Saddened by the right decision.

I wish this entry was more upbeat.  It isn't lost on me that the last few days I've sounded more like a whiny 5 year old in some of my long winded rants, and yesterday I even had a thought in the afternoon that I would try and concentrate on more positive aspects of my life, and not always be so dour.

That changed this morning after a series of text events from my wife that has left one of her best friends shattered.

I went to bed early last night, well early for me...9:45pm.  I didn't even hear the text messages coming into my phone after 10pm, but I awoke to 4 messages waiting for me from one of my wife's best friends.  The texts went on to say that my wife unleashed her fury on her friend in a not-so-nice email last night, only after her friend tried to wish her a Happy Birthday the day before and never received a response.

After being concerned that she hadn't heard from my wife in 24 hours, she was shocked to find a scathing letter directed to her the following evening accusing her 'former' friend of not only wanting me, but also causing me to file for divorce.

*Sigh*

My wife is mentally ill, and not in the same way when I was suffering from depression. No, my wife is conjuring up an alternate reality for herself where events are fictionalized and desperate to share either these fantasies to whomever will listen, or lash out at those remaining close to her.

This friend has been a childhood friend of my wife's and is in a current, loving, and happy relationship with a man now for over a year.  And yet somehow, my wife has come to the conclusion that the friend wants me.  I've heard similar rants before.  My wife once accused a female friend of mine who lives hours away that she was in love with me as well.  And at a party we threw last year, my wife went on to publicly announce to anyone in earshot that I once had a relationship with another woman (who was/is engaged at the time) at the party when I was in Jr. Highschool (not true)...my mom only brought me and this other girl to the Jr. High dance because the other mothers girl had to work.  We are still friends to this day, and my wife was totally fine when I asked if we could invite them over....but then again, when alcohol is involved, the Mr. Hyde of my wife's personality comes out.

In my wife's email rant to her friend, she went on to detail that she is mad at her sister and her mom, and wished her mom never birthed her...that she wanted/wants a different mom.  It is heartbreaking for me to hear this.  Not only because my wife is mentally not herself, but doesn't even realize how many times her mom has bailed her out and helped her over the years.  Her parents bought her a car, paid for its insurance, lent her money time after time after time and never demanded to be paid back.  Her mom has taken in her 20 year old grandaughter because my wife is unfit.

In the end my wife told her friend that when the divorce is over in 6-7 months, that the friend can have me.  To add insult to injury, she also "defriended" her on Facebook.  Her friend is in shock, speechless, and hurt.  I can identify.  But now my wife is throwing away a 30 year friendship based on....nothing. 

It is so sad.

And yet, all I can do is pray for my wife and see that God envelops her in His love and brings her back into His fold, and her sanity.  It's also tidbits of things like this that while it saddens me deeply to see that as her own downward spiral continues to plummet, that I made the right decision to step away and move on.