Et tu Brute?

Wow.

Just wow.

I haven't written in a few days now, because I have been speechless and trying to process the call I received on Sunday from my Mother In Law.

Oh how the winds and the tides change so unexpectedly and violently. 

If you'll recall I received a bizarre text message from my BIL just over a week ago, and after playing his stupid texting games, we spoke on Saturday and it was such a bizarre conversation. 

Well, my MIL just topped that and reduced me to tears on Sunday afternoon.  I had such a hard time after our conversation, I had to take some anxiety medication just to calm down and relax that softball size tightening in my chest just behind my sternum.

My MIL and I have had nothing but decent conversations in the pats.  Truth is, I love her and my FIL deeply and couldn't ask for better inlaws for the most part.  They are loving people with good souls, and I miss them terribly through all this, and one of my biggest fears was to lose them as family.

Perhaps they will be the ones to sever ties with me afterall and make this fear a reality.

You see, I am moving forward with my divorce.  After attending 4 seperate counseling session with my wife starting about 7 or 8 weeks ago, I finally told her I can't do it anymore....that is the counseling.  Nothing new was happening and all I heard, as usual, was how everything is everyone elses fault and barely taking any responsibility for her own actions.  I have heard how horrible my mom is, how my past affected her.  How her parents did this and did that.  How her daughter did this and did that. Etc.  Still denying she's an alcoholic (she has cut way back, but has not stopped drinking BTW).  She told me how she was taking care of her bills now (the letters in the mailbox and continued calls from collections agencies would suggest otherwise).

She said she wanted to start over.  She still loves me.  Leave the past in the past.

And yet she keeps bringing up the past, so my response is also to bring up the past.  She wants to pretend the last few years didn't happen.  Why?  Because she knows she messed up?  Because her unemployment benefits have run out?  Because she has wiped out her savings and is still in debt?  No her bad decisions are hers and hers alone...not for me to take care of and clean up like I did so many times in the past.  Let her parents clean it up for a while.  Let them deal with her lack of a job, creditor phone calls, creditor mail, etc.

Anyway, I'm getting off track (can we say "tangent"?).

Okay, so I get a call Sunday afternoon from my MIL.  She asks me just to listen, not to speak, as she has written things out on a piece of paper she wanted to say (Oh great...why do I think this is gonna go bad?).

I stay quiet and let her speak:

• She is dissapointed in me on how I handled the call with my brother in law and how I 'refused' to speak with him.  She thought I was better than that since in the past they were there for me when I needed someone to talk to.
• She says I am not the "Christian man" she thought I was for I will not "forgive" her daughter and give her a chance after she completed her "life coaching" therapy 7 weeks ago.  God will judge me.
• She is further dissapointed that I quit going to counseling with my wife and shows that I am not "trying".
• She doesn't understand why my mother will not accept my wife's phone call to apologize. (Liek I have any control over that).
• She doesn't undertand and is disapointed that I keep bringing up the past and can't move forward.

Wow.  Just wow.

I'm just giving you the highlights here.  I listened to what was a good ole character bashing fro a good 10 minutes, followed by the humorous "But I'm not judging you."

Oxymornic statement of the year.

When it was my turn to respond, I said the following:

• If you figure out what my BIL has to say to me, then by all means share it with me.  I gave him multiple chances to tell me what he 'specifically' wanted to say, but instead I was told I was hiding behind words, playing a chess game, didn't trust him, and inferred I wasn't a real man.  So yes, at that point I told him I would not meet him.  I still have no idea what happened, and I'm not going to feel bad if my BIL can't spit it out.
• Your daughter has never shown my mother respect.  Your daughter cursed my mother out and hung up on her.  My mother has only ever been nice to your daughter and grand-daughter and your daughter has been cold towards her for years.  Please tell me what my mom has done?  And please tell me why this is my issue.  That is between your daughter and my mom.  If my mom doesn't want to talk to her, then she's not ready to.  I have no control over that.
• Yes, I do bring up the past...as does your daughter EVERY SINGLE TIME.  You and your husband, my parents, my BIL/SIL are not there so you do not know what is being said.  Next time I will bring a tape recorder and we'll see who talks about the past more.  I stopped going to counseling because I was tired of hearing how everything is once again everyone elses problem and she barely acknowledges her own responsibility in any of these things.
• The biggest thing for me was the "not a Christain man" comment.  Seeing that my wife doesn't own a bible, and hasn't gone to church with me in years, how dare you question my principles.  I never claimed to be a saint, never claimed to be perfect.  In fact, when I stumble and fall I man up, come to you and apologize.  Your daughter doesn't even know the word 'sorry'.    And your right, God...the person I am responsible to will indeed judge me...he will judge us all...and look into our hearts and He will know the pain and the heartache I've been through...not you, not your daughter, not my parents, not my BIL/SIL.  Sounds like you are in fact judging me.

I was so hurt that when we finally got off the phone, I just sat down on the couch and cried for 30 minutes straight.  How can my MIL have pulled a 180 like this?  How is my 'faith' now in question and I am not a forgiving person?  It was crushing to me....and still is.  She ended our call by saying she will pray for me, and her daughter, and our marriage and hope we can figure a way through this.

Yeah, because now it'll never be awkward at any possible future family gatherings hearing what I just heard.  Just breaks my heart and then some.