The last 60 hours feels like I've been standing in the midst of a whirlwind in which I neglected to take a look at the weather report prior.
Friday night (21st) my BIL, who has not contacted me in anyway shape or form since late February decided to send me a text message shortly after 7pm saying he wishes to talk to me. Strange. He only sees me at family functions, and otherwise he normally doesn't reach out to me. Years ago he asked me once to go camping with him and I declined for whatever reason and since then he really has not offered to do anything with me since. I have asked him to a few various things over the years, and other than a Father's Day we hosted at my house, he's declined everytime. Despite that, I thought we had a decent relationship. He seems like a good man, a good husband, and a caring father. I would say he really does have a head on his shoulders, and I've never had anything bad to say about him.
During the events that took place back in February, he was a strong advocate for me and was fair, and very matter-of-factly. I may not have agreed with everything he ever said, and sometimes thought he took a route of 'superiority' sometimes in his speaking, but he's a lawyer himself and I admired (past tense) the way he could get to the heart of things.
My internal yellow flag went up on Friday when I got his text. I replied back "Sure, may I inquire as to why...please?" After a few more minutes he responded that, again, he'd like to speak with me. Okay....I got that...that was said in the opening text. "Can you be more specific?" I replied? I even called him on his cell phone since he apparently just texted me from it but 30 seconds ago. He did not answer. I got his voice mail.....(Oh great...he won't pick up the phone even though he is clearly texting me from it).
My message was that I was headed to church this evening, but I had a few minutes "now" to spare so let's talk. Of course his text reply came later while I was in church and simply stated "I'd rather do this in person and not on the phone or text." **Take note - Any "normal" person would begin to feel something is "up" at this point. And for someone who doesn't want to text, I'd like to point out he started this odd conversation with a text. His text (unedited):
I am not screwing around here. I want to talk to you about you and _____. Either lets do this or tell me no.
I did not reply, because I am now puzzled about the tone behind "I am not screwing around here." Um, I didn't say you were screwing around, I just want to know what 'specifically' about my wife and I you wish to talk about. Why is this so hard to answer? My spider-sense is now pinging hard and I CHOSE not to reply lest I get sucked into something late on a Friday night. Of course my mind is now turning 100 MPH and I barely slept at all that night. Saturday is gonna suck, this I know.
Saturday I went to the gym, and while I was at the gym....guess what....I get another text from my BIL asking where and when I want to meet. WTF? What is this with all the texting and no phone calls. No, at this point we are going to have a phone conversation...no more texting from me. We're adults for crying out loud, (although some would argue I may not be at times).
As I got home and am standing in my garage I attempt to call him one more time. This time he picks up.
Me: Hey, how's it going? How are you?
BIL: Fine. And you?
Me: Well, to be honest I'm a bit tired. I didn't sleep much last night.
BIL: Why is that?
Me: Well, your texts caught me off guard. You haven't spoken to me in 6 months. You have never called to see how I'm doing, how I've been, how I'm coping...nothing. Then I get a random text from you at 7pm last night stating you want to talk to me but won't tell me why or what about. Forgive me if that seems out of place to me and raises a flag in my head.
BIL: That wasn't my intention, and I'm sorry you didn't sleep, but that's you over analyzing things.
Me: Perhaps. But it just seems odd.
BIL: Do you not trust me?
Me: I did not say that. Trust never entered my mind. Why would I not trust you?
BIL: You say a flag went up in your head.
Me: Er, yes.
BIL: So what is it then?
Me: What do you mean?
BIL: Why don't you trust me?
Me: I didn't say that. I never used the word 'trust' and...(::BIL interupts me::)
BIL: Whoa, whoa, hoa. Just stop.
Me: What?
BIL: You're hiding behind words.
Me: ????? (:: awkward silence as I try and process what he just said::)
BIL: I am not trying to dress you down or tear into you.
Me: Er....Uh...I didn't say you were nor was I thinking that.
BIL: This isn't a chess game. I'm not trying to get one step ahead of you.
Me: (::more awkward silence::??????::) With all due respect you lost me. What are you talking about? What does chess or games have to do with anything right now? Nothing resembling a game left my mouth.
BIL: I want to talk to you in person, if you can't do that, just let me know.
Me: Seriously, I'm lost. I'm not sure what you want to accomplish.
BIL: I don't want to do 'this' over the phone. (**note: DO WHAT????) Real men meet in person.
That one caught me like a deer in headlights. So you are now inferring I am not a REAL man, because I'm dubious on this whole vague conversation to begin with and I'm now skeptical to meet with you.
Me: Okay. In that case, thanks but I think I'll pass.
BIL: Okay...Just remember....You CHOSE to not have this conversation.
Did my brother-in-law just threaten me over...well...who knows what?
Me: Er...okay. Goodbye. (::I hung up::)
I must have stood in my garage for a good ten minutes scratching my head on what the hell just happened. I just participated in a conversation that I feel I was actually not a participant in. WTF was that all about? Seriously? I'm not a 'real man'? I'm playing 'chess'? I'm hiding behind words and have a lack of 'trust'.
Um....let's remember...YOU TEXTED ME FIRST. YOU NEVER SAID WHAT YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT. And don't say about me and my wife...No duh, that was inferred in the very begining. What could you possibly have to say in person that you can't say over the phone. Why do I feel I just got dragged down to Jr. High school by my 47yo BIL?
Needless to say, this whole conversation, or lack thereof....is not sitting well with me because I don't know what the HELL IT WAS ABOUT. But I guesss my BIL now thinks I'm a schmuck, and as others predicted would happen, my estranged wifes family seems to now be turning on me, and I was just minding my own business on a Friday night.
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