A chance to witness

I've been a little restless in the Spirit the last few days.

Saturday I attended a funeral and was very humbled and reflective on a great many of things.

Sunday found a neighbor of mine exclaiming she had a new job that paid upwards of $17K more a year than she was previously making. Though I am happy for her, it also stung a bit my own sense of pride knowing that was the amount of salary cut I took when I started this temporary job when I lost my previous job. I had to wonder if there was some weird irony that God was trying to point out to me....to see if I truly was happy with my circumstances today. Well, in all honesty, they aren't, and it still paigns me.

My dreams consisted of some less than pleasant memories regarding my old place of employment (why can't I let this go?), and I awoke this morning in silence cognoscent of my eventual unemployment again. How I dread looking for yet another job close to home that will pay what I was used to. Yesterday in church I heard of a testimonial that a gentlemen had been close to bankruptcy with a family including 3 children and was out of work for almost 9 months. I am not that bad, but that sense of doom always hangs over me.

A lot was said to me too in Spirit regarding the fact that the past is the past and cannot be changed, but we must strive for the future. A lesson that I have a very hard time applying to myself. I've always thought to learn from your mistakes, use the past as lessons for the future, hence I have such a hard time not using the past as a measuring stick and therefore it emotionally cripples me.

This morning I arrived at my current job place and was faced with an ongoing dilemma. A peer of mine, while seemingly friendly on the outside, has other motivations including one (for whatever reason) to make my life difficult. Everything is like a test to him when it comes to me, and I admit, sometimes the situation get under my skin and can fester at times. Another peer recognizes this and has had his one dealing, far worse actually than mine when it comes to this other person. Probably not meaning anything by it and making for casual conversation he asked me "Well, what do you do with this type of person?"

The door opened. One that I wasn't even looking for this morning.

I was able to share my own personal insights and offered that perhaps this person is in our lives to teach us a lesson, and if it is a lesson not for us, perhaps it is as simple as we pray for him that one day he may may become a better person himself.

My coworker said it seemed like I was religious and wanted to know if I went to church every week. I said I try to go every week. He then offered to me he wasn't that religious. I just went on to say that even Christians have faults. I explained to him that even by me praying and going to church I still have feelings of anger and bitterness at times. I still get mad and frustrated and swear. I told him that I ask God daily to remove certain thoughts from my head and my heart lest I be pharaoh with a hardened heart. But I shared with him, that I don't always get the answer I want, or peace of mind, saying that God is working with me constantly in His time, not mine. Perhaps I will take all this negativity directed towards me, and instead of praying for me to be delivered, that I would pray for the person victimizing me instead.

My coworker said, "Why should I pray for him when I am sure he doesn't pray for me." I tried to explain to him that Christ commands us to 'Love our enemies' and what we invest here on this earth is an investment in the afterlife. It's not about tit for tat, but of forgiveness. Not so much was I a witness to this person, but hearing my own words echoing back to me and pointing out how hard it has been for me to forgive those I felt have done me wrong.

Our conversation didn't last overly long, and there were some more parables I was trying to explain. But in the end I felt a little good. A little good I was able to plant a seed in this mans life and that I got to share my insights on being a Christian and not embarrassed by it.