I'm a guy, but he rally seems like a genuine dude...who really cares about people and life.  He also comes across very articulate and smart, despite the sterotypical blonde and jock features.

I really like the guy and would consider him 'quality' friendship material if I ever met him.

But this post isn't about Sean.  I'm not even sure why I got interested in watching this.  Perhaps as some hidden level I am curious to see how 'love' works on a reality show that is part entertainment and how I would react and respond to it at my own level.

Do people really fall in love this quickly?  Is it the lights, the camera, the fantasy, the preconceptions?  I'm fascinated (God, only knows why) that not just one woman, but a handful of them all have claimed to be 'falling' for a man after these brief encounters with him in a make-believe world, and knowing that other women are vying for his attention at the same time.

Okay, so most of these woman range between the ages of 24 and 32, and I think only one claims to have been married briefly once before at the age of 17, but am I that jaded in my early 40's to be so dumbfounded my their televised devotions? 

The weird thing is, I am honestly saying to you that I'm emotional (to a certain extent) on some of the outcomes of the dates and rose ceremonies.  I 'feel' for some of these women, and wonder I haven't met anyone like this myself.  Do women really throw themselves at men, and have 'love' on their mind...claiming to be a supporter of both family and a husband and seemingly neglect all other thoughts?  Or is this just TV and creative editing?  Or is it their age and not having real world experience that an extra decade or two under their belts (like me) that can form a real foundation.

It not fair to my ex-wife, and probably not fair to me either, but as a viewer (and human) I can't help but compare snippets of my life to the ones playing out on my TV every week for 2 hours at a time.  I'm suckering myself into believing that 'I' actually have a connection with these lovelorn hopefulls, and when Sean dismisses one of them during the weekly rose ceremonies, I 'feel' bad for them.  I 'feel' to the extent that I could actually picture them as possibly my own future wife...living out the fantasy that I never recieved from my own marriage.

I look at these women on TV, hear their stories, see how they act, how they respond, their mannerisms, etc., and wonder why I didn't experience any of that.

But then I need to remind myself, I am about 10 years older.  That the tropical settings of romantic islands, or cabins with roaring fires amongst serene lakes and snow capped mountains, being jetted in private planes, having 1st class dinners, driving in limosines daily, wearing tuxedos and upscale dresses is not reality.  No I drive a 5 year old SUV, and sit in traffic an hour a day, and shop at the local grocery store in my gym clothes, and pick up after my dog, and pick up cigarette butts from my neighbors in my driveway.  I buy clothes from Kohl's, and clip coupons, and occasionally have TV dinners.  I don't have a six pack (never did), am battling grey hair, and wake up sore in my joints from a hard workout from the day before.

It's not real.  And when the cameras go away, what do these women turn into?  Where do they return?  Do they have the same mundane existance most of us do?  How do they react when the 'fairy tale' is over?  Will Sean and his fiance (presumably revealed on the last show) actually get married and live happily ever after?  Or will it end a few months later like 75% of all the contestants from the previous seasons?  If they do get married, will they get divorced like 50% of couples do these days?

More importantly, why am I allowing a show get to me as much as it has and force me to really examine myself day in and day out and my feelinsgs on love?