Pins & Needles

Every time my smartphone rings or chirps right now, I jump.

Any time now I should be either receiving an email from my lawyer saying my wife has been served, or an heart wrenching text from my wife once she receives the doucments, whoever gets to it first.

Had a decent dinner with a friend of mine from church last night.  I took him to a Thai place in town, and it was nice to spend a hour outside the house.  My friend is a recovering alcoholic himself.  He's been sober  right around 6 months now I believe.  To listen to his story, he's lost days of his life due to blackouts....knowing he started on a Tuesday and the next thing he knows its Thursday, losing 48 hours of his life. 

He's been an excellent friend and support person for me and I'm glad he's in my life.

After dinner I went to PetSmart to get some "bribes" for my dog.  As I was standing in line, my phoen chirped.  It was my wife wondering if I am going to talk to her anytime soon.  I want to, but like I said yesterday, I don't even know where to start.  I did not call or text her back. 

When I got home last night there was an interesting voice mail message from the bank.  It appears my wife must have called within the last day or two and wanted to inquire about 'liquidating' her IRA.  She only opened that IRA less than a year ago, when she rolled her 401K over into it and already paid a penalty on that.

I suspect my wife is now having financial issues, even more so than I would have guessed.  I have two weeks worth of unemployment forms/letters for her at the house I did not forward...nor has she asked for them (strange), so I have no idea how she is getting unemeployment right now.

And according to a mutual friend who spoke with her earlier in the week, no job prospects either.

Curious, I called the bank this morning and asked if there was any penalties if someone wished to liquidate or borrow from their IRA.  Yes, somewhere between 10-15% depending on the nature of the request and amount.  Hey, the more she borrows against herself, the more penalties she has to pay, meaning less money for her. 

I have a suspicision that she will be coming down this weekend.  Whether it's today, tomorrow, or Saturday, I just have a gut feeling she's going to be driving down whether she's been served or not.  I suspect she want's to talk to me since I've been avoiding her. I also suspect she wants her mail.  And possibly now to go to the bank and see about her IRA (unless she's doing that in her new state).

I think I'm going to ask my parents to take my dog Friday night once my dad comes by to walk him and keep him overnight.  Two reasons: 1) I do suspect my wife will be dropping by unexpectedly, and I don't want 'my' dog (the only thing left in my life who is my companion) to be in the middle of anything, and 2) My other friend wants to take me out for the day on Saturday.  He belongs to an off-road truck club, and wants to take me on a 1/2 day excursion with his club.  He's been asking me forever and I something was always coming up on my end, but I agreed this time as my schedule is wide open, and if I am indeed gone most of the day from the house on Saturday, the less chances my served and angry wife will be able to confront me.

Slept 'okay' last night.  still getting up once or twice in the middle of night for no reason, but this time I didn't use a sleeping pill.  I did, however, get up at 5:30...an hour before I usually do during the week, but laid under the covers until about 6:10 before I got up and had coffee and watched some TV. 

Have a mild headache now, probably from lack of breakfast.  I still feel a little anxious today, most likely because of the aforementioned 'waiting' to get 'the' call.  But it's been pretty quiet on the family side as well.  My MIL or SIL haven't contacted me in a few days now.  I think my SIL is out of town, but it's a tad unusual not to her from my MIL for this long.

My walk with God has taken a slight back seat lately.  I still pray everyday in the morning, but I haven't been reading my daily devotionals like I should be, nor have I been turning 'everything' over to Him either.  Some of my pride or that male stubborness is kicking in making me falsely beleive I can handle things, I can now start controling things.....but I know I'm wrong.  So tomorrow will be Celebrate Recovery, and church on Sunday.  Men's group is not meeting this Saturday.

Need to make it past the next few days.