The end of a marriage, or a new beginning? (Part VI)

Sunday/Monday wrap-up.

Saturday evening was touch and go as to whether our smaller Sunday meeting with my wife would actually take place. It was not looking to good as my wife, still only texting (no actual phone calls), kept saying she's in no rush to get anywhere.

Even though her father directly requested that she show up at 2pm, as promised, no one was holding there breath.

Sunday I attended church and an elder pulled me aside seeing that I have been distressed and spoke with me for a good 20 minutes. It really didn't help all that much other than me breaking down and crying and releasing some emotions, all the while counting down the time until 2pm.

The interventionsist called me and said he didn't think my wife was going to come, so he wasn't going to make the drive and I can't blame him. But I was determined to show my inlaws that I still have a fight in me, so I drove to their house and got there at 2pm. I hung out until 3pm and gave up. My wife was a no show. Her parents were very disapointed, but for some reason, my father inlaw despite faced with numerous verbal accounts from the family, and witnessed his own daughter blowing off his specific request, still seems to be in somewhat of denial himself.

He talks big one second, and when we get to the 11th hour, he remains silent. I brought this concern up to the interventionsist, and he agreed....my FIL seems to be mentally wrestling with the facts...of course what parent doesn't want to give thier child a second, thrid, fourth, fifth chance? However, it's becomming clear to me that as a family that is supposed to be united on this front, the patriarch is slowly fading into the background and not leading.

I was back at my home by 3:30pm and I got a text (what is it with my family and texts?) from my MIL that my wife showed up at 3:15 claiming her cell phone was dead. My inlaws didn't excuse her...telling her she should have left earlier, or stopped at a gas station or restaraunt to give call.

My MIL also said that my wife was upset that I was there yet again to give my side of the story and she wasn't, but they said they shot that down saying they have asked for her side of the story for weeks and she either blows them off, or has a convenient excuse of some sort.

She did tell them that while she didn't drink and drive this time, that she did drink when she was out of town, yet another broken promise. She said she could go without drinking and prove us wrong. That didn't last all of two days.

Anyway, she didn't stay long, maybe 30 minutes at most, and was back at our house sometime around 4:30pm. And the first thing she did? Grab the very last beer in the house and drink it in front of me and our daughter. I was so stunned, I was literally speachless, something that my BIL/SIL would eventually give me the 3rd degree for last night when I said that. (I can't seem to win).

My wife was quiet most of the time saying very little to me or our daughter. She watched a little TV with us and made her way up to bed at 8pm. This bummed me out, because that was my strategy....to remove myself and go to our room by myself and watch some TV until I hopefully fell asleep.

So I stayed up until 9:30, and decided to go to our room and I crawled into bed. I guess she couldn't sleep, and somewhere around 2am, went downstairs to try and sleep on the couch to no avail. I eventually got up at 7am, got ready for work and left...again, neither of us saying anything.

Of course my dad called me from out of state, the interventionsist called me, my MIL called me, my mother called me all throughout the day....all offering up the same re-hashed advice that no husband/son wants to hear. Nothing very helpful, just more "You need to do this, you need to do that."

I came home and walked my dog and counetd down to 8pm for our supposed 1Hr family conference call.

What a fricken mess. The 1hr call turned into a 1hr 45 min call, most of it going in circles. The interventionist tried to involve my FIL, but it was pretty evident to everyone he's shying away from all this now. More information and behavior came to light from all the other family memebers, and then it seemed my BIL/SIL slightly turned on me, stating I'm not doing enough. I'm not putting my foot down. Why didn't I say anything when she came home and cracked a beer?

Well, first of all....I am not the Alpha's they are. I'm am worn down, and any few minutes of peace I get these days is a treasure. It's really easy to sit and command from the side lines when you aren't living/breathing it when the monster is in the room. They can easily walk away, hang up the phone, or turn their attentions to something else. My SIL has been married 3x. My BIL 2x. They've been through this before and chose to move on.....I haven't and take my vows seriously. It frustrated me that they feel exasperated that I'm holding back. But what can I do? I already spoke to a lawyer, and I have no legal authority to change the locks or kick her out. She's 42 years old...what am I gonna do...chain her to the door? I have to work....she is unemployed...so I'm gone 50 hours a week and she goes bowling on Monday nights...what/when/how am I uspposed to do anything? No one has any REAL ideas, not even the interventionist, yet my BIL/SIL threw the gauntlent down last night on the phone saying I have to do more!!

Even my daughter finally said "Well, what are WE supposed to do? You aren't here. You don't see the monster that my mom is when she goes off on a tirade or gets in her mood. She's relentless and mean." Yes, we are admiting that both of us who live with her are scared, and my BIL/SIL think that's an excuse on our part. Yeah, because that's what I like...constant yelling, tears, arguments, etc. Again, it's just so easy to be an armchair quarterback and point out things someone should be doing when you're not the one getting your hands bloody.

Finally, we had enough. Eveyone said they thought the meeting was productive. My daughter and I looked at each other and wondered "What meeting were we at then?" Neither she nor I saw anything happen. We heard my BIL/SIL criticize me, my FIL walked away from the phone, and more pressure placed on me...and my wife is still out bowling and doing what she wants.

I had it. After that call, I went to my room, took a sleeping pill, prayed, and just asked to get me through this day.

My wife, surprisingly came home at 10:10 (Thank God the call ended 20 minutes ago). She got into bed herself, facing away from me...we didn't talk at all.

I got up this morning, and here I am at work. I'm having intestinal issues this morning due to the stress of the call, and ended up taking a Xanax at 7am.