Strange weather

Well we had a freakish weather front move in out of nowhere last night.  I don't recall any of the weathermen predicting we were gonna rain, but with the heat we've been experiencing the last few days, it got cloudy yesterday afternoon, and started to rain after 5pm.

With temperatures hovering around the low 90's, mixed with sudden rain, you can imagine how humid it was...something my area is not known for.  I almost turned on the AC just to combat that sticky feeling, but didn't have to after all.

Made myself a dinner of gnocchi and marinara sauce, got a new steam mop and mopped my kitchen and bathroom, and me and the pup watched TV.

My uticaria was about 95% gone, but that heat and humidity brought a little  of it back last night, so one Prednisone later and I awoke looking and feeling all clear.  Should not have to take anymore hopefully after today. 

Finishing off my 20mg of Citropram, and will bump up to 40mg here in the next day or two and see how that goes.

So far it's quiet at work.  Not sure why, but the phone has barely rang and it seems like many of our employees are out.  Did I miss a memo?

Tonight will be Celebrate (kinda bummed that the mega-church still has not answered my email from a few days ago).  Not sure if that means they are super busy and swamped, or just don't pay attention to their email.  Anyway, if the weather keeps up, I'll be home again tonight eating leftover meatloaf I made earlier in the week and watch Netflix (probably Mad Men).

Tomorrow I am supposed to go with my friend to a Cajun restaurant for dinner about an hour away.  I'm pretty excited about that, so I'm not bummed I'm staying in tonight.  And Sunday another college friend invited me out to his house about 1hr 15min away...but it may be HOT.  He wants me to meet his family, and I'm looking forward to it, but it's supposed to be in the upper 90's at his house with humidity and asked me to take my dog as well.  That one is up in the air right now.  At least gas prices are coming down a bit.  Filled up at $3.49 a gallon this morning, so the only cost of going out to my buddies house is gas...he's gonna feed me BBQ, so I'm chill.

My daughter let me know yesterday that her mother (aka my wife) made the drive up to her treatment center yesterday and her first day I believe is today.  Friday the 13th...hope that doesn't mean anything. LOL...of course it doesn't...I don't believe in that stuff anyway.  She supposedly comes back on the 22nd and said she would call me that evening, or possibly the next day.

From the bottom of my heart, I really do hope that it does her some good.  While it may not be for alcohol, maybe she will discover some painful truths about herself and her behaviors that will help teach her about future decisions and directions in her life.  Her last text to me was yesterday saying she was leaving to go and that she loved me.

That is the first time she said 'love' in I don't know how long.  Seriously, I can't remember.  But as I had dinner with my mom and her friend the other night, it was once again brought to my attention how many years my wife has always put herself first, fun first, marriage and me a distant second.  This treatment is for her personal demons, not to solve her financial problems, spiritual matters, alcohol, and other things.  I can forgive in time, but I can't forget. 

I assume that she may want to try to work things me...not right away...we're not talking next week when she gets back, but I have a feeling she'll want to see if we can repair things.  I'm just not sure I want to anymore.  Yes, I'm jaded, but I am very skeptical about long lasting changes and behaviors.  There has been so much damage to me, my family, the way certain people act towards me, etc....I just don't really want to try.  At least not now.  No one can say I didn't try 100x before it all came to a head.

I have to remind myself I am working on being in a better place, especially mentally, given my track record for depression and anxiety.  I don't ever want to be put through this ever again.  I don't even want to set myself up for the 'possibility' of getting hurt again.

Yeah, it suck being solo.  These last 4 months have been extremely lonely, but I'd rather be lonely that to walk back through my door on eggshells like I did in the past.  I'd rather be alone than to wonder if my wife was smashed and wondering if and when she may be coming home.  I may miss her, or the person she 'used' to be, but I DO NOT MISS THE STUPID TRIVIAL ARGUMENTS OVER NOTHING.