I've had a recurring theme taking up residence within my head the last few weeks, and for years while the mere definition of this word seemed murky, the particulates of minutiae are finally starting to dissipate and/or settle, and my outlook on many things seem a bit more clearer for me today.
That word: Forgiveness.
As children, and throughout most of our lives I think most of us can agree that we were told that the morally 'correct' thing to do when wronged is to "forgive and forget", to "turn the other cheek". We say that we do and extend our hands to those that may have wronged us to 'shake on it', but I think most of us can agree it was obligatory and mechanical, especially if our parents were watching. We really didn't me it, did we? It was more about getting out of that exact moment, to make those around us happy, and put on the facade that all was okay, but in reality we were still angry.
And if I'm to be honest here, that's exactly how it went for me. I say I 'forgave', cracked a forced smile, but deep down inside I was filled with spite and the raw emotion of anger and despisement. I knew when to keep my mouth shut, but deep down inside I was harboring some dark and ill fated thoughts...but I have come to realize that the only person I was actually harming at this point was myself.
Various verses on forgiveness:
- If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matt 6:14-15)
- You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Col. 3:13)
Now it isn't easy. That is fact.
I'm not sitting here and saying that one can instantly snap their fingers and have all those negative memories, emotions, feelings, hurts, anger, and the like be erased from either recent or long standing memory.....but we can choose to ask God to strengthen and support us when our worldly thought begin to drift that way.
So lets talk about some physical and psychological side effects of not being able to forgive:
- Loss of focus on the here and now if we are mired and consumed of righting wrongs.
- Tension, high blood pressure, insomnia, fatigue, stress and even physical pain as our muscles tighten up inside and chemicals are released from the brain that may affect our thought process.
- Lack of joy, happiness, mood swings, possibly even depression.
- Carrying around burdensome thoughts for years (i.e. baggage) that may get in the way of forming healthy and positive relations with others.
- Possible feelings of guilt.
Now look at my list (and your own), again. Do any of these sound like something God wants us to experience on an ongoing basis? Are any of these side effects a positive result of His teachings and how He wants us to lead our lives?
If we are lucky, we may have a life span of 75-85 years. Why would you want to spend any of that time, or even shortening your already precious life by not being able to forgive?
It's not easy, and I assure you thoughts will pop into your head at the most random times and attempt to rob you of that moment. It has happened to me countless times. It has happened on my commute to and from work, it has happened in the shower, it has happened while I was on a date, it has even happened while I was sitting in church! And I can tell you, these thoughts can become crippling if we allow them to.
So the key in understanding forgiveness, at least for me, is how am I going to 'react to' or 'handle' these thoughts, not 'if', but 'when' they occur.
I have spent the last two years of my life in various degrees of despair, hurt, anger, and more when I came face to face to the disingenuous person in my life. I listened to various untruths told about me, exaggerations, and bait-and-switches. I lost friendships. I lost family. I lost sleep. I lost weight. I watched as both an unwilling observer and participant as the world I knew around me collapsed by another persons undoing and their selfish acts.
And now I am expected to forgive that person? Because it's the right thing to do? Are you kidding me?
No, He wasn't.
Because even though I was blinded by justifiable anger and the deep feelings of wanting to acquire retribution, He knows me (and us) better than we know ourselves. He knows that without forgiveness, I have the potential of spending the rest of my mortal life suffering from the various side effects I outlined above....and who wants to be around that person?
He forgave me for my transgressions past, present, and future...and since I wish to spend eternity with Him...in perfect peace, where there are no more tears, no more sorrow, no more death...then I need to start practicing my walk today, in the flesh. There are no second chances after I breathe my last breath here. Do I want to spend the next 20, 30, 40+ years in random fits of self-pity and anger like my grandfather did after his divorce? To never marry again? To never trust again?
No...God did not intend nor design us to live like that. We do so because this is a fallen world (by choice no less...thanks Eve..and Adam), and we must chose everyday how we are going to lead our lives, nit just for ourselves, but hopefully as examples to others for His glory.
To be continued....
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