Annoying tension

I had anotehr fabulous weekend for all intents and purposes, but today I could use one of my anxiety pills, and I'm not sure why I can't just 'let go'.

Last Thursday was my 9 year anniversary.  My estranged wife spent time with her friends...I stayed home.  I ignored her text earlier in the day, and the stupid photo she posted about sunsets are sometimes more than sunsets.

Whatev's....

Saturday I was super tired and in bed by 9:30 due to a lack of sleep from the night before.  I actually slept in until about 8am Sunday, which is even more reare for me.  My pup is doing fine after a minor procedure and we took a late morning walk after church.  My wife was at my SIL/BIL's house, whooping it up at their annual costume party (My secret: - I don't care.)

Then yesterday afternoon I spent time with my old grammar school chums.  We had a ball telling stories and jokes while sampling some microbrews and wings.  It was a great day by any standard.

Then today, my ex called me at 10:00 am knowing that I am at work.  Why do I allow myself to get sucked into these calls?  For the next 20 minutes I heard how she changed.  I'll admit....it did tug at my heart-strings a bit, but I didn't budge.  I didn't waver.

These conversations are getting very repetitive, and irritating.  But I do understand she is trying to 'reconcile'.  I told her today, blunty, that I'm glad she believes she has changed, but again, I went down a laundry list of reasons as to why I am making this stand.  I could not be any clearer today that I am protecting myself, bith financially and emotionally.  That I will not be walked on again, taking advantage of, be anyone's door mat.  I am not going to work until I am 70 years old to continue to her out and her history or repetitive bad decisions. 

Maybe she has changed....if so, let the next guy revel in it.

No, after my BIL pulled his calling stunt a month back and then my MIL seemingly turned on me telling me I wasn't a Christian.

She asked me why I wasn't giving her a chance.  I told her I gave her numerous chances, more so than any sane man would have (so says her own father), only for her to reject them over and over and over again and put herself first.  Above her husband.  Above her marriage.  Above her child.  Abover her responsibilities. Above God.

No..she hates the fact she is living with her parents at 42.  She hates the fact I'm not there to talk down to.  She hates the fact that I grew a set.  She hates the fact that I can seemingly function without her.  She hates the fact she has to tell any future suitors she had 2 failed marriages by age 41.  She hates the fact that I am going out with friends and her parents are keeping an eye on her.  Of course she's on her best behavior....now.

But that doesn't stop the anxiety within me.  She has always had the ability to go for my emotional jugular.  Deep down I am a softie.  She knows that.  I know that.

Well, you can blame your sister for my new found fortitude.  She's the one that told me and my parents that I needed to grow a pair of balls.  You're just surprised I took her advice and began to actually grow them.