The worst thing about a slow day at work is the ability to let things fester as it seems time slows to a crawl and we have no control over it.
Unlike a good book which seems to end too fast, or a day at Disneyland is over before you know it...when you heart and mind and emotions are in crisis, time seems to stand still. It would be interesting to see if any scientists can corrolate time and general mood into a definable equation. It's apparant time flys when your having fun, but the opposite also applies, time drags when you are miserable.
Today each second tick of the clock seems like it lasts for one minute. One minute therefor seems ike an hour. I've been watching the clock most of the day today waiting for the 5pm bell to toll, so I can make the 1/2 hour commute to the therapists office where I will meet my wife and try and make some sorta of sense out of the weekend.
To help pass the time, I have found myself walking the parking lot between buildings in an attempt to look busy, but really I'm just playing the scenario over and over in my head and I still see no way out. I was in a losing position when I woke up this weekend, and my fate was already sealed even before I got the memo.
Interestingly enough, I came across this article today n the new. How apropos. Coincidence or divine intervention? You decide.
Anyway, right now I wish I had a Clonzapam or some other anti-anxiety medication. My chest feels a little tight and I'm a bit anxious. I'm also craving a nice stiff drink again no matter what the outcome may be. I want to sit under the stars in my backyard tonight and just learn to relax and take a cleansing breath. I'm still not sure if I'm angry or just don't care anylonger.
1 comment:
I hope your session went well with your wife and you were able to get some questions answered and perhaps some sense of peace and calm... You're in my prayers.
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