A day off

I generally don't take a lot of time of work.  Probably because most of the time I don't know what to do with myself during the day since everyone else is working as well.  That's one of the reasons I accrue my maximum allotment of vacation hours (120 a year), and I'm right up against that line right now.

I have been having some mental and emotional troubles this past week.  With all signs pointing to the end of my legal nuptials any day know, I can't help the fact that some forcefully buried emotions are seemingly bubbling their way back to the top.

It also doesn't help I quit my medication again last week (it's been 8 days now).  I should not have quit until this was all over...signed, sealed, and delivered.  I should also have weaned myself off my Citropram over the course of a few weeks, but like an idiot I quit cold turkey.

This past week, my emotions have flip-flopped so many times and my moods are in so much flux (at least I am smart enough to both be aware of it and why it is happening), I can only offer advice to those of you on similar medications....DO NOT QUIT COLD TURKEY.  Do what your Dr. tells you to do, don't think you can wing it on your own.  I'm telling you out of my own rocky experience...it is not fun.  I have found myself quite agitated at times, tense at others.  I have been short with people, and my body has been sore (from tension).  I have suffered a few headaches, and I feel the anger in a pool deep down inside.

My wife threw yet another 11th hour twist into things that set me off edge earlier this week.  Just when I thought we had a tentative agreement, I received document from her lawyer to review and sign, and 'lo and behold, they tried to sneak (yes, they TRIED to sneak in) another Credit Card in the tune of $2900 that is in her name as one of my responsibilities.  Really?  REALLY?  I'm so glad I caught it and read the 20 page document over.  No way am I signing this.  Yet again, she has gone back on her word.

Needless to say it took all of my energy not to go postal, and even then I wasn't 100% successful.  I whipped myself up into so much of a tizzy, I gave myself a migraine.  I could no longer concentrate at work.  The day went on incredibly slow and I was fighting back tears of...RAGE...for yet another blatant snafu.

I had to call in and take a personal day yesterday.

Although I couldn't sleep in, I needed a day away from work.  Away from annoying employees, and coworkers.  I needed to seriously decompress and relax.  I knew if I came into work, it would be just a matter of when, not 'if', I was going to blow up at someone, or say something I regretted. 

I watched TV, I played a video game, I went to the gym, I watched football, I cleaned my garage, and probably the most satisfying thing I did: I disposed of 'crap' that was taking up space in the garage that didn't belong to me.  Just junk....1/2 used candles, Anniversary cards with hollow words, broken decorations that have been kept in boxes for years with no purpose.  I tossed it.  I practially filled up a 80 gallon recyclable trash receptacle and made a lot more room.  For every item I tossed, it would be one less item I will ever come across again and be reminded of things I do not wish to remember.

The last thing I remember last night is walking upstairs to go to bed.  I don't recall getting in bed, nor do I recall any thoughts prior to falling asleep.

Almost there.