"Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Hear Me saying, Peace, be still to your restless heart. No matter what happens, I will never leave you or forsake you. Let this assurance soak into your mind and heart, until you overflow with Joy. Though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, you need not fear." (April 20 daily devotion, Jesus Calling)I must have read this a 1/2 dozen times so far, and I expect to be reading it a half a dozen more over the next few days (or hours).
This past weekend had a lot of ups and downs. My wife was served papers on Friday morning and it is my understanding she is reaching out to friends (the few left) for her own lawyer. Not sure how she is going to pay for one, but that may explain why I learned on saturday she is now dipping into what's left of her IRA account (and paying stiff penalties to boot), but the less money she has it may be better for me in the long run. I can't imagine her spending what little left she has to fight me, but then again, she is so unpredictable as of late, who knows.
Spoke with my inlaws on Saturday afternoon. They said they would be more than happy to pick up all her clothes if I were to box them up and place them on the porch. My mother-in-law said she's text my wife and tell her she has a week to pick them up from their house, and if she didn't they would either sell them or donate them to goodwill. My MIL made it clear to me that she is not enabling her daughter, how disapointed they are with her, and they aren't going to store her belongings in lieu of her behaviors.
Friday night I went to Celebrate Recovery again. I didn't stay for the afterhour social gathering, just the open-share meeting. It was nice to 'release' again, and it's so heartbreaking to hear other mens stories like my own. Some are further along in the process than I am and some seem to be doing okay. I wish I were. I think I cried everyday the last four days now.
I came home and was in bed by 11pm, but as my troubled being would have it, I woke up at around 3am, and could never fall back asleep. It really sucks when you can't turn your mind off and the same crap just keeps playing over and over again in a loop in your brain.
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| Off Road |
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| Aftermath of trip |
Sunday was filled with church (where I cried yet again), and afterwards I came home to pack three more boxes of my wifes clothing. I figure I have at least 2 more to do tonight before I call my MIL up to have her pick it all up sometime this week. I cleaned house, did some grocery shopping, and dusted my whole downstairs. Then I realized that my 4.5 year old PC at home....the graphics card died. I could replace the graphics card for around $200, or buy a new PC (this years model) for about $700. Despite my personal situation, I am leaning to a new PC right now because even if I just replace the graphics card, it's starting to show it's age and is slowing down a bit. I think my hard drive has just about had it as well, and I need to learn Win 7 anyway for work purproses. At least I checked my Best Buy credit status and I can buy a new PC and pay it off with no interest over the course of 18 months. A little math suggests I have a payment of $42 a month, so I just might.
And as no surprise to anyone, my wife has not paid me any money for her taxes and a new round of bilsl coming in this week suggest she only made partial payments on the last ones. So in the next few weeks, I'll have to think about going to my church and inquiring about perhaps finding a room-mate for a while. I could use the extra $600 a month right now (which is DIRT CHEAP in my area). People would kill for that price, but I need to find the right person...who will also like my dog...and be mature enough and responsible enough to treat my house like they would there own. Maybe someone from Celebrate?
I also hit the gym yesterday. Did legs, rode the bike for a bit, just getting in some exercise.
A few of the neighbors began talking to me again. Things are slowly turning around there. At least a few are starting to accept the fact and idea that my wife leaving wasn't my fault. Some are starting to put things together and realize my wife may have been exaggerating circumstances, or embelishing the facts a bit more than previously reported. By keeping my mouth shut, and by staying humble and quiet, I have allowed herself to dig her own grave in that regard. A couple of them told me that they don't blame me now and they know that I've been patient and wanting to give her more than her fair share of chances....at least they are starting to see that for themselves. One couple even invited me over for dinner. But I'm not gloating....far from it. I just remain quiet, try to change the subject, or keep to myself for the time being,
1 comment:
You sound like you are where you are supposed to be in the healing process... It takes time, and it's ok to have bad days, or need to cry.
The only thing that really caught my attention was the roommate idea - I wouldn't suggest it, unless you are at risk of losing your home, or already have a specific person in mind. Think back to college years where most of us had roommates of one type or another... No bueno. There's the chore sharing, bill sharing, food sharing, TV time sharing, social issues w/having friends and/or girlfriends etc... I hate to say it, but at that rate, you might as well sell your home and move back in with the parents... You're an adult, and you will eventually have another relationship, and things are going to go a lot more smoothly w/out a roommate to tiptoe around. Obviously just my opinion, but hopefully another angle to look at.
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