To intervene, or not to intervene. (Part I)

Anonymous asked me a question based on my last post wondering if I am stressed or relieved that my family (actually her side...they actually requested that my own parents do not participate) wishes to have an intervention with my wife regarding her drinking.



It's a complicated answer in which I've had very little time to digest the whole situation and feel that somehow this decision is out of my hands.


A bit of background first:

1. My wife had a terrible first marriage that did not end on good terms.


2. My wife can be emotionally stubborn and proud, and finds it very hard to admit her weaknesses, let alone when she is wrong or the ability to say 'sorry'.


3. Her relationship with her daughter is tenous at best.


4. You've probably realized (if you've been reading me for any amount of time), that our relationship is also tenous, at best. Some good days...some bad days.


5. My wife has been out of a job for 10 months now, and gave up looking about 3 months ago.


6. My wife does not regularly attend church, nor has a desire too.

There are other points as well, including the ones I bring to the table, but suffice to say I think whereas I can admit my demons, my shortcomings, my faults...my wife is in complete denial of her own. And now that she doesn't work, this has 'enabled' her to hit the bottle a bit more than normal as a form of 'escape', although I'm sure like most functional alcoholics, she will completely deny that.

As far as the intervention goes, yes, I'm both stressed and feeling releived at the same time. I just want it over so I can figure out on how to move on, one way or another.

However, it seems (not that I'm faulting her) that my SIL is full steam ahead on this and kinda took charge. We spoke the other day about my wifes Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde personality, and the next thing I knew (less than 24 hours later) was that her family wants to have an intervention, and soon.

My wife does indeed need help and needs to be confronted, but I can't help but feel this is all going to blow back on me and perceived by her as all my doing. In fact, I just wanted my SIL to talk to my wife about getting her butt in gear and start looking for a job since when I bring it up at home, it generally starts an argument.

I asked for the support of my SIL/BIL and inlaws to sit and talk with her in the coming weeks to see what her 'plan', if any, was. To 'strongly' encourage her to go back to school, or start looking for a job again. The drinking was mentioned and my SIL and MIL agreed that my wife has a drinking problem (so do I). My step-daughter asked for the intervention.

Wham-o.

I get a call saying we need to get together soon and I should rehab numbers ready. This is all a lot to digest while I am at work and can't actually talk to anyone.

To be continued.....