Tuesday update

After Monday nights conference call, the family came to the conclusion and is looking at me to make my house an Alcohol Free Zone. That means that any alcohol in my house, including the 6 pack my wife bought on Sunday needs to be removed from the house. They also asked me to refrain from drinking anything at all as well, and I agreed.

My wife came home at 9:45pm Monday night from her bowling and appeared to be sober for all intents and purposes but did tell me she did have a couple of beers. Exhausted from the conference call and everything else, I just went to bed and did not discuss with her any that happened on the conference call that evening.

I had a restless night Monday/Tuesday morning. I maybe got 4 hours of sleep and woke up very tense. So tense in fact my legs were aching. I probably should not have had coffee in my anxious state, but I did anyway.

I was debating to wait until I got home to talk to my wife about the Alcohol Free zone, but I couldn't bare the all day wait, so I picked up the phone at around 10am yesterday and called her at home. I was upfront and honest and told her about the conference call and all those that participated. I also told her about the family asking me not to drink for the forseeable future and also to remove all alcohol from our house.

Although she was calm on the phone, and said we would talk later when I got home from work, she said her family was "out of their minds and hypocrites". She said she can "socially drink" and will quit when she is ready too and does not plan on pouring out the beer. Well, I can't say I was happy with her response, but the feeling of getting it out in the open and off my chest for the rest of the day did help me.

AT 3:30pm I received a text from my wife. She was going to visit her aunt 40 miles away and would be home later. I found this odd because in the 8.5 years that we have been married my wife has NEVER 'randomly' visted her aunt under any circumstance.

This means that I would now have to pick up my daughter from work who was upset that her mom didn't pick her up (but such is the case as of late). It also meant that the talk we were 'supposed' to have would not be taking place...again.

My brother in law called me at 7:30 and we spoke for 20 minutes. He wanted to smooth things over a bit from the night before. He realized that my SIL words were a bit "over-the-top" towards me and he said they had a long talk afterwards about her reactions. Anyway, I shared with him the fact my wife was at her aunt's, and he came to the same conclusion without me prompting him: "She has nowhere else to go, is grasping for straws, and trying to get ANY family member left over to see her side of things, to get anyone to empathize with her." Towards the end of the conversation, he was very blunt and honest with me: "You need to file for divorce. She isn't going to change unless she sees you mean business. We all know you have been patient and have endured a lot over the years, but the human body wasn't built for this level of stress on a daily basis that you are going through. We want you to be happy, and we just don't see this marriage continuing with my sister's behavior and attitude."

Wow.

They have gone from asking me to see a lawyer to see what my option are to outright telling me to file for divorce to wake her up. That kinda takes a small burden off me, as part of my emotional problems as of late was wondering if I had acceptance from the family if I went that route.

To add to that, my mother called me this morning as well. I shared what my BIL said to me. She took all of one second to say "We agree. Your dad and I also believe you need a divorce. We want you to be happy and you can find someone else out there, a Christian that has values and has the ability to 'love' back." She also went on to tell me that my aunt and uncle also think I need to divorce my wife that they think "she has problems".

Wow. That's 75% of my family is now urging me to file, with my FIL/MIL 'somewhat' supportive as well.

I am going to my second Al-Anon meeting tonight at 7:30pm. My birthday is this Friday. It's supposed to rain all weekend....typical for me.

Anyway, I meet with a new lawyer on March 22nd.

Onward.