The last few weeks I think my subconscience has been working overtime. There was a period of about two weeks were I must have had 3 or 4 dreams regarding my wife, or her family, and this entire situation. The most disturbing, or actual 'hurtful' one was listening to my Mother-In-Law coming down on me.
I've always shown nothing but respect to my inlaws, and it really hurts me to the core when my MIL came down on me about my lack of forgiveness. That was almost a year ago, and I still hear those words in my head every so often.
I'm stalled as far as weight loss goes. I've been hovering around 219 for a month now. Granted, I'm not hitting the gym like I used to, but I've been monitoring my food. I theoretically should be having 1700-1800 calories a day. Most days I can do that, although I find myself still hungry. But then the weekends roll around and I note two major things: 1) my friends are inviting me to glorious BBQ's decadent food and drink, 2) I'm too bloody tired to go to the gym. My body aches half the time from work, and if I have any free time at all I have to take care of my dog or chores.
My relationships with friends, neighbors, family, church has been on maintenace mode only. I feel like I'm coasting right now....just doing enough to stay in peoples lives, but not enough to nuture them or myself for that matter. Kinda goes back to the whole "I'm too damn tired" thing.
I'm also still re-evaluating certain 'relationships' with people I've known and have shifted some of them into the 'acquaintance' only category. I feel as I am...and always have been the same guy...it's their change of behaviors (or lack thereof) which has made me realize I need new blood in my circles. This stale, stagnation gossip and 'nosey'-ness isn't building me up. The facts are the facts....go ask 'her' what the 'story of the day' is.
Saw Superman and Star Trek recently...love them both...and feels good to be a kid again at times. Take 2-3 hours out of life and be somewhere else mentally where my crap doesn't matter.
No real plans for summer...yet. I got invited to go to Vegas for a few days, but had to pass because it interferred with work and whose gonna watch my pup for 3 days? Also got invited by my best friend to go to British Columbia. He has a time share...all I have to do is get a plane ticket....but same problem....can't get off of work right now, nor can commit to anything until I know where I stand legally (and financially).
So I predict a summer of building train models (a hobby of mine) and exploring the immediate area with my dog and close friends. But we'll see, meterologists are alrady predicting this is gonna be a hot summer. Our first heat wave is supposed to hit by the weekend, and I can expect temperatures in the 90's. I might be sleeping downstairs this weekend.
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