1 week gone

Actually tomorrow will be one week that my wife has left both my daughter and I. We haven't spoken via phone. but did exchange a few emails late last week....regarding bills due if you can believe that.

I had picked up our taxes, plus have received some of her invoices in the mail. The emails were short, and I had sent her copies of the bills that she is responsible for. I also told her that even though I paid for the accountant service fees, that she should pay 1/2 of the State taxes. It's then she said she had 'no checks', which I'm not sure if I believe or not. If so, she's screwed, because the debt consolidation company has begun calling for her for the CC's in her name. All I could do was give them her cell phone number, because I'm not paying for them anymore. Especially in lieu of the fact I have a feeling she's gonna stiff me on the taxes.

I recommended that she give the money to her girlfriend and the girlfriend could send me a check, or she can send me a money order. See, I'm not sure why I need to point the obvious stuff out. There are always readily available alternatives for sending me the money, but she plays dumb sometimes which is irriatating.

The meeting with the lawyer went well, although somewhat expensive. He assured me that the house will be mine, and since she 'left', I can actually change the locks on the house as soon as I get a copy of the Title Deed (I get that tomorrow) with my sole name on the house.

The only bad news was that I may have to pay some sore of alimony for 4 years, but he said that won't be much, maybe upwards of $7000 a year, possibly less, due to the fact she has turned down jobs, split, left me with the bills, etc. And the biggest issue I face right now is the retainer. If I choose to divorce in the next few weeks, his retainer is $6K. I still have property taxes and Federal income taxes to pay as well. This sucks, because I just paid off my car after 4 years, and now this is going to throw me right back to tightening my belt yet again. My parents offered to help, but that just feels wierd to me....asking your parents for money to get a divorce.

The good news is she has no money to really hire her own lawyer, so it shouldn't be dragged out or contentious. I have no idea what she is thinking. I have no idea if she wants to try and work things out or not.

Her last email to me said she did still love me, but to be honest, I'm not so sure. Why not call me then and speak in person? I really see no attempt on her behalf to try anything, so I'm not holding my breath.

The neighbors and friends (except the one) are seemingly realizing she left and are not treating me as much as a pariah (except the one) now. I think people know what's up, but don't want to broach the subject with me, or don't know what to say. Actually one invited me to dinner at their house on Friday night which was nice. We had pho, one of my favorites.

My daughter spent the night at her grandma's this weekend, so I was alone for the weekend. I ended up dusting, vacuuming, mopping, laundry, walking the dog, catching up on taped TV, grocery shopping, church, gym, and playing a video game. Sounds like a lot, but it was pouring rain yesterday so I stayed in and was able to get a lot done.

I didn't cry this weekend, or even this morning, though I admit I was a bit depressed and sad on Friday morning when I got up and the lawyers words started to really sink in to me. What a horrible feeling and I can tell you I hate even thinking about divorce, let alone actually doing it. That being said, with my daughter gone and the pouring rain, it's been awefully lonely at home.

I look around the living room and kitchen and there are doznes of pictures of us together dating all the way back from our wedding day. I don't know what to do with them yet. Maybe I need to take one down at a time every few days. Right now, I'm kinda ignoring it, but I know I have to deal with them and her sooner or later.

It's been 2 months now since I/we've been intimate. I still think of that night, and now the lack of those night for two months. That sucks too.

Tonight is our last family conference call with the interventionist. I'm kinda glad. They never really did anything for me except depress me and remind me how my BIL/SIL think of me. Since my wife left last week, neither of them have had much to say to me....which I'm fine with too. I was getting tired of them telling me I need to 'man-up' every other day when they weren't in the thick of it.

Tomorrow morning I have my first professional therapist one-on-one meeting as well. 9am. I'm taking the day off of work as I need to get a copy of my house Title as well. Then another Al-Anon meeting on Wed, and possibly a group 'Celebrate Recovery' this Friday. I'm sure my wife is doing none of these. She says she will be seeing a therapist 'out there', but I'm not so sure.

To some it all up: This week has been very lonely, but so many issues are up in the air that I have to take care of, they are keeping me busy. My wife claims to still 'love me', but I can't really see any evidience of that, especially with all the finanicial lurch she left me with to clean up as usual. Her family is cautiously giving me space, but I'm unsure if that is because they gave up as well once she decided to move outta state or something else.

This whole things sucks.