Upheavel

My life is currently upside down.

My marriage is once again under attack and has been for the past 11 days. It's not looking to good folks, and this time, it was me who screwed up.

Things had been going well for a bit now, and I stuck my foot in my mouth, made a mistake (one too many based on my past) and I can understand why my wife may have issues with trust with me.

I'm in the dog-house big time, and I don't think there's been a day gone by in the last 11 days where I haven't been crying or submitting to the Lord. I know He has forgiven me, as has my family (I have discussed this with them already...and it was humbling and embarassing to say the least).

That being said, my wife is keeping me at arms distance until after the Holidays. Although she is cordial towards me one minute, it can turn somewhat hostile the next in which I just need to sit and listen. That's tough.....to listen to the same accusations day in and day out. I know I screwed up...but to be reminded numerous times a day in spirit crushing.

My sleep and eating cycles have been disrupted, and even in the same room, I feel 100 miles away from her and it kills me.

I'm now on day 5 or 6 of a new Lexapro cycle to help me cope as well as some mild anxiety medication. The sleeping pills I take at night don't seem to help much.

Lord give me strength, and peace of mind, and rest my soul. Through you, even the most hardened hearts can soften. I am human, and I am not perfect. I will occassionally stumble, and thus try harder the next time. Why do these silly temptations get in my way time and time again?

I also need to learn to forgive myself.