My video card came in the mail as well, but by the time I started dinner for myself, my pup, did a load of laundry (sheets for the bed), took a shower, it was getting kind of late to install it in my computer so I let it slide until maybe tonigt when I get home.
It rained again last night, again unpredicted from the weatherman. We were supposed to have fog and continue to be overcast, but the rain once again seemed to have come out of nowhere, but that's okay with me....it's strange how rain makes me so sleepy. No sleeping pill last night, and I only got up once (around 4am) last night.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, I got a very nice and lengthy email from my friend who got divorced and shared some of her own continuing pain and frustrations with me....and her own journey of recovery....and her plans for the future (moving back to our home state at the end of the year). I could identify with a lot she had to say, and I have to be very aware and cautious on how to interpret her feelings and dreams so that they don't interfere with my own vulnerabilities.
Speaking of feelings, last night a wash of anger came over me at 7:38pm. Yes, I happened to look at the clock on the DVR at that exact moments and took note. I had finished dinner, and it was just me and my little boy in the living room and I was waiting for Survivor to start...and this wave of anger overtook me.
I know it's a phase of a this cycle I'm experiencing, and natural in these types of situations, but to be aware it was happening and growing at that exact moment tripped me out. I quickly reached for my cell phone and called a friend from church to let him know and we chatted for the next few minutes....not just about me, but about his own struggles as well, and while the feeling didn't disappear, it was lessened enough for me to get through the night.
Until I awoke this morning...
I can't say I was in a foul mood, or burning with rage, or even anger....but I was off. The best way I can explain it was a feeling of a cartoonish dark cloud hovering over my head. Frustration in general? Disapointment with the lack of any real effort from my wife? They say actions speak louder than words, and in her case, she's the walking definition of the aforementioned cliche.
It's her birthday next week too. Do I take the higher road and send her card? Yes, I actually have thought about it. I know I'll be sending my MIL a mothers day card. But in liue of everything, I can't believe I'm thinking of sending her a card.
I'm such a wuss.
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