The last time I actually had a conversation with my wife was a series of emails between us just over a month ago when I informed her I would be filing my taxes separetly. As you know, she didn't take to kindly to this as she expected me to pay (surprise) for her preperation, and possibly be awarded a portion of any return I was going to receive. Whereas I tried to politely explain, more than once, that our tax man advised me against filing jointly due to her inability to cough up a W2 or 1099 for her cash only job, she (as usual) escalated her anger towards me stating that I was trying to 'screw' her.
I don't expect my wife to play nice at all. I understand that her lawyer is trying to get the 'most' she possibly can for her client, but she's also asking for the moon, the stars, and the sky. My lawyer says this won't fly and her counters have all been lofty and unrealistic, but since I've never been through this before, I have no idea what to expect or believe for that matter.
Since then, it's been silent. And not just on her part either. My lawyer isn't the most communicative guy around and with less than 48 hours to go, I find myself having to call him up and ask both when and where we are supposed to meet. I also have to inquire what doucments I should be bringing, and more importantly (at least to me), what our strategy is? I don't want to be blind-sided by my wife, or be put on the spot about financial matters or the like. I need to know, for my own sanity, where my lawyer and I plan on drawing the line. I'd kinda like to know our goal on what we are willing to accept, what we are going to throw out, and the stuff inbetween before I show up. Especially since I have to take a personal day at work and use vacation time to settle this.
I also have to really put my trust in the Lord with all this, and I wish I could say I was feeling more confident about everything.
For the most part my tears have now stopped. It has taken a whole year for that to happen, but I still think about this everyday. I still think about: 1) Where did I go wrong, 2) Why didn't I see the signs earlier when everyone else did, 3) Could I have done anything different, and 4) Why Lord, why me?
The only good news I've had recently is a few people had previously written me off have been slowly letting me back in. On the flipside of that though, yet other 'friends' have written me off due to her lies and playing the 'victim' card, without once asking my side of things. Even after a year, I am still figuring out who my 'real' friends are, and who were just my friends because I was throwing a BBQ at my house and had a place to drink beer. That really saddens me....people whom I genuinly liked, have shut me down and out of their lives. And all the while I still hear the occasional 'nutty' rumor in reagards to me which has no base in reality.
One of my best friends actually said something somewhat complimentary to me in regards to his own wife and her thoughts. Unbeknownst to me, my friend had said his own wife never really thought much of my wife, and the only reason they ever came over to my house was so she could hang out with the guys. She thought my wife could be a little curt, aggressive, and mean spirited when drinking and didn't care much for sme of the things she saw and heard.....I did not know that. And just last week another 'mutual' friend told me that in hindsight, all things being the same, that my wife just liked to pick fights in general...that she liked to surround herself with drama. I did not ask for his insights on my marriage...he just offered them up, which in a demented way, also makes me feel better...that I wasn't making all this up in my head, that other people saw it as well, but just chose to keep their mouths shut so they didn't upset either her or me.
Now the toughest, (and continuing), roughest part is in trusting and putting my faith in the God I worship and love that I give this over to Him to have my best interests at heart. To continue to work on me to allow me to heal, to forgive, to not be taken adavnatge of any longer, to move on, and continue to pray that she also finds it in her own heart to relax, not to be prideful, not to be stubborn, and that she will find her own sense of happiness instead of dragging me and everyone else around her down because she's not happy with herself but just can't comes to terms and acceptance of that fact.
1 comment:
Sooo, how'd it go??
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