April 23, 2009

Eye of the Storm (Part III)

**the events that I write about in this series took place almost a week ago, and a lot has happened in a mere five days to even keep up with, so I apologize upfront if things seem disjointed.



My in laws spoke with my wife in a gentle manner as she stood in the kitchen and over the course of the next 45 minutes there were some brief tears on her behalf and on mine. My wife admitted to not be happy lately, but it was beyond even our marriage....work, friends, family, etc. It just seemed to keep piling up and her attitude in general began to turn dour. The outlet being anything else that allowed for temporary escape from the here and now, whether that be alcohol, Facebook, girls night out, etc. She said my constant asking her "what's wrong" was only aggravating her emotions and she was feeling stifled and crowded.

She went on to say that her parents no longer 'knew' her, and nothing was going to get fixed in the next few days or two weeks. That really bothered me because I knew it was a long slow build to get to this point, and I missed some obvious signs and should have interceded long ago. I also know that it isn't going to get solved in just a few days and I never brought up a timeline of a few days or two weeks she kept referring to. But I was tired of coming home to a marriage and relationship that is seemingly in limbo, with only one party trying to move forward and the other non-responsive.

Her father flattered me very nicely by saying that he thought I was a good man, that he knew I loved his daughter, and that she wasn't going to find someone else like me....and she agreed with him, but it stung that she couldn't look at me.

Her mother asked her why she never went to counseling last year when she promised she would, and there was really no answer. Her mother and father then had my wife agree to go to counseling this week, and my wife said she would call Monday. However, she also directed some pent up anger back towards me again, "What do you want from me?"....I simply replied "You want your old husband back, I want my old wife back."

Other bits and pieces of conversation went back and forth, and by the one hour mark, her parents had hugged her and then my father began to speak to her. I took this time to leave her be as I walked the dog, help clear my head, and be happy it was all over. Even though I had witnessed her beginning to talk both calmly and rationally to her parents and my father, I knew she would harbor ill feelings towards me for the days to come.

When I arrived back home from my walk with the dog, she was leaving the house, off to see her friends for a weekend she planned sometime back. I'll be honest in saying I was both disappointed and relieved at the same time. I was bummed because clearly this was a defining moment, and once again, she was out the door. On the flip side, I know if she stayed home it would be awkward for both of us, and now I needed a day by myself to collect my thoughts and dump my mind, and to pray.

My father stayed a bit behind to speak with me to see if I was going to be okay, and we just sat on the couch for an hour or so before he decided it was okay to leave me be. I spent the remainder of the day doing chores, going to the gym, watching some TV and eventually went to bed.

I also knew that despite my longing to go to church on Sunday, that I really was in no mood to either. I didn't want to face anybody there, and needed to continue to collect my strength throughout the day for when my wife would come home. I'm sure I hadn't heard the last of it, and I wasn't expecting her at home at all until very late in the day or even possibly that evening.

Imagine my surprise when I heard the garage door go up at 10:45am that morning.

To be continued....

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