Boy...do I deserve a break of some magnitude soon.
My 20 year old stepdaughter just informed me that she is going to move into her grandma & grandpa's house 30 miles away in about 3 weeks from now. That would be my inlaws.
I know the family has 'talked' about it, but I didn't realize how far the decision process had gone up until now.
My stepdaughter only works parts time, doesn't have a drivers license or a car and since her mom left, it's been up to me to pick her up from work at 9:45 at night...which isn't the ideal of conditions for me. She's also not the cleanest person in the world, so in a way I'm okay with this. It will help reduce bills, keep the house cleaner, and I won't be playing taxi service.
However, that doesn't mean I won't miss her or I want her to leave.
With every new event (like this) it becomes clearer and clearer what the inevitable outcome will be. I feel very sad for my daughter. Her mom pulled this stunt once before 12 years ago, and my stepdaughter has never had a stable family her whole teenage life. There are so many tendrils of ongoing and lingering damage because of my wife's selfish actions.
My mother-in-law said she wanted to lift some burdens off of me, and she keeps apologizing for her daughters behavior. They are taking on quite a bit themselves having raised two kids, and now having their granddaughter move in with them at age 20.
This whole thing just stinks no matter what angle I look at it from and for some reason I can't help but think I need to take some blame, but I'm not sure why.
My wife called me last night too. First time in 8 days we spoke on the phone. She actually said she "misses" me, but I'm not sure I believe her. I cried...she cried. She actually said we "take each other for granted". Well, I agree...but only one person is taking granted of the other.
My dad is going to come over and change the locks on my house tomorrow. It's okay. I checked with the lawyer. The title deed reflects my name on the house only. Also, she left of her own free will to another state. According to him, I have every right to change the locks legally, and have the paperwork in my hands to prove it. Not that I want to, but I do if it comes to that.
I didn't cry today. Nor did I have a Xanax. I think that's day 6 now with no Xanax. Still slept like crap. Maybe 4 hours if I was lucky.
Did I already say this whole thing stinks?
Went to another Al-Anon meeting last night. People say it makes you feel better after you attend....I'm still waiting for that feeling.
Tomorrow I'm thinking of going to another support group, just to see what that's like. Al-Anon just isn't doing it for me.
I have a feeling I'm going to be alone.
1 comment:
Well, it does stink, but it won't always.
It's probably better that your step-daughter moves out... Really, how awkward for both of you. She's feeling abandoned and may or may not feel you are part of the reason why... but more importantly, your wife is still her mom, and if your grieving process should hit an angry phase, she doesn't need to be there to see or hear any of it - she can't help how her mother acts. As far as her grandparents jumping in, they should... or if not them, her dad. Just be sure to tell her, how you feel - you don't have to go, I'll miss you, you'll have a place if you need it, etc.
You should check out all the different types of support available to you - there is no "one-size fits all" when it comes to helping people heal, understand, and move forward with their lives.
Alone? Yes, for a little while, but not always. Don't cue up images a la "Death becomes her" where Goldie Hawn's character is sitting alone in her apt. full of cats, binging on frosting, grossly overweight... (http://youtu.be/s-pgK_Rvuwc) ((in case you don't know it)) and no, you don't have to sell your soul to the devil to have the life you want! You should be alone for a little while - sort out what you want from a partner, and if you want to make any other changes for yourself. Do you want to do something else for your work? It's an opportunity to go to school and dig into the books - deep. Something that's hard to do with a relationship and keep everyone happy...
I'd be willing to bet that your close friends have a little mental list of friends of their wives/girlfriends that they'd like to set you up with, too. I'd also be willing to bet that your church, or one in the general area has a group for Christians looking to date - When it's time. (Sorry, sounds like I'm rushing it - I just want you to realize that there is a whole world of possibilities - POSITIVE possibilities out there for you - when you're ready.) Alone? Doubt it.
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