She's out

It's a tacky title, I know.

I just can't think of what else to call it right now.

My wife just called my cell phone.

I did not pick up.

I let it go to voice mail.

I just listened to it.  She informed me that she has completed her 'process' and she is now out.  She said she misses me...and that she loves me.

I honestly don't know how I feel right now.  I'm kinda numb, various emotions swirling about.

The first question that comes to my mind is: I thought it was 10 days?  Today is day 8.  The last I spoke with her when she let me know she was leaving for it, she said she's call me on Sunday.  That's two days from now.  It's only 3pm and she has her cell phone back.  I imagine her mother (my MIL) went to pick her up.  WIll she make the long drive back today, or will they wait until tomorrow?

For sure I must go to the gym tonight.  I must exercise and exhaust myself so that I cannot think and pray that slumber takes me quickly this evening.

I'm still going to the campfire tomorrow, whether she calls again or not.  Whether she comes back tomorrow or not.

I'm sitting here....stealing long moments of looking out the window....taking deep breaths.....trying to clear my mind and day dream.  My eyes lose focus as they stare out into nothing, only to come back to reality inorder to type another sentence.

tick....tock...tick....tock

"Now what?" enters my mind.  We will have to talk eventually, but do I want to listen?  I cannot allow myself to fall back into old habits.  I cannot and will not be a doormat again.  My parents won't go for it.  Most of my friends won't either.  And lets not forget all those that wrote me off thinking it was my fault that she left.  I don't need those people in my life anymore, nor do I want them to be.

Is this why God has allowed the other women to disapear before anything even started?

I recall an earlier post, not too long ago, in which I named all the things I DO NOT miss.  In that regard, it's been nice. 

Thre's a reason there is a cliche that says "lepoards don't change their spots".  Is 8 days enough for a person to be broken, and realize that they caused damage?  Is it enough to recognize that they have their own faults?  To want to change?  To make a decision to turn their life around?

I just don't know.