Slept last night

For whatever reason, today I feel 'strong'. Not that I can't crack at a moments notice, but today, for some unknown reason, I feel "okay".

Yesterday was a day of phone calls. Trying to find an affordable interventionsist, whose in the area, and meets my SIL/BIL requirements was a tad daunting. I've never had to do this before and it's overwhelming to say the least. It's even more overwheleming and frustrating when you are trying to coordinate phone calls and research with both inlaws and SIL/BIL and then waiting for them to reply with their $.02 and make everyone happy.

I know they mean well, but I am the one footing the bill, and I'm not sure they understand how emotional and stressful this is for me while I maintain my grip on sanity.

I prayed off and on most of the day yesterday, and after each call to a clinic it slowly began to sink into me that this isn't my fault, and that my wife has a problem she cannot control and that I and my daughter are the victims of this. It was also ecouranging to learn how many of these people believe in God, and two of the people I spoke with yesterday finished our calls with a prayer.

My SIL also told me she started a new bible study yesterday at her church and at the end she gave out my name and my wife's name for prayer request, so perhaps my strength today is coming from the Holy Spirit. I just hope I can maintain this strength for the coming days ahead of me.

I got a text message from a friend yesterday (beleive it or not a, recovering alcoholic himself) who met me after work to just talk to me. It was filled with my tears and pain, but that's what I needed right then....a physical shoulder to cry on and to vent and to listen. Human contact and interaction.....not via phone or email or text messages....but someone I could look in their eyes and who would look back at me. Thank you Lord.

Anyway, got home at 6:45pm, took a hot shower and my wife actually made me a pretty decent dinner (although having her Margarita while she made it). At 9:45 I could not keep my eyes open any longer and went to bed at 10pm. I was surprised that my wife came to bed as well just minutes later. She usually stays up until much later. No contact between us, but I fell right asleep and didn't get up until 6:30 this morning. Boy, I really needed that.

I told my wife goodbye, gave her a kiss (....yes, I did....) and left for work. My dad called again today on my way to work and I was glad. It's weird, but anotehr thing I am so thankful for....my dad and I have a closer relationship these days than we did when I was growing up. He told me he was concerned for my health and my mental well being....something that made me melt inside a bit...I haven't heard him say that for a long time. He says he's been praying for me hourly and knows that I am doing everything in my power, and if it fails, it's not my fault....my wife just doesn't want to change.

I took a Clonzapam with me today, just in case....but so far, I haven't had to take it. Here's to hoping that tonight will be just as calm on the home front and give me a bit to emotionally recharge and God willing, get another night of awesome sleep and remember to turn this whole thing over to God and put my trust in Him.