I think I dreamt about her because even though we didn't speak yesterday, I was thinking of her as I opened our mailbox and discovered this months new bills showing that last months were never paid (before she left). I was kinda angry as she 'promised' me that she would take care of the bills for March (since she was still there until the 20th), and now I have to double up the payments on most of them to keep current.
My mom took me out to dinner last night. We had Thai and did a little shopping at Target. While we were out, (speak of the devil), my wife texted me. She texted me a picture of some clouds, and said:
Saw these clouds today...(when I'm having my little "reflection time" I like to see what shapes I can make out of them) anyhow, the 2nd one down reminded me of the Millenium Falcon or a pod racer....maybe a ship from Star Trek...just thought I'd share....This is the first time she has tried to contact me in about 6 days. I didn't know how to respond, other than a simple "I can see that. Thank you."...and that was that.
Mind games? Is she really reflecting? My mom told me to stay strong, that someday....maybe not soon...but someday my wife will realize what a mistake she made and what she threw away.
Regardless, I think that's why I may have dreamed of her last night.
But then as I was shaking the cobwebs out of my head and having my first cup of coffee this morning, I took a look at the bills: Partial paid water bill, unpaid CC bill, unpaid HOA bill, unpaid property tax bill. And then I started to think about the fact she is still bowling in another state, and driving all over the place, and hanging out at Irish pubs, and I come to the realization that her priorities are still the same....they are all about her and her fun.
And I get mad.
I get angry.
I want to get even.
But I know that's not the way.
That's not me.
I ask for God to forgive me for these thoughts I am having and remind myself that my wife has lost it. I ask Him to calm my spirit, to take a deep breath, and remember to continue to pack her things when I get home.
Against my better judgement, I did send her an email today, with copies of her Credit Card bill. 2 of them. $87 each....that I paid. And I asked her for a reimbursement. No response yet. I don't expect one. I'm trying to realign myself and change my thought process to "it's just business".
Detachement is the key word, and I replayed that audio chapter from 'Codependant No More' again today. I may have to listen again later today. I'm fighting the feeling of wanting to call her and talk, but I'm still mad and no nothing good is going to come out of my mouth, so I pray I endure and make it through the day without further temptation.
2 comments:
I'm going to make a couple of suggestions, and that's all they are... Keep copies of all the bills that you are paying for her - if she's taking out money on her 401k to get a lawyer and fight for more from you, you need to show that you've already given much more... And any other bills that are in her name (unless they're shared accts. or something you co-signed on) send the bills back with "moved" written on them, as well as her cell #. Let these companies w/their resources chase her down and pressure her for payment. You need to remove yourself from her finances, or she's liable to keep charging away knowing you'll pay the bills for her... In other words, you're enabling her.
Did you ever have a friend in HS or college that regularly broke up and then got back together with the same guy or girl? And did you stand back after talking them through the hard part and wonder (pardon the launguage, but) WTF are they thinking?? It's so easy to see as an outsider all the reasons why these people aren't good for each other, but so hard for the people that are in the trenches... You're in it - all in, actually. Do your best to take a step back each day, and try to get a better view of the situation. Small steps - but each step back from the situation will allow you to view your relationship with a bit of additional clarity. It's like standing too close to a Pointillist painting - all you see are the dots - it's not until you step back that the picture becomes visible.
Thank you for the advice Anon...and you'll be happy to hear that I have been already doing many of these things.
I have been very open to the Credit Card companies what her cell phone number is and address.
The issue here is the common utilities. All the utilities are in my name, and our agreement was I pay the mortgage, the insurance, the cars...she pays the HOA, the water, gas, electric.
Before she left she told me all the bills for March were paid...they were not as I am finding out.
Since she left, she has promised me on 3 seperate ocassions that she will pay her 1/2 of the taxes....each date she has give me has now come and gone.
I make digital (.PDF) copies of all the bills now just for what you are suggesting...giving them to a lawyer and pointing out that I am paying 90% of all the invoices while she goofs around.
As far as the WTF enlightenment goes? Yes, slowly but surely I do indeed recognize that, and hence part of why my recent tears are turning to anger. But I wonder how much of my own anger is really me being angry at me for being such a dolt for so long.
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