Interlude: Codependent No More

Our family interventionist suggested we read a book: "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. Well, I'm always up for a certain level of challenge, and finding no lasting help thus far in my current situation, I decided to look into this titile.

I was happy to learn there is an unabridged audio version clocking in just shy of 9 hours available on Audible.com for roughly $10. I went ahead and downloaded the 128MB file to my Android phone and began listening yesterday afternoon.

I'm only just shy of two hours into by now (listening both yesterday and this morning already) and have come to the conclusion I am a textbook 'codependent'.

While I may not fit 100% of all the symptons, I do embody quite a bit of them, say a guestimate of 80-85% of the examples given thus far. And it's just not the authors random writings...she provides real life case studies written by real people. It was amazing to hear how many of these stories paralleled my own to a very high degree. Sure, there are some differences here and there, but the overall pictures that these people paint are very similar to my own.

That makes me feel both happy and sad. Sad that these people are expereincing the same level of pain that I am (because it's harsh and it sucks), but happy to know by other first hand accounts that this situation is not unique to me, my family, and not 100% of my doings.

Part I of the book is defing what codependency is, and there symptoms. Part II, which I am now about to begin is the beginnings of how I am going to identify my own issues and start to change myself, for the betterment of myself.

The first key word - detachment. It's only been briefly defined thus far, and I'm sure we'll dig deeper here shortly, but I already get the sense I am going to make the very tough decision and force myself to act upon it, to detach my hurt and current feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, sadness, etc. from a my wife who doesn't give a rip to begin with. I am wasting energy, and emotions on someone who doesn't even recognize them to begin with and is currently incapable of both processing that or even returning any sense of empathy or compassion.

As someone recently told me, she can't love me if she can't love herself. And quite clearly she's living a facade of an exisitence and doesn't even note it herself.

In other news, I will be attending my first open Al-Anon meeting tonight at 7:30. My wife appraoched me this morning (unusual to begin with) and said she wants to talk. Does this have anything to do with the fact she got into a texting war with my BIL/SIL yesterday? The fact my MIL/FIL are upset with her. Funny...you've ignored me for 8 days straight, and now you want to talk. Sorry, tonight I have a meeting, perhaps tomorrow. I've waited and waited and waited to talk to you and we have given you multiple opportunites to voice your side, just to be blown off at every chance.

Now you want to talk?