To intervene, or not to intervene (part 2)

Today is a bear.

I didn't sleep at all last night and now I'm cranky and irritable and feel like I'm bubbling under the surface.

I hate waiting.

I'm waiting for my SIL to cooridinate the next steps. She and my BIL are supposed to meet with my inlaws sometime later this afternoon, or early evening and I seem to be in an emotional holding pattern.

Last night, I was on the receiving end of yet another rehashed 1 hour and 15 minute venting from my wife. Of course most of it was directed to me and about me, but there was a sprinkling of her daughter, her 1st ex-husband, and random other participants that have somehow wronged her in a way in which she feels is why she is where she is now....miserable.

I sat and listened....quietly...I've heard it all before....multiple times. The tune doesn't change, just the day and the hour. Somewhere around 45 minutes into I half tuned out. I wasn't about to get mad, scream back, do something stupid that could be used against me. I just grinned and bared it and pretended this will all be over soon enough.

After 8 years of marriage I realize when it is absolutely pointless and fruitless for me to respond. Just best let her vent, and let herself repeat adnaseum...as if the first 10 times she yelled about something it didn't sink in or I didn't hear.

But somewhere last night (at least I say that now) I mentally hit both an emotional and mental wall of sorts, and realized that this is never going to change, not until she wants to change herself and get help. I'm done.

I have to worry about my own mental health, and state of being. I have to worry about being able to focus on my job, and be able to sleep and be healthy. I cannot do that with her random behaviors that everyone recognizes except herself.

Whereas yesterday I was scared of losing my wife, of admitting my marriage is over, thinking about divorce is a sin in God's eyes, and afraid of the eventual confrontation that somehow is destiny......now I just want the day to come where she makes her choice and I can move on.

I emailed my SIL this morning and said, "lets get this thing going"....if I have to wait anylonger I'm going to go mad. If she is going to chose not to get help, to be angry at me, and then leave...lets just rip the bandaid and let the healing begin. Next month I'm 42, and despite battling this depression and mental fatigue, I'm still a young and good looking guy, and maybe I can start over with someone this time in which I am equally-yoked.

I'll cut this one short here.....I have more to say, more to express, but I need to clear my head a bit and take a breather....