Today is my wife's 42nd birthday.
It has been 9 days since I last had any contact with her whatsoever. I have not tried to contact her, nor has she tried to contact me. Yesterday she received a letter in the mail indicating that her car insurance is now cancelled due to non-payment. Also another CC bill in her name came that I opened to discover that has not been paid either, for at least two months.
A mutual friend tried to contact her yesterday via text message to ask if she found a job yet or if she plans on coming down for mother's day to spend with her daughter. My wife has yet to reply, so I will take that as 'No' on both accounts. I spoke with my daughter yesterday and she plans on spending Mothers Day with her biological father and his new girlfriend. Good for her.
Yesterday, my SIL invited me (and my parents) over to their house for Mothers Day to spend the day with the family, although my mom is a bit reluctant. In fact, my own mother said she needed some 'sapce' right now from everyone and would feel awkward if they attended while my wife wasn't there. I understand her feelings, although I don't share them. Instead my mom wants to spend it with me, my father, and my dog. Something local and close where driving is not really involved. I'm fine with that. As much as I would like to see my FIL, BIL, MIL, SIL...I also don't want to drive 45 minutes alone each way.
My father also turned 68 on Monday. So we will be combining his birthday and Mothers day together.
I don't have a lot of money either, which is embarrassing not to be able to buy my parents gifts right now. For as much as they have been there for me these last few months, I've been struggling a bit financially. I had to pay the Federal taxes and property taxes by myself. Then there was the retainer for the lawyer. Then the double of utilities since my wife wasn't honest about paying those before she left.
I've been eating cans of soup and sandwiches and $2 microwave meals for the past 2 weeks until I can get out of the mud here. It's put a damper on my social life as well, not that I have much of one anyway, but everything I've done has been freebies with friends or minimal cost, perhaps splurging a few extra dollars on the weekends. One benefit I suppose is a lack of any alcohol myself. Really can't justify $4-5 beers anywhere, so that's helped keep my weight down as well.
So what are my feelings about today? This is the first time in 10 years that I have not bought my wife a gift, a card, or spent with her. I haven't even acknowledged it (and I don't count this post as acknowledgement) because of everyone's blunt suggestions. I have a feeling that since the majority of her friends live her, she may try to come down and convince her local friends to hang out. That's fine by me. I more or less have been distancing myself from a few of them anyway, and realize I don't really miss them that much. Also, again, the more she drives back and forth to here the more money she spends on gas, and now that her toll-road transponder is inactive, she'll be racking up heavy fines. Since I have yet to hear a response from her or anything from my lawyer, I suspect that she hasn't been able to hire one herself. She has 13 days left to respond (actually 11 if I throw out Sunday's) before I "win" (whatever that means) by default.
Otherwise I feel 'okay'. Still on my Lexapro, but after this bottle runs out, I'm not sure if I'll renew the prescription or opt for a lower dosage and wean myself off for a month. Still have more things of hers to pack, I just haven't really had the time or fortitude to make it a priority, but I do plan on packing another box or two shortly. I'd like to get rid of some of this stuff, not because it's taking up room, just because I don't want to be reminded day in and day out. Then I think about meeting new people and having to explain 'items' in the house I really don't want to explain.
Speaking of which, my divorced female friend comes into town today for a wedding she will be attending on Friday. She will spend part of the day with her mom on Sunday before she flies back and asked to spend the day with me on Saturday. She wants me drive her about some of our childhood stomping grounds and I agreed.
We haven't spoke on the phone yet, but email each other almost daily and send text messages and pictures of our daily activities to each other. She's just a good friend. We are aware and honest with each other about our circumstances, and both adult to know that we have to let our wounds heal. It's actually good that there is distance between us right now. I try to block any emotions right now, because I'm very wary of myself and my state of mind and heart. We agreed we will deal with things in 6 months from now, and a lot can happen in those six months. She starts a new job next week, and plans on working her arse off throughout the New Year and is eyeing moving back to our hometown in January. That doesn't mean she will, it may take more time.
Did I mention she's a Christian? She has a lot of the same values and morals that I share....although I know I am getting WAY ahead of myself....again, a warning I need to keep myself in check. But she has really helped me open my eyes the last few weeks, has been very above board, honest, and fair with what she says.
The remainder of this week will be low key (I hope), unless I get a surprise visit tonight or any day this week that I'm not expecting. Friday night will be with Celebrate Recovery, and it looks like my weekend is booked once again.
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