And there will be Fireworks.

I'm dreading this evening.

Agisnt my friends and families wishes, I have agree to meet my estranged other half for a brief dinner tonight.

However, I think the outcome is not what she will be expecting.

Since her move back to her parents house, she has continually tried to arrange outings with me, with the majority of them I have turned down for various reasons.  I will give her credit, she is trying to 'win' me back, but right now I'm too numb to care.

Tonight has to be about honesty on my behalf, 100%.  I really need to let her know, as delicately as I can, that at this juncture I don't want to try anymore.  I'm exhausted and I've been doing 'okay' the last month without her.  My episodes of tears get slightly further apart and I'm keeping myself busy with other endeavors.

This past weekend I went out Friday night with two of my best friends.  Saturday I spent the whole morning do yard work, followed by the gym, some shopping, and then out to dinner with anotehr friend.  Sunday was church, the gym, catching up shows (my DVR is 100% free now...lol), playing a game, and spending a lot of time with my dog.  She called me yesterday to hang out, and I turned her down, for legitimate reasons: my hands were swollen and I've been battling a mild bout of my Uticaria the last few days.  I also packed another box for her, one less that needs to be done later.

But she's persistent, and I'm gonna have to meet her anyway sooner or later.  We have a scheduled appointment with a counselor this Thursday.  I am going to 'try' and tell her I'm not going to go.  I don't want to make arrangements with work, I don't want to go to the office, I don't want to listen or talk right now.  Like I've said before, I'm burnt out right now.

I also know my parents wouldn't approve if they knew, and I can't help but think about the Holiday's coming up, and a whole new can of worms I need to avoid.  I cannot be placed in the middle of another Holiday disaster, with my family pitted against hers.  I need to explain to her tonight that Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. are just around the corner and I'm not going to choose.  The choice has already been made...I'm spending them with my family this year.  End of story.

I don't think she is going to take it very well, so that's why I chose a public place 1/2 way between us.  I am not going to argue or fight.  I'm going to lay it out as is and say that we need to be apart, for now at least.  I don't want to lead her on, nor do I want to spend any weekly time trying to fix something that everyone just tells me is doomed to fail and I will be crushed again.