9 Month, but....

...who's counting?

Apparently I am.

Perhaps that's why I awoke in a foul mood this morning.

Last night, I came home and filled my bath tub with hot water and Epsom salts and soaked for about 20 minutes before I stood and showered off.  I wanted to try and relax, but I gues I was thinking and concentrating so hard on wanting to relax, my mind really wouldn't let me.

I felt a little awkward sitting in the tub, replacing my aforementioned tumbler of whisky (I didn't have any) with a beer and tried to lean back and close my eyes.  How do women do it?  How do you relax?  I just couldn't seem to get comfortable...sliding about, never finding a 'correct' position.

The closest I came to ever feeling relaxed was a pipe-dream of me sitting poolside at a resort in the desert, cold drink in hand.  Sadly, it's windy, cold, gloomy and dark at 5:30 these days.  I can only see myself enjoying this day dream at teh bare minimum 3-4 months from now.  *sigh*

The only thing I can say is that if it wasn't for the fact I had to feed my dog, and then make a clumsy dinner for myself, my legs did feel slightly rejuvinated.  I'm not sure if it was the soaking in salts or all in my head, but my legs did feel better temporarily.  But then the phone rang numerous times.  My aunt called 3 times and I never answered...I spoke with her the day before and everything with her is some drawn out ordeal and I just didn't want to speak with anyone.  My mom called too.  I ignored her as well.

Do you know how hard it is to relax, especially when you plan on it, and then the phone won't stop ringing?  It's liek Murphy's Law or the universe in conspiring against any semblance of peace I desire.  My 'divorced' female friend also called me from outta state to let me know she was possibly moving into the area towards the end of January.  I have no idea what that means for 'us'...if there even is an 'us' anymore, and I listened to her woes about her ex wanting to keep the kids in his current state.  I guess time will tell, and I'll deal with that bridge if and when it actually comes to fruition.

So where was I?  Oh, so I awoke this morning at 5am and it dawned on me it was 9 months today my wife walked out.  Awesome.  Christmas is in 5 days and I have no spirit.  I don't even know how I can last the next two days at work....probably hour by painful hour.

I've also been off my pills for a few weeks now...and while some side effects have finally dissapeared (i.e. bloating), I can once again tell I am super moody.  My dad came over thsi morning at 7:30am, just before I left, to walk my dog...and he started asking me all these simplistic questions I know we have discussed numerous times before....and I'm trying to maintain both my composure and my patience.  He then began pointing out my windows need to be washed....Really?  You want me to wash them even though the forecast calls for rain and you don't live here?  Oh and thanks for pointing out I have a 'few' glasses out on my counter and not in the sink.

How do single mothers do it?  I mean I work all day, come home, walk my dog....then need to find time to cook dinner, clean up, vacuum, laundry, shower, feed the dog, get/open mail, shop, lack of sleep, etc....I am one person.  If I could have 8 days a week I'd take it, but you're going to come over and now nag and nit-pick at my day to day house chores.  Sure, let me pull another hour of tranquility I have set aside out of my arse and make sure my house is tidy for the one hour you are here to walk the dog.

Yeah...that too (above) is an over reaction.  I told you, I'm a little bitch today.