Uptight

My Uticaria is almost gone.  Just a few small welts left on the back of my neck that are putting off some heat, but slept pretty well last night.

Work is still slow, been here almost two hours this morning and it has afforded me the dreaded luxury of getting as much of my legal documents together this morning (making last minute copies of stuff, highlighting things, signing on the 'X', blah...blah...blah).  I know this will not be an easy process for my wife, unless her mom helps her do it, because as organized and as anal as I can be, collecting all this papers and putting them in some sort of order that makes sense still feels very chaotic.  And I also have the luxury of all these items coming to my house, a photocopier, scanner, and an analytical mind.  My wife will have to fill in the blanks where she can, and have to do a lot of leg work to catch up to what I have already done.

So I will turn this pile of papers in at 11:15am, and wash my hands of everything for at least a month.  My attorney will be on vacation the second 1/2 of July, and I came to an agreement with my wife that I would hold back until August (I'm basically getting a reprieve for a month over any undue and outrageous attorny fees).

This whole thing makes me feel uptight though.  I've been slightly anxious all morning.  It doesn't help that my mom must have called me a half a dozen times yesterday for no real reason.  All trival stuff that could wait for any normal person, but she tends to get fixated when she beleives she needs an answer.  If you don't pick up the phone when she calls, she will continue to call every 15 minutes until you do, with increasingly longer messages.  It can be insane at times, but I don't feel the need to talk everytime she wants to.

My plans for the 4th are still up in the air.  I got invited to 4 different gigs....but none of them are all that appealing to me.  I have no real desire to travel anywhere, spend money, get stuck in traffic, explain things to people.....Speaking of which, one of the neighbors ran into me last night and of course the first thing out of her mouth was asking me what's up with my marriage.  Ugh...I was polite at first, and answered her question as vaguley as I could...HINTING very heavily that I didn't want to talk about it.  But she didn't get the hint.  By the 4th time she was 'prying' and starting to put words in my mouth for me, I was starting to get irritated and finally said "Sorry, I just can't talk about this anymore, nor do I want to." and cut her off.  I hate doing that to people, but she just wasn't getting it.

I also think I feel a bit anxious because I have a few friends who haven't returned my calls in the last two days.  Not sure if that is my co-dependence sneaking out or not, but I can't stand when someone says they are going to call you, and then don't, and then don't return any text messages for two days on end.  I'm sure I'll get contacted eventually, but the attitude will be like "no big deal" to them.  Well, good for them, but I don't like it myself.  I like to treat people as I would like to be treated...and I often show people my courtesy when it comes to following through on communication.

I think tonight after work will be the gym, followed by chilling at home solo tomorrow.

UPDATE: Oh how the hours can change things.

I dropped off my sizeable packet to the lawyers today, although he wasn't in the office.  Just went over a few quick notes with the office manager, asked for my packet to be worked on, otherwise thinsg will be put on hold until August.

When I returned to work I noted that I received an email from a 'Christian' friend of mind which was both cryptic and vague.  In about two sentences that didn't explain much of anything, my friend has decided to sever their relationship with me based on this line: "I don't think we share the same values.  Take care."  I don't even know what my friend is referring to, and of course although it's only been about 4 hours, I haev received no repsonse to my inquiry as to why or what happened?  Did I say or do something recently in my frustrations?  Did I project something?  We had spoken by phone just this past Sunday and all seemed okay.  Our conversation was 20 minutes long and I thought we hung up on a good note.  Apparently I may have reacted or didn't react, said something, alluded to something else that may have been offensive, but for the life of me I can't think what.  Needless to say the message was troubling and is very disheartening to me.  Not sure why, but it made me cry a bit and has me once again pondering how co-dependant I really am.

And finally, my wife called me an hour ago.  It appears my step-daughter just got a car today... a used Toyota Camary.  She also informed me that she will be coming to the street tomorrow and wanted to see me.  Why is it my 'so called neighbors' can't give me a heads up?  Apparently a few of them knew this and didn't want to tell me.  Anyway, she wants to see MY dog and wants to hang out with the neighbors tomorrow and hopes I can come out and be socialable as well.  Well, I am not going to run and hide from my own street anymore, but I will be avoiding certain neighbors, and I will be leaving my street later in the afternoon to get out of there.

I want to avoid any drama, any ill words I may say or be said against me, don't want to deal with the looks or conversations from nosey neighbors, or give my wife any fodder for her to use against me at some future date.  Meaning, I cannot have a drink in front of anyone tomorrow.

Dangit, this day just turned upside down.