Verb
Admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
But often we use this word in regards to thinking about something else, like a moving speech, or our feeling of someones heroic acts or deeds. We've heard the song a gazillion times on the radio, movies, and our high school dances. We are taught in church to respect our parents and our elders, the military teaches us to respect our President and our commanders orders. We are taught in school to respect our flag. Some cultures teach people to repect their traditions passed down from generation to generation.
And in the heat of arguments we often accuse each other of not repecting our boundries, or what the other person says.
But the one thing we forget and often overlook, especially us co-dependants and those that have a history of depression is our own self-respect.
Yesterday it was pointed out to me by someone that somewhere along the line I lost my own self-repect. And when that happened, a domino effect happened and thus my spouse also lost repect for me.
Not because I was a bad person. Not because I occasionally swore, or wasn't smart enough, or didn't earn enough. It was because somewhere the ability for me to stand up for myself diminished, and over time, it just became easier and easier for me to capitulate to ridiculous demands or behaviors just to avoid fights. It became the path of least resistance. What could I do that would make this whole thing stop, as asinine as it was at the time? The answer was too bite my tongue, shut my mouth, and shut down.
When that became the norm, I lost any power I once had in my relationship. Not that power is and should be the priority. I'm not saying that. I just lost the will power to stand my ground and speak my mind and declare boundries and rules just to achieve some semblance (now a facade when I look back at it all) of sanity and tranquility and peace.
A friend of mine from college recently sat me down as well (not the same person above) as said to me: "Man, I used to really admire you in college. You got good grades, you got to party, you rose in the ranks of a fraternity, you dated good looking girls, etc. You had a presence, and whether you realized it or not, you had a certain charisma that people wanted to be your friend and hang out with you and you weren't a dick."
Uh...thanks?
No really, it actually is a compliment and was surprised to hear this from this individual as he was older than me and to think someone like that looked up to me is very flattering.
But then he continued....
"That was you. Back then. The guy I see and know today...he is still nice, still funny, still smart....but doesn't excude confidence anymore. You don't have that commanding charisma you had back then."
It was sobering to hear that.
I think about that conversation from time to time, and realized my friend was right. And I was reminded of that again yesterday. My wife was able to walk all over me for so long because I allowed it to happen. And when that happened, when I became a pushover, a doormat, a codependant, I lost my inner fire....maybe the very spark that my wife once found attractive. Once she realized I was a shell of my former self, she lost respect for me. And when that happened....well, it just can't survive as a deeper level.
The problem today is that I am realizing all this too late. The damage is done and cannot be repaired. I think that my wife got so used to me shrugging my shoulder and giving up, she was surprised...literally....when I FINALLY drew a line in the sand, and will not blink.
All I can do is slowly stoke my own inner-fire, and slowly build it up again to get ready for the next chapter in my life. To earn the repect of others in the future, I have to earn my own self-respect. And even though I am 5'10", I have to get that fire back that makes me stand 6'+ That means, I am going to have to say 'No' to people. Continue to reinforce boundries that are healthy. Walk away from those with bad behaviors, and surround myself with those people with good behaviors. But I also need to do this with humbleness and humility. You can be respected and stand tall without being a douche. Without having a pompous attitude or wayward ego.
Ephesians 4:2
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. (NLT)
Proverbs 25:9
He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. (NIV)
Matthew 23:12
For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (NIV)
Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (NIV)
Mark 10:45
For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many. (ESV)
Romans 12:3-6, NIV
"Humble Service in the Body of Christ"
"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us."
Psalms 149:4
For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation. (NIV)
1 Peter 5:6-11
6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power forever and ever. Amen.
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