Day 1/Evening 1: I took a few minutes, in a daze on what just transpired, to gather a few belongings and my dog once again and go back to my parents house. Heck no, if I am going to be asked to leave "my" house that I "solely" paid for, I am for sure taking "my" dog.
I can't even remember the drive back to my parents house that late afternoon. With me, I had taken a few days worth of work clothes, my sweats and a few miscellaneous things.
My stomach was upset so my mom made me a scrambled egg, some cottage cheese, and a few slices of a pear...that was my dinner. I wasn't really in the mood for any type of discussion, but my parents emphasized that they also felt divorce was in my future and that they were now convinced more than ever that after watching my wife's reactions, there was no way she was ever going to admit that she needed help or take responsibility for anything....ever. Better to cut my losses now and move on with my life and try to find happiness, even if it takes a while, than to be continously walking on egg-shells for the remainder of my life, or until my wife wants to get help.
I went to my parents guest bed (a twin no less...ugh) and had a restless night. I slept on and off, (mostly off) and kept playing the events of the day in my head over and over again non-stop. I finally gave up at around 6am, got up and had a nice hot shower and heated up some day old coffee to try and ward off the minor headache I was experiencing. (My parents don't have any aspirin...go figure.).
The weather was a great indicator of my mood and feelings: dark, cold, overcast and about to rain. I contemplated taking the day off, but to what end? Sitting around with my dad all day, moping, sulking, feeling sorry for myself, crying? No..had to go to work despite my state of mind.
Lexapro: check.
Xanax: check.
The day was excruciatingly long. I got a few texts from my daughter, my SIL, my MIL to see how I was doing. Um....shitty. How do you think I'm doing?
My SIL informed me that after I left the intervention, the interventionsist met with (of all people) my neighbor...the one that texted me to say "I don't want anything to do with you anymore." Not sure what I think of this. Why is the neighbor now involved? It was later explained to me that they roped the neighbor into this as a way to get my wife to open up and talk. They thought my wife may feel more comfortable if the neighbor was there.....Well, while I may understand this on the surface....in the end this is MY marriage, and a FAMILY problem...not the nosey neighbor who knows nothing. My wife and neighbor and the interventionsist were supposed to meet on Monday afternoon. Do you understand why I am starting to feel this is now turning into a circus and I absolutely have no control anymore on whats going on?
I read a few bible verses, prayed a bit, and my drive back to my parents home at 5 was long...as it was now pouring rain and would be for the next few hours. I finally got a text from my wife "I am in the next state, made it safe, see you Sunday." That's it.
Watched some TV with my parents and went back to bed at 10pm. I kept thinking..."Again, why am I here and she got to stay at the house? Why is the neighbor involved? What the hell is going on? Why didn't the interventionist call me back like he said he would and tell me how the meeting with the wife and neighbor went?"
So I can return back to my home on Tuesday evening with my dog and spend the remainder of the week alone (my daughter went to stay with her friend for the next few days), in seclusion from my neighbors whom I am sure all think I am a heel by now.
I don't feel any better....at all. This is a shit-storm I find myself in the middle of and not of all my doing.
Next: Tuesday
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Listening...
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