It's 9am and I've already been on the phone with my father once this morning at 7:45...just wanting to hear his voice and his encouragement. He says he supports me 100%, has been praying daily for both me and my wife, but understands that the bandaid must be "ripped" off soon.
He recognizes that there only seems to be two outcomes: 1) My wife breaks down and gets professional help, or 2) My marriage is over.....but as he pointed out...the choice is really all hers. I've done everything I could have possibly done these last few months, giving her opportunity after opportunity, after opportunity to make her own choices and take her priorities seriously...and instead she has chosen to hit the bottle.
Friday night when I came home the neighbors invited me and my wife out for sushi. I was dead tired being up close to 40 hours straight at that point, but I agreed and dinner was okay. My wife surprised me by actually paying for my portion, but I did have to suffer one or two cheap shots from her at dinner. I noticed that everyone at our table drank water (5 of us) except my wife who had to have a half carafe of hot sake (she was No 6 BTW).
When we made it home, I took a hot shower and was in bed by 8:30pm, and slept all the way through until 6:15am Saturday morning when I rousted myself up for my men's support group at church.
My BIL/SIL called me Saturday afternoon as I was walking the dog and we had a 45 minute conversation. I was strong through most of it, gaining their total support, although I did get choked up one or twice. They requested that I get a professional counsler to the intervention as well (of course, at my expense) to help guide the day, make sure we all stay on track, and I suppose to also make sure cooler heads prevail. After some initial thoughts, I tended to agree, and now I'm tasked today (Monday) to find one and try to figure out schedules. Ugh...more pressure and more of this landing at my feet.
Later Saturday afternoon my neighbors (another set) and my wife an I went out for the afternoon, food tasting and bought goodies home for us all to continue in the backyard while I BBQ. It was the first time in weeks that I didn't think about our "situation", and the first time I felt some peace in days. While I will give my wife credit for being cordial and nice to me this weekend, there was no affection between us. Maybe I'm the only one who noticed, but she treated me more like her friend than a husband. A roommate, not a soul mate.
Sunday morning I went to church, then the gym, and when I came home I had a few minutes alone with my step-daughter. She told me that she had called her grandparents (my inlaws) and she said she explained to them that she thinks her mom does have a drinking issue, drinks 1-2 bottles a day, and has driven while under the influence on rare occasions. She also told them about their fight the previous week in which I had to intervene.
If anything right now I'm so proud of her and happy that even my step-daughter is standing up and taking notice and being honest with the family. I'm not in this alone, although I still feel I have the most to lose.
Later yesterday afternoon, yet a third neighbor asked me to hang out with him...to get him out of the house and he'd buy me lunch. He did, and I admit I had two beers....Then my wife texted me to say she got more BBQ stuff fro me to cook and told me to come home with him to make dinner for him and his wife. We did and it was fine, although no interaction between my wife and I except cordial conversation. Soon they left, and my wife and I watched "Once upon a time." on opposite ends of the couch. When it was over at 9pm I went to bed...we didn't say anything to each other.
At 3:30am this morning, I woke up, my spirit heavy...or was it stress? I prayed for a bit, fell back asleep, got up at 6:30 and got ready for work....and left. Yet another morning where I left without saying "Goodbye" or giving her a kiss on the forehead as I've done for years.
Right now....I feel...."even", although an hour ago I was uptight, scared, ansty, mad, and just overall frustrated with the situation. She has bowling tonight...yet another $50 night for her, someone who has no money and no job, but I'm okay with that. I need the peace and quiet for the coming storm that is rapidly approaching....
God, Lord....Father....Please give me strength to stay focused, be strong, be firm, yet be loving and at peace.
1 comment:
Sorry to see you're still just hanging in there... I had hoped for your sake, that it was over and done with, and as you acknowledged, in your wife's hands to reach a conclusion... A counselor is a good idea, and will most definitely aide you if she goes on the attack... YOU can do this, and you've got some good support in place. Stay strong. Thinking of you & your family...
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