My step-daughter hit me with a loaded question yesterday and I had one of those moments where I was awkwardly silent at first, but my mind was racing at the speed of light for the 'diplomatic' reply.
"So Dad.....Why this year are we not really exchanging presents like in the past?", she asked, as it was only her and I standing in the kitchen as I was making spaghetti noodles for dinner after a long day and an hour commute home due to the torrential rain.
The easy answer would have been to blurt out in disgust "Ask your mother...the one who got us into this mess.", but I didn't. I needed to focus, collect my thoughts, and be Christian-like and fair.
I may have strong feelings on a subject, and my interpretation of events may be factual and true, but would they serve the collective or common good to be blunt and lay this all at the feet of one person.
The answer is "No."
The fact really is that it does take two to tango. As much as I may blame my wife for our financial issues (see my previous post on 'Forgive and Forget' btw) , I also allowed it to happen and turned a blind eye early on. And that's not to say every once in a while I wasn't exactly making the best and wisest of money related decisions.
But she's 19 now, and a part-time employee herself trying to learn (albeit late) about how the world turns. I decided she was old enough to know certain things...we can't shelter forever, and she is a part of this household....so I decided she had a right to know the truth. I didn't have to go into much detail, or take this as an opportunity to bash anyone (including myself mind you), just paint a clear enough picture that answers this upfront question, and may hopefully explain other things as well she may be privy to.
"Well....your mother and I are kinda in a financial bind. This year has been very hard for us both as you may have picked up from the banks calling weeks on end. Suffice to say, your mother and I are living paycheck to paycheck...hence...why we are eating more soup and spaghetti and staying home on the weekends. It hopefully won't be like this forever, but right now, and for the immediate time being, your mother and I are doing what we can to not fall down any further. Hopefully, with any luck, this is the indeed the worst of it and all we can do is go up from here. It may be a few months, maybe a year, but we're trying to correct certain issues that may have been neglected."
I think she took it fairly well and hopefully will respect me someday for telling it that way.
1 comment:
Sounds like you handled it well... Your treatment of her as an adult sends the message that is how you expect her to act, as well. Keep up the good work - it will payoff!
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