Today is....

.....my 9th Anniversary.

And I actually feel quite good, or at least indifferent, and I'm actually proud of myself.

I feared this day for many reasons over the past few months, especially when everything was turned on its head and upside down earlier this year.

Perhaps it the steady stream of medication I'm on, but I am not (at least up to this point of writing) feeling depressed, lonely, or sad.

Oh, that doesn't mean I don't recognize the significance of today and wish things were different, but I suppose in fact I am indeed a stronger person today.  Last year at this time we had gone to see her friend for a three day getaway, and while I enjoyed her friends, the food, the conversation....the more I think about it, it sure didn't feel like an Anniversary between husband and wife.  We were kind of in a tense spot last year, and spent a long time in the car, both of struggling at times to lighten the overall mood.  Not that it was horrible, it's just we were in a tough spot and secretly I wasn't really into it...and I don't think she was either.  We were going through the motions of an Anniversary.

Her habits were in full swing, and my frustration and anger was festering under the surface,and even though we were together, I recall feeling alone even though she thanked me for a nice weekend.

I did receive a text from her today this morning: "Have a good day at work and Happy Anniversary."

As I read it, the first thought that came to my mind was "Oh, now you remember."

I purposely didn't respond at first.  I didn't know what to say.  My gut instinct was to ignore it, but if I did, I know I'm just setting myself up for getting additional texts throughout the day accusing me of being cold, ignoring, or worse.

"Thank you, and have a nice day as well." is all I could muster.  Then I made myself breakfast, a cup of coffee, took my meds and went to work.

I'm okay today.