It's Thursday here at work, and it is incredibly slow.....and warm. Should hit about 90 degrees today. I went to my car at lunch, and took a brief cat nap while listening to another audio book, and now I'm watching the minutes click by for what seems to be hours.
I'd rather be home today. Doing what? Anything but being here. Going to the gym, walking mydog, watching a movie...anything. I really almost played hooky today. Actually yesterday, I had full intent of calling in today and staying home, but once I got up I decided to come in afterall. Not sure why...guilt I think.
The good news is that after 11 days, my uticaria finally cleared up by late Monday evening. So I've more or less been medication free the last 40 hours and I'm starting to feel like myself again.
I'm making a pork tenderloin with carrots, onions, potatoes and garlic in a crockpot for dinner tonight. I got up at 5:30am with my dog and started prepping my dinner. I invited my best friend over tonight and he agreed, so we'll have dinner at 6:30. I think I may go to Trader Joes after work and get us both a really nice craft beer.
I also splurged and treated myself to a new Google Nexus 7 tablet. Got it yesterday and spent the evening last night configuring it, but didn't really have a chance to play with it yet. Looking forward to reading some books, watching some Netflix, and studying the constelations in my backyard with it. Also installed the bible on it. It's pretty awesome. It was $199 and I saved up quite a while to buy one for myself.
I sometimes wonder about my wife's treatment this week. She is just past 1/2 way through it by now. I wonder if she is able to identify or has come to terms with herself with how much pain she has caused me and so many others. I wonder if she's crying at all? Even 1/10th the tears I have shed the last 4 months? I hope that doesn't make me a bad person in hoping that she is crying. It's weird. One minute I "kinda" care, the next...not so much. Is this what healing feels like? Did I finally turn a corner in my own head? If so, I can't tell you when or where it happened. I just became aware of it the last few days or so...I haven't really missed her. Oh, I miss the company of another person...I miss the idea of being married....of being in love....and I look forward to the day when it happens again.....but just not with her. I'm actually now dreading her call next week when she tells me she's back and wants to see if we can go to therapy together. Right now...I have no interest in it.
Like I said....I don't miss the arguing, the laziness, the smoking, the drinking, the attitude, the under the breath comments, the cold shoulder. No....I don't miss it at all.
My inlaws and SIL/BIL have been very quiet this past week. Not a peep from them. Still talk with my step-daugther. She seems strong. We don't talk about her mother though. Everything but it seems like.
I did meet someone last week. Not even sure if I should mention it here, but I guess I just did. She's 39, divorced and has an 11 year old son who lives nearby. We haven't gone out yet. Not even sure if it is appropriate, although we are supposed to meet up for lunch in public...driving ourselves seperately. Maybe I'm trying to justify it in my head....two 'new friends' meeting for lunch. That's all. I'm wrestling with it big time. First time in over ten years I don't know how to act around the opposite sex. I haven't told any of my friends....or my parents....yet. Is 4 months too soon?
Probably....but I'm so bored at home, especially on the weekends, and I'm so sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself or at the very least pretending that I have control over my thoughts. And most of my neighbors are tyring my nerves anyway...I need to get away from them as well. Who knows....we may have lunch and either one of us will realize something not right and it won't work. Heh...I'm probably thinking way too much about it right now.
Saturday evening, I have a bonfire to attend. I'm looking forward to that at least. A few hours eating hamburgers and smores and telling stories and jokes around a campfire. That's my big plans for Saturday.
3.5 hours left before I go home.
Rinse and repeat.
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