Turning point?

Last night when my wife arrived home from work she finally read the two photo-copied chapters of "The Five languages of Love" I had given her two days before. I was hoping it would have opened a dialouge between us when she was done, and after a few minutes of silence (as if she was digesting it), I decided to break the ice.

I told her that I saw both of us laying particular roles in the stories that were illustrated...that perhaps neither once of us was actually wrong, but clearly our inability to connect, converse, and to relate to each other was at an all time high....and quite literally being the foundation of our marriage of five years erroding from underneath us. She listened to me, and although I was waiting for a response, it just never came. Instead, here we were with Facebook again starting at 8pm, and once her computer crapped out and wasn't responding somewhere around 10pm any longer, she switched to her mobile phone to get her fix. Other than that we had an enjoyable dinner... and I felt 'okay' at best.

We went to bed at around 11pm, and I knew I was tired. But my spirit was still restless. Here, in my mind, was yet another day that had come and gone with nothing resolved. At approx midnight I began to toss and turn and my heart began to pound with anxious engery. I felt that my wife was also stirring so I asked her some questions:

1) How do you feel about us? A: I dunno. (pause)
2) Do you want this marriage to work? Do you want to try? A: Yes...but it's not going to change overnight and I feel as if you are pushing it.
3) How so? I have given you plenty of space this last week and a half, doing exactly what the counsler ask me to do...to not call, email, give you space....and I feel I have been plenty patient, yet I feel as if you are 'indifferent' to the whole thing right now. A: As you said, it has only been a week and these things take time. My feeling can't adjust that quickly.
4) I realize that, and I know there is no magic wand that will cure our ills overnight....but you need to throw me a bone....give me a hint because this isn't working for me.

silence

I tried to roll over and go back to bed, but it just wasn't working for me. I went downstairs and attempted to sleep on the couch, but my puppy and best friend would not let me sleep. After trying unsuccessfully for an additional 30 minutes or so, I headed back upstairs and back to our bed to try and fall asleep.

Eventually somewhere around 2:30 I must have finally dozed off and was awoken at around 6:15 with my wife finally getting up. I laid in bed, under the covers, trying to keep warm and staring at the cieling. My thoughts turned to the fact it was Friday adn in approx 27 hours the confrontation would be just beginning.

To my surprise my wife came back in the bedroom around 6:40 am with a cup of coffee in hand and began to speak to me. I stayed in bed, and listened, and responded...making sure I did not raise my voice or get angry. The words began to tuble from her mouth, as they did mine, and I took note that I began to stutter on occassion and my mouth was like a desert....dry...while I searched for words. Overall, I'd like to think our conversation was productive. She finally admited that she has some issues. She said it may be PMS, or menapause, or stress, or a combination of things and admitted to some extend that I may unfairly be taking the brunt of it lately. She proclaimed that she would like to be a better communicator, but for some reason she just can't and she wants to work on it, but doesn't know how. I told her I am fully aware I need to make changes as well and that I recognize some areas in my life I also need to change, but tried to stay firm and make it clear that we 'both' had issues, not just me, and I can't continue to come home day after day after day and be kept at arms distance.

She also said she did not want to divorce and could see us together in the future. Well, that was indeed nice to hear, but I can only assume there is a price tag attached. And that price tag sure enough is that 'I have to prove' I mean it, and even if I bend over backawards and continue to bide my time, go to sessions of therapy, pray, and be the best husband I can possibly be....it's no guarantee that she's going to continue to open up to me or rally want to put some effort into it.

That's not good enough for me.

We said our vows before God and our families....again...for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health. We both need to come to the meeting table and be willing to work on this right now....not just me.

There were some tears shed on her behalf, and I listened intently, making sure never to interupt her. I told her I know she wants her old husband back, the guy before the depression three years ago....but I also want my old wife back...the one who was caring and loving and excited to be around me as well.

She then questioned me out of the blue: "Have you spoken to my mom about this?" Uh, oh...I know this is a very, very delicate subject. She doesn't like me speaking to her mom about us, but she's going to find out anyway and lying isn't going to help my case. "Yes, I have spoken to her recently and my father."..."Even though I asked you not to?".."Yes, I spoke to them prior to you telling me not to, and I have every right to. They are family and since I cannot speak with you and you have been unwilling to speak with me, and I can't talk about this with people at work, and I'm not going to air my dirty laundry to the neighbors, I need to talk to someone and your mother always said I coudl come to her no matter what. I can't keep these emotions just bottled up inside me lest I explode. It's bad enough that I come home and we don't talk. This is our marriage we are talking about, and going to a paid counsler once a week for a timed hour is not enough to let me unload and feel healthy."

I could tell my wife was getting irritated at this point, but 'oh, well', really...this is the least of our problems if she is mad I am seeking counsel from family, especially when they offer their aid.

At this point I was looking at the clock and saw that if I didn't leave now, I would be late to work. I told her thank you for speaking with me, that I rally appreciate it, and that I'm not trying to cut and run, but I can't be late. I gave her a hug, and she hugged me back, tears in her eye and a little bit of anger in the feeling I betrayed her for speaking about our problems with the family....but she needs to get over this.....and I hoping that tomorrow despite her hostility and coldness right now, that something will be said or demonstrated that I am not giving up or walking away....that the ball is in her court, but if she doesn't agree to start working on us right away, that she needs to leave.

Please pray for me that all goes well tomorrow.