"You don't treat her like a daughter"

Well, my evening got worse last night....and no matter how bad I was tempted (and believe me I was), I cut the impending argument off at the pass and just excused myself to our room at 10pm.

As I mentioned yesterday, the previous few weeks seem to have been okay. Wife and I had been getting along, but then there is always that calm before the storm.

It appears my step-daughter who recently moved out 6 weeks ago is having 'social problems' in her new environment. I kinda predicted this months ago and warned and warned and warned to both my wife and my step-daughter this was a mistake. But my step-daughter is stubborn and she 'had to get out and be with her friends.'

I had a feeling that tiem had passed for many of these teenagers and it wasn't going to be like highschool anymore. They will have jobs, and boyfriends and girlfriends, and college, and want to move away from that town themselves. I said to my wife "Mark my words....The first 2-3 weeks it will be fun, but by week 4 the novelty will wear off and her friends won't be as accessible and in two months she'll be calling us up to move back in."

I clearly remember sitting my step-daughter down and talking to her, warning her of this, etc., etc., etc. But she was determined. So I said to my wife and daughter, "If she goes, she needs to stick it out for at least 6 months." My step-daughter has a history of quitting, and most of the problems she has today is because everyone in her family makes excuses for her time and time again. How does one learn from their mistakes or learn to pick themselves up off the ground if she never experiences her own personal responsibility?

Needless to say, I guess after 6 weeks out in the wild, she's hinted that life is not all what its cracked up to be. So of course, instead of words of encourgement, my wife has already basically caved "If it gets too bad, you can come home."

WHAT?? No one has discussed this with me. I wasn't part of this, and I'll be honest, my house is much less stressful, and much more clean. Bills have gone down.. My TV is actually my TV again. There are no radical mood swings, dirty dishes piling up, and the feeling of anybody walking on egg shells.

Smash cut to last night:

I was sitting watching the TV by myself and I heard my wife talking to her ex. Come to find out my step-daughter lied to us. She not living with an older married couple and their kid as she once explained to me. She living with un-married teenagers and their brand new baby!! Oh great. To top it off, many of her 'friends' are no longer available to her, and her 'best' friend I guess told her to take a hike recently after she herself just had an abortion. Oh.....my.....God.

After the call, I asked my wife what was going on, and she told me. I said, remember...we agreed...6 months. She has to stick this through.

The next thing I heard was:

"You do not repsect her or treat her like a daughter."

Stunned to say the least.

I let her in my house, basically rent free, shuttle her to and from school, take care of her meals and everything else. All I asked for in return was to walk the dog 2x a week (to relieve me), and keep her room clean. She failed at these simple tasks. I never spanked her, new restricted her, only took her PC away from her once for lying to me for two weeks. I recently sent her money for her B-day, and to this day I have not received a call or a thank-you.

And I don't show her respect?

I could feel the ire welling up within me. Wanting to avoid any blow-out and sensing anxiety, I took a Clonzapam to calm me down. Too bad it's not instant. I went to bed without saying goodnight to my wife.

This morning, my wife had a major attitude towards me. Cold shoulder and infifference. Seriously? "What did I do?", I asked. She just went on and on on how I'm not a good step-father, never bonding with her daughter, again, not showing her respect.

"So this is all my fault? My fault she can't get along with people? My fault she ran off despite all my warnings? My fault she dropped out of school? My fault she's lazy and quits everything? My fault no one can tell she's telling the truth or not depending on the subject? Oh, this is just rich..."

I'm summing it all up. There was a lot more said by both of us, and I look back, and honestly, I still don't know what started it and how it got directed back to me. I'm livid right now. I ended up taking my 'happy pill' today, and forsee me starting a new regime over the next few weeks to mellow me out.

I won't lie. Today on my drive to work, all I could think about is divorce. I have tried, and tried, and tried. My wife...and I do love her....lives in her own world and is in so much denial...about everything....I can't even begin to to want to choose an area to work on. In my car today I listened to Christian radio and prayed feverently. Yes, I'm mad right now. I'm actually very hurt. Consider my b-day screwed to the point I don't even want to be around right now, and in that 1% chance my wife even tries to make ammends (she won't), I'm not in the mood to be receptive.

Hopefully this will all blow over, and I suppose my own emotions are super high right now. But I can't help but think I made a huge mistake 7 years ago. I'm having these visions (seriously) of being married to someone else, raising a child with a loving wife who is committed to marriage, family, and Christ....first.

It's really sad......very, very sad....my marriage right now is just an exercise in complacency and going through the motions. It's so hard to be in love with someone when you know they really don't love you back the same way.